The Revolution Will Be Dirty, Fabulous and Live on the Air

My activism has taken many forms, I’ve been a street fighter, a journalist, a speech maker, just about anything you can imagine. But I never thought I’d take my fight to the airwaves as I have over the last several months.

I’m the co-host of a weekly show called The Rainbow Asylum, along with Arizona activist Mike Shipley (aka Head Nurse Mikester). We started the show back in September after I was a guest on Mike’s weekly political talk show Outright Arizona. The both of us had such a blast on the air that I suggested we do our own show.

But it had to be something different, Outright AZ, the radio network Mike had his show on, was mainly political shows, all of them with a libertarian bent and a few focused on LGBT issues. Mike and I were both serious political junkies and insanely driven activists, we needed a break from the constant work we were both engaged in.

So that’s how it started, a weekly break from the insanity that consumes most serious political addicts (and hence the name “The Rainbow Asylum”). But we had to go further than that; Mike and I are both cultural radicals, often scorning mainstream gay culture. We had to attempt to reinvent it.

We went for it, Mike adopted the stage persona of Head Nurse Mikester and became a sharp tongued androgynous king bitch, liberally lashing celebrities, politicians and yes, even yours truly. I became the Soundmaster, spinning gems from the queercore underground, including mainstays like Sister George, the Tom Robinson Band, and Pansy Division, but also digging deeper and airing bands like Maris the Great & the Faggots of Death, Le Sexoflex, Hunx & His Punx, the Strong Boys, and Closet Burner.

Slowly, but surely we started to get somewhere with it, people dug our crass humor, the records we were playing, and our first weekly bit “Slut of the Week”, where we pick a celebrity that’s being particularly asinine and officially end their careers. Most of our targets have been musicians or actors, but we have taken a few political swipes, such as when we declared the entire US Congress as “Slut of the Week” over the government shutdown.

Our first break happened with our Halloween show, we had Maris the Great on as our guest and he was insane, discussing his habit of eating the brains of his lovers, the danger that mere mortals face in his presence and during our “Slut of the Week” bit, he ate the brains of our chosen loser. People tuned in to hear the King of the Gay Undead growl with two weird activists.

Shortly after Maris was on, we expanded our show to an hour and a half and added a new cast member, Sandra Furr. I knew Sandra back when I was in college and knew she would be perfect for the show. With her sharp drag persona, she started doing a bit called “Sandra Furr’s Concrete Carpet” where she would dig up a queer artist who was more pop than what I normally played and highlight one of their songs.

We were growing and quickly becoming the highest rated show on the network, we had our own on-air personalities and were getting a fairly regular cast of callers, who would dial in to make crass jokes, tell us they loved the show, or tell embarrassing stories about either me or Mikester.

But even though what we were doing was meant to be non-political, it was revolutionary in its own right. Mike and I both came out of the underground music scenes, we were used to digging for our own culture and identities and with the mainstreaming of American gay culture, a lot of that raw, dirty edge was rapidly disappearing in a haze of Top Forty pop radio and drag queen reality shows.

So we set out to tear it down and rebuild it in our own image and encourage our brothers and sisters to rediscover their own queer cultural roots and find what was going on that The Advocate wasn’t talking about.

And I think so far we’re succeeding…

Tune into the Rainbow Asylum, Sunday Nights at 10:00 PM EST (9:00 Central, 8:00 AZ) on the Outright Arizona Network at BlogTalkRadio: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/outrightaz

Find the Rainbow Asylum on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RainbowAsylum

Film at 11

In ten years of being an activist, I’ve gotten my fair share of press coverage, nothing national, but I’ve been in the local papers more than a few times and I’ve been on the local news a time or two. When I was away at college in Terre Haute at Indiana State University, it wasn’t really a big deal, but when I returned to my hometown after I graduated, I nearly caused a family panic.

It was back in March, there was a demonstration down in Indianapolis at the Statehouse, the Supreme Court was hearing the oral arguments in the DOMA and Prop 8 cases, so the community in Indy joined in solidarity across the nation to show our support for marriage equality.

I drove in with my boyfriend at the time, who was a bit nervous since he had never been a demonstration before. I assured him we would be fine, I’ve never had any trouble protesting in Indianapolis. We drove down to the protest site, signs in the back and some good activist music playing on the car stereo.

We got there, unloaded the signs and stood tall, we were amongst friends, several fellow cast members from our local Rocky Horror show were there, there was a couple guys from Terre Haute, and even a few of my old camp staff buddies had shown up to show their support and solidarity.

As the demonstration progressed, my boyfriend and I were tapped to hold this giant rainbow flag on the steps of the capitol building as the speeches rolled on. We stood up there with the others, holding the colors proudly as one speaker after another spoke on the bullhorn about the fight in the Supreme Court and what it meant for all of us.

Well the scheduled speakers finished up and the young lady running the demonstration looked around and said, “Does anybody else have a few words?”

The guys from the Rocky cast were looking at me, my old camp staff buddies had that little grin on their face, my boyfriend was smiling, and of course, my buddies from Terre Haute were egging me on a bit.

So I walked up and took the bullhorn, my blood pumping with that righteous anger familiar to all activists, I started rattling off about our birthrights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, the progress of the movement, how we were seeing the beginnings of the last struggle, all that sort of thing. I finished up by getting the crowd in a good chant and then stepped back to the flag.

The demonstration wrapped up, we packed up our signs, drove home and went our separate ways. It had been a good evening, pretty good turnout at the statehouse, good speeches from the schedule speakers, and it always feels good when old friends share the picket line with you.

I was at work the next day, ringing up sodas, lottery tickets, and gas when this lady comes up to the counter. She was one of our regular lottery customers and she looks at me and says, “Hey, I saw you on the news last night.”

I got confused for a minute, thinking maybe she mistook me for someone else, so I replied “Really? What was going on?”

She got excited and said, “It was some rally downtown. I told my husband, ‘I know that guy! That’s the guy from the gas station!’”

I handed her the usual lottery tickets and wished her the best of luck. I didn’t think much about being told I was on the news, I thought it was kind of funny that I had been out of action for nearly a year and the first demonstration I show up at, I end up on TV. Still, it didn’t seem all together unusual.

Then I got home from work.

My mother called me in a near panic, “You better thank God that your grandfather no longer watches the local news!” Apparently she had caught the piece on Channel 6 where they used my fiery improv speech as their introduction to the story.

“Son, I didn’t care when you did that sort of thing in Terre Haute, we don’t have family out there, but the last thing your eighty year old conservative grandfather needs to see is you draped in a rainbow flag and holding a bullhorn on the local news.”

She was right, it would have been a nasty shock; my mother has accepted my sexuality, even if she doesn’t always understand my hellfire activism. The other members of the family? Well most of them don’t know about my sexuality and as far as the hellfire activism, yeah they’re a bit in the dark about that too.

My grandfather didn’t see the news story, but I’m pretty sure my Uncle Bill did since he hasn’t really spoken to me since.

We Got Your Back

Dedicated to Brother Phoenix, who lit a fire under me.

Yesterday was Transgender Day of Remembrance, where we gathered in cities, towns, and online to remember our brothers and sisters in the Trans* community who were brutally murdered this year. We made a pledge to honor the fallen and work towards a better day where there is no more innocent blood spilled. It was a beautiful moment of solidarity across states and across nations.

But such solidarity is rarely seen throughout the rest of the year.

It has been one hell of a year on the front, no doubt, more and more states are passing marriage equality, the Supreme Court ruled in our favor in the DOMA cases, and ENDA passed the Senate for the first time in its nearly twenty year history. The opposition seems to be on the run as they lose one battle after another, 2013 seems like it could be the beginning of the end of our long fight for equality and liberty.

Hold on, not so fast. The opposition isn’t giving up so easy; they’re just turning their sights on a new target.

While we’re celebrating our wedding vows, our brothers and sisters in the Trans community are facing more fundamental fights, the fight to use the bathroom in peace, the fight to be able to go to school without fear of harassment, the fight to be recognized as real human beings who deserve respect. And the opposition is zeroing in on them.

In California, Governor Brown signed into law Assembly Bill 1266, which protects the rights of Trans* students in California public schools, it allows them to participate in classes, extra-curricular activities, and sports with respect to their gender identity. The bill has been widely celebrated as the first of its kind to protect Trans* students in public schools. Naturally, the Right went completely apeshit.

The Pacific Justice Institute was the first to strike, spreading false stories about a Trans* student in Colorado who was allegedly “harassing” other students in the bathroom. The backlash against the student (known as “Jane Doe”) was harsh and violent, with people openly calling for her mutilation and threatening to kill her. The school Jane Doe attends said there had been no harassment. But that didn’t stop PJI from stating that her very existence was tantamount to harassment.

Privacy for All Students was the next group to get in on the fight, supposedly a grassroots movement against Gov. Brown’s bill, the group claims to have gotten enough signatures to challenge the bill in a ballot vote. As far as what they plan to do to protect Trans* students if the bill is repealed, they told activist Jeremy Hooper, “Finding a ‘solution’ is above our pay grade.”

Oh and just in case you forgot about them, NOM decided to get in on this fight as well, I guess because being solely against gay marriage isn’t paying the bills anymore.

So what is the LGB community doing to defend the T in all this? Well sadly it doesn’t seem like much, there doesn’t seem to be the powerhouse organizations in the corner of our brothers and sisters in the Trans* community. And the sad part is, that seems almost par for the course, a lot of mainstream gay rights groups shy away from the Trans* community, HRC is notorious for throwing Trans* people under the bus when it’s politically convenient and in 2007, HRC endorsed a version of ENDA which did not include gender identity protections. I suppose in their minds, half a loaf was better than no loaf at all.

Well maybe we don’t need them; I’m here to talk to you, dear reader, not them. You can stand up, you can do something to help our Trans* brothers and sisters. You don’t need a big checkbook and you don’t need a congressman in your pocket, you just need yourself and the belief that they are your brothers and sisters in this fight.

I wasn’t always such an advocate for the Trans* community, it took some brothers out in Arizona to light a fire under my ass. It was back in April, I was on assignment with Polari to cover the fight against Arizona’s bathroom bill, which would have made it a crime for a Trans* person to use a public restroom. Frankly, I thought we had already decided that it was a fundamental right to take a piss here in America; I thought we established that back in 60’s. But I was mistaken.

I talked to a group of Trans* people who were fighting for their basic right to go when you gotta go. I saw what the opposition was saying about them, I saw how they were being portrayed as monsters and criminals, I heard their stories, I reported what was going on out in Arizona. I went in as a half-crazed journalist and left the story a fierce fighter, ready to stand tall and strong with our brothers and sisters unto the Gates of Hell if that’s what it took.

That’s what I’m asking you to do, don’t perpetrate the divide of our community. Those in the Trans* community are your brothers and sisters and they need us now. We all remember when the opposition zeroed in on us, are we going to abandon them now that they’re the ones being targeted?

You don’t have to move heaven and earth, just stand with your brothers and sisters, tell them you’re on their side, tell them we together are united and strong and show them that if we stand together, no force the opposition can muster will tear us apart and no force can stop us from being free and equal together.

Blues, Booze, Romance, and Revolution: From the Poetry Notebooks

After my first story about a drunken gig, I got a demand from TA Demings to put some poetry up here. Not all of them are pretty, but they’re all honest. If you dig it, let me know, I always got plenty more in the notebooks.

Rainbow in June

(By Walter Beck)

Pt. I: Day (Scales Falling)

Where were my brothers?

Where was the righteous anger

I spent many nights drinking deeply of?

Where were the scarred eyes

That could blaze across a thousand headlines

At a moment’s notice?

Who were these plastic young men

Strutting around shirtless

With shaved, chiseled chests?

Swimming around

In complimentary Coors Light beads,

Weaving in and out

To a synthetic dancing rhythm.

The only glimpse of any fire

I saw

Was someone busking for donations

With complimentary gifts

To pay off their lobbyists.

I had finally made the pilgrimage;

And saw that our fathers’ house

Had been turned into a den of thieves.

Pt. II: Night (Heart of Salvation)

At the stroke of midnight

As I stood outside the gates to the Freaks’ Mass;

I saw a short, stout young man,

Shirtless

With a nipple ring

Flashing in the moonlight.

He had eyes that said

He had walked with the kings,

He had seen the mountaintops.

He had eyes that said

“Walk with me in madness.”

He had eyes that said,

“I can show you to love flesh to flesh.”

He had eyes that said…

No ID Piss Break Blues

(By Walter Beck)

There ain’t no right

To drop a deuce,

To drain the lizard,

Down in Phoenix way.

There ain’t no liberty

To take a squat,

To have a slash,

Down in Phoenix way.

There ain’t no guarantee

To piss in peace,

To take a dump without being asked

To see your papers please,

Down in Phoenix way.

The old side is still too crippled with fear

To let our people go,

Too invested in rumors of crimes

Of strange rapists and perverts,

To let our people go

Down in Phoenix way.

Our brothers are marching in the street,

Calling their reps,

And emailing their senators,

All for the right to go when you gotta go,

Down in Phoenix way.

Oh down in Phoenix way,

Pissing is still a crime

In the land of the free.

It’s Like Giving Roses for a Writer

(By Walter Beck)

Walking off the stage;

After the longest set of my career,

Forty-five minutes,

Spitting romance and revolution

To half a dozen people,

Plus the sound guy.

But it doesn’t matter;

It was new ground broken

And I still felt alive.

I ran into you

After I walked off stage,

Still high from the performance

And about a dozen beers.

You only heard part of my diatribe on stage

Because you were getting ready

For your own show;

Holy Christ, you were beautiful

To my boozy poetic eyes.

I gave you my set-list

So you could read it for yourself;

It was the closest thing

To a romantic gesture

I’ve ever really done.

No More Martyrs Blues Pt. III

(By Walter Beck)

The headlines keep screaming

“VICTORY”,

Again and again.

State fourteen rings the bells

And fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen

Seem lined up at the gate.

But the backlash is brewing.

After ten years of riding high

In the highest courts of the land,

And in main street America,

Riding the crest of public favor

And the wave is getting ready to crash.

The backlash is brewing.

It’s brewing,

Under the glare of knife points

Flashed on a digital screen.

It’s brewing,

When messages flash

Still calling for us to be locked up in camps.

It’s brewing,

When the homegrown hate

Crosses international borders.

The backlash is brewing.

It’s brewing,

While we’re falling asleep at the wheel,

While we turn our demands on autopilot,

So sure of the mountaintops we’ll see.

It’s brewing,

While we turn over our hopes and dreams

To the professionals,

To let them sort out all this mess.

The backlash is brewing,

And I still wonder

How much innocent blood must be spilled

Before our last bridge is crossed?

And in the End, You Begin Again

(I’ve had this saved in my computer for over a month. The time has come, though, to finally publish it).

A little over a year ago, a scared young man experienced the straw that broke the camel’s back. Feeling lost, alone, and struggling to find what he was looking for in romantic partners and his newly acquired queer community, he hopelessly began his quest for resolution with a Google search: “gay mormon.” This simple phrase returned a plethora of results, including the blog for a figure prominent within the gay Mormon movement. After exchanging a few emails, the young man became connected to numerous Facebook groups and individuals all gathered for the same purpose: to support each other under the common alias of “gay and Mormon.”

One year later, I’m wondering where the support went.

Initially, that curiosity wasn’t present. I took part in some wonderful discussions and critical dialogue. I witnessed some incredible stories and saw individuals triumph and achieve huge successes. I even attended a conference to explore these ideas and discussions even further, and connected with an amazing group of people that I still keep in touch with to this day.

