Man, I do not miss adolescence. Not one bit.

A good friend of mine lives in Utah. She was dating a guy a little while ago. We write to each other frequently and sometimes Skype, so I heard lots of lovely details about his job and his biceps and his issues and yes, I called it, he’s gay.

Well, he says he’s bisexual. I should probably defer to his self-identification—bisexuals are real I think—but I’m pretty sure he’s just in fooling himself. I say this because some weeks before my friend and this guy broke up, he forwarded her a link to a talk, which she forwarded to me. The speaker? Jeff Robinson.

Maybe you don’t recognize the name. He’s famous / infamous in gay LDS  circles.

I would share the link with you, but the url has some private information in it thanks to the guy’s file-naming choices. It’s essentially a John Bytheway style talk expounding Robinson’s theories about how boys become attracted to boys and how they can combat that . . . that “challenge.” Sorry ladies, your development is not theorized.

My friend’s “bi” friend treats these ideas as God’s Honest Truth. I do not think this is so. Nevertheless, I find some of the ideas appealing. Robinson says that gay guys are generally intelligent boys who are in touch with their feelings and who have a higher than normal urge to be Good, and that coupled with the somewhat dysfunctional/negative/nonexistent LDS teachings about sex leads these boys to orient themselves toward other boys. He goes on to say that during puberty, when boys are aroused pretty much twenty-four / seven for any reason at all, that orientation becomes sexualized. (Other boys are bored with boys by this point, so it’s their budding interest in girls that becomes sexualized.)

There are good things about this view. It’s more compassionate than one that says we’re just Satan’s aberrations or whatever. Who doesn’t want to think of themselves as intelligent, in touch with their feelings, and desiring to be Good? And yes, for those of you who’ve never been adolescent boys, that frequency of arousal is just about right. And so frustrating when you’re trying to be Good.

There are problems, though. Forgive me for not getting in to them, but without a copy or transcript of the talk to give you, I’d have to transcribe big chunks of it on my own even before setting upon the rats’ nest of logic and assumptions going on there. I’m not up to it tonight.

Luckily for all of us, I’ve been reading gay Mormon blogs for a loooong time, so I remember when way back in 2009-ish a couple of other bloggers talked about the same guy! (Though not the same talk.) Jon contemplated him. O-mo disagreed with him. And Alan eviscerated him. Ouch.

My ending thoughts are that for all I know, for at least some of us, he could be on to something regarding how sexual orientations are formed, at least in part. Lots of little bits of his theory resonate with me. I don’t think that means same sex attractions can be changed or even substantially lessened, though perhaps you can learn to devalue them and not pay attention to them. As someone who doesn’t believe in God’s condemnation for homosexual sex, I don’t think that’s necessary or even desirable, but if you, like my friend’s “bi” friend, want to try, be my guest.

***

This week I’m going to think about “the gay identity” and read a few essays that I came upon this week and tucked away.

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I’m twenty-four now. It's been a really long year, full of good, and now I'm ready to hibernate. Three more weeks of school!

We’re Just Friends

“I care about you for no good reason.”

-R

Sometimes you just meet someone and you click. Sometimes you just become insta-friends. And sometimes you can look back and pin-point the moment when you both realized that you cared for each other. My friend R and I did that last night.

Here’s the thing. I had a crush on her. Before we ever became close friends I knew I liked her. Then one night I was sitting with Lee and he mentioned his blog post and she just piped up “I read the blog.” I’m not going to lie, I was shocked and scared. I didn’t know she knew I was gay. But she did. And was still sitting next to me on the couch.

That night we talked for hours and when she told me she wasn’t gay I let my crush go. Sure I was a little disappointed but it was worth it because I made a great friend.

Over the last couple of weeks we’ve been hanging out an awful lot.

But that one moment when you realize you care for them.

Hers for me was a few days ago. I was sick and accidentally fell asleep and was late for my shift. The shift coordinator knew we were close and asked if she had seen me and told her that I was missing. Her mind kind of freaked out and thought I went and off-ed myself. I didn’t. I was just asleep. But she was still worried and pissed when the coordinator didn’t tell her I finally showed up. When I got the chance I went and talked to her to let her know what was going on and then went home sick.

Mine for her was last night. I had spent time with two of my older friends and well it just felt wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I still love them. But I’ve changed and there was a certain piece of negativity to them that made me feel off. And they just didn’t seem to understand me anymore. So she sat down on the other side of E and we were all just talking. As soon as she showed up I was simply happy. I knew that as soon as E would leave I would scoot over to sit closer to her. However when he got up she beat me to the punch and sat right next to me. I leaned over and told her “This may not make sense and seem kind of random but you bring good into my life.”  

I guess it was just nice. After that I admitted that I had liked her. And apologized that people may suck and assume that we were together. Sure she isn’t ecstatic about that but she doesn’t mind.

Sometimes you just find someone and it works. With all the crap going on up here with everyone hating on LGBT’s (maybe I’ll rant about that next week but in case you have no idea what is going on check out Lee’s post) and me being terrified of being out, it’s just nice to find someone who doesn’t mind. Who still loves me even though that may bring assumptions on to her. Who seems to care about me for no good reason. It’s just nice to find a friend like R. 

-Dupree

You want to know something odd? I don't have a song for R. Generally I have a song for everyone but I don't have a song that just screams R. One of these days I'll find the perfect song. But for now let's just go for this. 

"You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound"