Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
So, to be true to my commitment to post every Monday, I am going to just write a list of things to accomplish by year's end (written in no particular order). This is, in short order, my Gay Agenda through the end of the year.
- Finish my master's coursework and do all preliminary prep work for my thesis
- Finish the first draft of my book
- Read at least one classic French novel
- Lose an additional 25 lbs
- See the Book of Mormon Musical in Chicago
- Travel to Boston
- Visit King's Island
- Tour Indianapolis
- Explore Kentucky
- Shoot a digital photo book of my new home city (Cincinnati)
- Save money every month
- Find ways to cut back and simplify my life (and document my journey)
- Learn three classical piano pieces
- Learn basic guitar strums and chords
- Rediscover my artistic talents (drawing, sketching, pastels, charcoal, etc.)
- Create a rainbow afghan out of my missionary ties
- Complete my training and start volunteering for the Trevor Project
- Get tested for all STDs
- Find ways to love myself and search to find my center and true self
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
For a couple of reasons. One, because work is driving me crazy lately. Every time I am there I feel the life getting sucked out of me.
But the biggest reason is because I matter.
I matter to me.
The fact that I'm going crazy at work probably has less to do with the fact that my job sucks and more to do with the fact that I haven't been giving myself what I need lately. I need some me time. I need to feed my soul and refresh my spirit.
So I am going to the mountains.
That, for me, is more healing than anything else I've yet discovered.
The mountain air.
Yes. That is what I need.
And then perhaps some time with a book, and some snuggling with my love.
What is it that feeds your soul?
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Take a look behind you. I don’t know what may be behind you, but behind me are decorations for Christmas! Or, more specifically, Christmas in July! I have been looking forward to this all summer and now that it is here, I’m ecstatic. Wednesday is when the gift exchange occurs and I went shopping Monday to find a gift. Dollar store shopping found some cute stuffed animals, one of which is the CUTEST skunk, which I am in love with. So glad to be giving that to someone!
Anyways, this event has been something I’ve been looking forward to for some time. And then Saturday, the first official day of Christmas in July, comes around and one of my co-workers uses the decorating ceremony to rant about how gay people should be segregated on Facebook. Did I let it spoil my mood? Yes. Yes I did.
What an idiot I am.
I’ve been looking forward to Christmas for months, and I let one jerk get in my way. I showed these posts, and my ensuing counter posts, to a couple friends. They were of course upset, but what did they do? Talk about how much they wanted to enjoy Christmas in July. They were not indifferent, they just didn’t let it drag them down. So, I have dedicated this post to saying what I look forward to.
So, this is a list of what I look forward to and why I look forward to it.
Friday because it’s cleaning day and I actually enjoy being able to work with headphones in and it’s a nice break from working with kids.
Saturday because I get to see friends from Aspen Grove who I don’t normally get to hang out with.
Tuesday because I love Bailey’s posts. I’m ALWAYS on the ground laughing.
Wednesday because I get to see Jay (the name I have given my boyfriend so I can about him in BYU audiences). Also, I get to see the newest episode of The Glee Project. Which I love, mainly because I love most of the kids on the show.
This upcoming Friday because I can’t wait to get to dye my hair again (not permanent, so I can do it on a more frequent basis).
August twenty sixth because school starts along with my intermediate racquetball class, which WILL be a blast.The day I get to see my best friend again. I miss her enough that despite my frugal college budget, I have considered buying a plane ticket to visit her in Berkeley. Will I visit her anytime soon? No, but it’s important enough to list.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
For now, here are the pictures of our rings.
Jo doesn't like the ring on the finger kind of pictures so we tried to take some good up close ones of just the rings.
Both are inscribed with the phase "being here is so much"
Friday, July 20, 2012
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
And tell me everything is wonderful now"
With Arms Wide Open- Creed
"If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open..."
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I was reminded this week that I can expect great things from life.
I can expect love.
I can expect support.
I can expect respect.
When I first wrote my blog post last week about my ring exchange with Tiffany I didn't post it on my facebook page for a few reasons:
- I like to try and maintain some semblance of privacy in my personal life.
- I wasn't sure it would be accepted well. I post a lot of gay related stuff, my blog posts included, and rarely get interaction from anyone I am friends with. This ring exchange is something I am excited about and I didn't want to "cast my pearls before swine." It has felt like a lot of my friends choose to ignore the fact that I'm gay and therefore don't comment or acknowledge it at all.
- I was lazy.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
P.S. I've set today as the deadline for telling my mom, because if I don't have a deadline it'll never happen. So hopefully that's what I'm doing right now.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
This past weekend Tiffany and I exchanged rings
On a bridge
In the redwoods.
It's pretty romantic.
But let me give you a little background story so that you can appreciate it even more.
In August of last year, Tiffany and I left for a 10 day road trip through California. We hadn't known each other super long at that point, but we were already good friends. She was easy to be around; easy to talk to. I liked that I had found someone who played the way I did, someone that I could be excited about life with.
We spent 4 days meandering our way up through beautiful forests, around breathtaking lakes, and through little towns. On the 5th day we made it to the coast. And the trees.
Any of you who know me well know that I love trees. But love seems too small a word. I feel connected to trees. Nothing is more spiritual, in my mind, than a tree. A tree understands the seasons. It sees the changes in the weather, in humanity, in the landscape, and in itself, all while remaining steadily grounded. But there was a depth in those redwoods that I had never felt before, those giants who had been around for thousands of years. There is a sacredness in those woods for which there are no words.
The next 3 days of that trip were full of so much beauty, inside and out. I was being torn open by those trees, expanding and widening my sense of self. And experiencing that with Tiffany only intensified the beauty.
On our last day in the redwoods we visited Stout Grove, a section of forest filled with the most beautiful trees I had ever seen. It was there, in that grove, that I opened myself to love. While walking alone among those silent giants, I felt them whispering that it was okay. It was okay to open myself to another person, to let her into my heart. I had spent the last 2 years on an intense journey of self-discovery, learning to see both the world and myself in new ways, but now the trees were telling me it was okay to let someone else come along for the ride. It was in that grove that I realized I had been falling in love with her, and falling hard. That is where everything shifted for me.
Last week, one year after that trip, we returned to Stout Grove and exchanged rings there on a special bridge (I'm sure Tif will tell you more about that). It has been one hell of a year, full of lots of learning, lots of fun, and lots of love. Adding another person to your story pushes your own self-discovery to a whole new level. In the past year I have felt every possible emotion and have discovered things about myself, and about her, that are both beautiful and scary. The unknown is always a little scary. But it has been a breathtaking journey that I wouldn't trade for anything.
I have more to say about rings and what I like (and don't like) about them, but I think I'll save that for another post.
My ring has the imprint of a leaf on it, to remind me that seasons change, and I will too, but that if I am rooted in love, anything is possible, including falling in love with the most beautiful soul on earth. Inside the ring are inscribed the words "being here is so much," which is a quote from my favorite poem, The Ninth Elegy by Rainer Maria Rilke (you can read the whole thing here).
"...being here is so much, and everything
seems to need us in this fleeting world, and
strangely speaks to us. Us, the most fleeting. Once
for everything, only once. Once and no more. And we, too,
only once. Never again. But to have been here,
this once, if only this once:
to have been of the earth seems irrevocable."
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The other day, I caught myself singing a song to the kids I work with. It went a little like this:
Some Women Are Dripping With Diamonds
Some Women Are Dripping With Pearls
Lucky Me, Look At Me
Look At What I’m Dripping With
Was I singing that because of my kids? No. It just got me laughing. Musical anyone?
Recently saw the musical Rent. As in the video version. Didn’t love the beginning, but in the end, I LOVED the musical. Especially La Vie Boheme and Take Me Or Leave Me:
A Tiger In A Cage
Can Never See The Sun
This Diva Needs Her Stage
Baby Let’s Have Fun
You Are The One I Choose
Folks Would Kill To Fill Your Shoes
You Love The Lime Light, And Now Baby
Take Me For What I Am
Who I Was Meant To Be
And If You Give A Damn
Take Me Baby, Or Leave Me
Of course, if we are talking about all time best musicals though, I have to throw in Into The Woods. I actually own this one and have seen it several times. Love it!
The Woods Are Just Trees
The Trees Are Just Wood
Yeah, sad. That’s about the best I can do quoting. But, the only musical that I have seen professionally done (besides Mama Mia which I thought was terrible) is Wicked! This tops the list for favorite musicals and I could probably quote every song from it.
And me liking musicals has nothing to do with me being gay.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
I love to hike. It tends to clear my mind; give me an opportunity to remove a lot of the noise that seems to endlessly plague my day-to-day routine.Well, I was on a hike with one of my bisexual girlfriends on Saturday and we got on the subject of fantasies. I obviously made some snarky comment about firemen and lots of "hoses" but, as I dwelt on the concept throughout the day, and as I was falling asleep that night, I started to wonder what my real fantasies were.
Not merely sexual (I mean, really, who doesn't like a good uniform?), but what are some of my deepest desires? What do I long for?
Anyway, long story short, I woke up beaming yesterday after dreaming I had adopted six (yes, 6!) kids and I was happily in some relationship with some unknown guy. So, moral of the dream, my subconscious' fantasy is to be happily committed with lots of kids. I'm okay with that.
Since waking up Sunday morning I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of this life and how I am going to achieve my dreams, goals, and greatest aspirations. Honestly, the path my life is currently on does not completely coalesce with the direction I want it to go long term. I am currently working on it but I still have a long way to go. But I am going to get there.Do I want to have six kids? I don't know. I want to have kids and I DON'T want to say 'no' to the idea of six kids but I don't think that is going to be a benchmark target for me. I do know that I want to find someone - one person - I want to spend my life with and I hope to have the family, the kids, the house with the picket fence, and the dog. Someday. My greatest goal today? To make sure I am preparing myself to be the guy that gets it!What are some of your dreams and fantasies?
Sunday, July 8, 2012
But here I am on a happy little Tuesday typing up my happy little Sunday post for you to read.
My weekend was filled with adventures. All I can really say for now is I had fun.
I did not get eaten by a bear. I did not get murdered by a psychopath in the woods.
I did not drown.
Next week there will be pictures. (or maybe on Thursday if Jo beats me to it).
~live your own truth~
Friday, July 6, 2012
People Read This?