But the winds have swiftly changed. No longer is my voice given merit in these spaces. In fact, it’s often silenced by allies claiming to know what’s best for me. Often times, this is done by speaking over those of us who do identify this way and attempt to speak out. My desire to address issues on a systemic, Church policy level has been ignored by individuals seeking to assimilate into those Mormons who have oppressed them and others like them. Instead of recognizing our differences and variation in experiences as LGBTQ Mormons, we are now prescribed the way to enact both aspects of our shared identity. The stories of individuals in mixed orientation marriages are deployed by many in the Church as the way to be LGBTQ and Mormon. Sadly, this is not the only prescription LGBTQ Mormons are given. Many other similarly harmful prescriptions are in circulation, ones issued even by allies and our own movements.

And the more I speak out, the more I struggle finding resonance.

When the straw broke the camel’s back this time, I asked myself to reflect upon why I’m involved in these spaces and movements, and if that’s being fulfilled. I was searching for people like me that I could relate to. And on the surface, I found that. Beneath it, I only found out how different I am.

But while my pursuit requires me to step back these spaces, I will still very much be there. My background in feminist studies and activist work within the queer community only enriches my understanding of societal issues at play within Mormon spaces. I, along with other Mormon feminists, as well as other religious feminists and non-religious ones, will be there to address these issues and work at dismantling them in an institution which thrives on their presence. 

I’ve had a wonderful time writing for “Breaking the Silence;” I’ve grown so much since I first started writing. I’ve learned that to critique something does not mean to get rid of it or disavow of it completely, but to take a critical and honest look at something. In the words of Debbie Ford: “If we deny our ugliness, we lessen our beauty.” And I’ve learned that I make the rules for myself, that I should never feel like I must abide by stereotypes and rules set forth for me, even in queer spaces. This blog was one of the first I ran into in my quest for gay Mormons, and I look forward to returning to my spectator role and keeping up with the brilliant posts these authors continue to come up with. Because I feel like I have shifted from a gay Mormon to a queer…secular.  But for now, perhaps another young individual could utilize this space to grow and develop some. I know I did. And my silence has been broken. More accurately put, it can’t be contained.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

 “No... no. But I found something I thought I'd lost: Faith to keep looking.”

                                                                        - The X Files “The End Game”

Do I Need to Repeat Myself?

(whenever an authority figure would ask that^ question, I would get chills. Sorry if that's what the title induced for y'all!)

I spend a lot of my time on Tumblr, an online blogging community where people blog pictures, videos, moving images (more appropriately called gifs), and text posts. People are able to then reblog these posts, which can be done by clicking this button:

Today, as I gear up to do some substantial writing, it's been helpful to go back through my old posts on "Breaking the Silence" to familiarize myself with points I've already made, but need to make again, and will probably have to keep making. One post in particular has aided substantially in my research, and I feel the need to reblog it today: "Age, in Boy Scouts and in Love." Again and again do individuals write off news headlines and various cases as progress, without thinking about who that progress does not benefit and at who's expense is that progress occurring. And in social movements aimed at changing a body and institution as large as a church, it's important to keep in mind that on a broad level (individual may be different), progress that continues to oppress even one person or demographic is progress for no one, in the grand scheme of things.

Stay tuned.

Also, I'm 2 days and 6 episodes into Netflix's original series Orange is the New Black. Do yourself a favor and watch it, but be advised that it does have mature content.

Also, all my posts on "Breaking the Silence" can be found here.

Leave Your Prescriptions at the Closet: A Note for Allies

“And in a political movement that aims at representing us, the fluidity of our experiences should be recognized, and none should be prioritized over another, or prescribed to the rest of us as the way to be simultaneously LGBTQ and Mormon.”

I wrote this in my post last week, which attempted to position myself in the LGBTQ Mormon movement and articulate the validity of my Mormon identity without church attendance. And this quote has resonated within me throughout this past week.

In terms of my sexuality and religion, I have been told all my life how I should be living.  People, institutions, and norms have prescribed for me various ways on how to live my life. One such way was to stay closeted about my sexuality and be the good Mormon boy who goes to church, gets married in the temple, and has kids: a very normative life. And that whole gay thing? A phase I will work through. Desires I can put aside. Feelings that don’t define who I am.

Coming out and reclaiming my sexuality, and identity overall, was the ultimate “screw you” to norms and rules that sought to dictate the course of my life. Coming out was the ultimate act to forever repel any thoughts or advice from others on how to live my life.

And yet, these prescriptions keep on coming. Surprisingly, they come from allies in the LGBTQ Mormon movement—yes people aimed at supporting my own community.

In any movement, allies are an essential part in promoting effective change and tolerance. Their support makes a whole lot of difference, especially in movements by the minority aimed at changing the majority. However, being an ally means having to check oneself continuously as to make sure they are not abusing their position as the majority. And as of late, I’ve seen many allies within the LGBTQ Mormon movement profess their own insight and experiences as “the way for everyone to be ____” or “how we all should _____.” Yes, these non-LGBTQ identified people are telling ME, someone who is LGBTQ identified, how to live MY life within a movement aimed at resolving ME.

Running into these types of discussions this past week has only reminded me of the quote from my post last week. Because many of us who are LGBTQ and Mormon identified are and will continue to be at different positions in our lives, carrying out our intersecting religious and sexual identities in different ways. No way is better than the other, and there is enough room for everyone to express themselves how they would like to. Because coming out of the closet was the last time I subjected myself to anyone’s prescriptions. And in a movement aimed at representing US, the voices of those actually LGBTQ identified and Mormon should not be silenced, especially by our allies. Nor should our allies tell us how to express ourselves. Because once you tell me how to live my life again, you’re shoving me back into a closet.

Visually, the shift from our current ally culture to a better one would look like this:

(courtesy of www.thegestianpoet.tumblr.com)

If You Don't Go to Church, Then Why Do You Care?

As I delve deeper into LGBTQ Mormon activism, surrounded by individuals attempting to reconcile their sexual or gender identity within traditional Mormon spaces, others increasingly ask me this question. As a result, I have even begun to ask myself this as well. Indeed, I am no longer attending church, so why do I care about LGBTQ Mormon movements?

First, I think it’s important to point out the implications this question has: in order to identify religiously, one must regularly attend church services. For many of us identifying as LGBTQ and Mormon, ex-communication and being forced out of religious spaces is a common experience, and our desire to worship is disregarded. Thus, the problem with defining identity in terms of church attendance is that it erases the history of many LGBTQ-identified individuals, people who have been forced to leave and find religion some other way. Additionally, this definition of a religious identity prioritizes one way of having a religious identity over others. For me, this means I see the potential in non-active church members working with LGBTQ religious movements. Because disregarding current activity status, I at one point in my life was carrying out both my queer and religious identities simultaneously. Because I remember the pain and want to help create a space for others in situations I once was in. I also see connections between the LGBTQ Mormon movement and other issues within the Church, such as feminism (both struggle with the prevailing patriarchy). Many of these issues remain close to my heart and ones that I want to see resolved.

And truth be told, it’s not as simple as stepping away from the Church. Many of us are born into the Church, and brought up in Mormon households. Our households and families remain Mormon, despite our lack of involvement with the official Church. The customs and upbringing in Mormon spaces remains ingrained for many of us, as Matt demonstrated in his post a few weeks ago. And even if I seek spirituality elsewhere or nowhere, this institution exists and continues to halt the progress of the people and causes I care about. And it exists within us: our minds, our families.

It is this variation in experiences of LGBTQ Mormons that needs to be recognized. Whether active or inactive, single or in a relationship, there are many different ways to be simultaneously LGBTQ and Mormon. And in a political movement that aims at representing us, the fluidity of our experiences should be recognized, and none should be prioritized over another, or prescribed to the rest of us as the way to be simultaneously LGBTQ and Mormon.

A few months back, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop at UCSB presented by two of the authors of Original Plumbing (be sure to check out this wonderful blog here). During the workshop, an individual expressed the opportunity he has had to speak and educate about trans issues, despite many people being unaware that he identifies as trans also. He referred to this as a shift of consciousness from a trans-identified voice to a non-trans ally, and how this has allowed him to have a different approach and perspective in his activism.

This resonated deeply with me. In many ways, it’s how I feel currently. I may never return to Church, and I may decide existing in spaces of worship no longer works for me. But no matter what, I will still have my experience, at one point in my life, of being gay and Mormon. And while I’m working to create a space for those still in this or similar parts of their life, I’m also working to create a space for the teenager me that wanted it to be okay to be out, and find a more accurate religion of love and acceptance. And maybe it be a drastic restructuring of a flawed institution or resorting elsewhere to other means of worship. But I’ll never get closer to discovering what this all would look like if I don’t join in making it reality. And in no way does this invalidate my experiences and the identity I hold onto.

The Real Acceptance Project: Making Efforts to Accept Everyone and Every Experience

Friday evening, I had the opportunity to attend a film screening of the latest documentary, titled “Families are Forever,” put out by the Family Acceptance Project (FAP). This initiative, through San Francisco State University, outreaches to families with LGBTQ youth who are religious or ethnic, in order to preserve the family unit and foster acceptance and love of families toward LGBTQ identified individuals. For anyone wanting more information on the project, this is their official website, a statement by The Cesar Chavez Institute through which the project was done, and the project’s research as published in this journal and this journal.

I acknowledge, but do not wish to focus on, the technical and research aspect of the project. Those so interested can read about the research as linked to above. The one thing I will comment on is use of the “LGB” acronym in this research, and thereby the exclusion of the T: transgender. The articles in both published journals each start out by using the acronym “LGBT.” But as the study and article proceeds, the acronym explicitly becomes “LGB.” In fact, people identifying as trans have, statistically speaking, some of the highest rates of homelessness: one-fifth of respondents identifying as trans in this survey had been homeless at one time. 

I came into the film screening with two questions about the project, which I asked in the Q&A session following the presentation:

1. What, in this research, defines a family?

2. Does this project address the needs of those who left their respective religious communities, and repairing relationships between the family and the individual?

The project’s director did answer these questions, albeit in a manner I found to be indirect and dismissive. However, addressing them could benefit the project in assisting more LGBTQ and religious identified youth, as doing so dismantles the project’s prioritization of marriage and active membership in the church. In reality, the structure of families and the experiences of LGBTQ and religious identified youth vary.

What defines a family is crucial in when we discuss “family,” as the term is recycled throughout the study and project. Is family defined as a group of people headed by heterosexually married biological parents? Are single and widowed parents included? What about families headed by other family members, like grandparents or aunts and uncles? And, is family defined as having blood relatives? The different structures of family affect one’s experience within it. While I was assured that the project studied “many different types of family,” the research did not clarify this question for me. Knowing what I know about the LDS church and its enforcement of normative family structures, the possibility of relying upon other forms of family than the normative and traditional ones seemed slim. However, the variance in family experience should be accounted for, as the different heads of a family constitute a LGBTQ identified youth’s experience. Moreover, should family be defined as blood relatives who put others in situations such as homelessness? While this does not address the needs of LGBTQ identified homeless, maybe there’s something wrong with how we, as a society, are defining family. A crucial difference between blood relatives, who may disagree with us, and family, people who love and accept is, should be made. After all,

A reality for some LGBTQ and religious identified individuals is that they end up leaving the church they were raised in, whether forced to or voluntary, and remain content to not be attending church. I see this situation an important one to include in the FAP. Many will question why no longer religiously-involved LGBTQ identified individuals even matter in movement such as this. If they are no longer attending Church, why should this affect them?  Despite the inactivity or religious relocation of these individuals, their families may remain faithful and religious, which can cause friction in a relationship. The fact of the matter is that religion can be more than just sitting in a chapel. Religion becomes a way of life for many individuals and families. From these beliefs sprout customs, a culture, a navigation of how to live one’s life. As seen in the documentary “Families are Forever,” the Montgomerys had a life envisioned for their son before he came out to them. The religious culture within families rings true for Mormons, and for many other religions. And these traditions remain in tact with families, independent of a LGBTQ identified individual’s activity within an organized body of religion. I, personally, am still asked to pray and participate in prayer at family gatherings and meals. I, daily, deal with how was I socialized and how the conditions it mandates on my activities now. Simply quitting attending church does not free oneself from religion’s effects. And should LGBTQ youth want to leave their church, I would hope this project addresses, embraces, respects, and works with that. And should they want to stay in their church, I would hope this project addresses, embraces, respects, and works with that. I don’t think there’s one way to live as a religious and LGBTQ identified individual  – we have many different experiences. And they should not be placed on a hierarchy, with one lived experience prioritized over another.

I applaud the work that FAP is doing, as the homelessness and rejection of LGBTQ youth is a pertinent issue in our society. However, I desire for the FAP to be accountable for the variance in experiences of the religious LGBTQ community, and to not prescribe one way of living to the entire body. This privileging of family structure and activity within religious spaces does more to promote assimilation into traditional family structures and religious spaces, overlooking other experiences. And maybe those other issues are what need to be accepted, by everyone. 

Age, in Boy Scouts and in Love

Seeing as how my brain is preoccupied with a 10 page paper at the moment (on the topic of an analysis of a social network, which I know nothing about), I have two small in size, but big in significance, contributions to make up a meager post this week:

1. “Progress” at the expense of others is not true progress. The progress that I aspire towards seeks to leave no one behind in social movements, while addressing systematic and institutionalized inequalities. I’ve spoken about how the first female prayer at last General Conference overshadowed harmful addresses like the tolerance trap that discriminated against LGBT members. Many argue that such addresses don’t explicitly mention that’s what it’s about, but I don’t have to explicitly state my eyes are blue to get the point across…

This week, I applied my conception of progress to the Boy Scout of America’s announcement of a shift in policy. Whereas the organization previously debated about the inclusion of gay members, BSA has sought to lift the ban on gay youth, but continue it for gay leaders. This decision does nothing to eliminate the homophobia, discrimination, and the hierarchy/privilege allotted to heterosexual men in the organization. These issues remain with the continued exclusion of gay leaders, not to mention the men that are left behind as people continue to focus exclusively on one demographic (in this case, young boys) and hail this as “progress.” The cause and narrative of adult gay men gets lost, and the social movement we’re in suffers fractures.

2. This song. Has been on repeat. I may or may not have cried listening to it. And I can’t wait for The Great Gatsby to come out. 

Mormons Be Like, "Progress!"

“Wait…women weren’t allowed to pray before??”

This was my first reaction upon reading that Jean A. Stevens, first counselor in the Primary presidency, gave the first prayer ever given by a woman at a worldwide Mormon meeting during Saturday’s General Conference session.

(Reason why I’m not a good Mormon: I’ve never watched a televised General Conference event. Ever. In years past, I’d read the talks online or in print if I perhaps was interested in any of them. Otherwise, I’ve never participated in General Conference.)

Women have been able to pray during regular, local Sunday services for as long as I’ve been alive. And truth be told, women’s prayers often captured my attention and spirit better than their male counterparts. I was baffled as to how a woman had never before prayed in a General Conference before. Welcome to 1925, y’all.

As per usual, the drama started while reading my Facebook newsfeed, blown up with news of the “first prayer by a woman at Mormon conference.” The response was an overwhelming “yay progress!,” to which I groaned.

In an email quoted by The Salt Like Tribune , Kristine Haglund, editor of Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, offered an explanation as to why women had never before been invited to pray at worldwide Church meetings:

"It was the unintended consequence of the institutional systematization of patriarchy.”

And it was Steven’s prayer that uncovered the existence of patriarchy at an institutional level. A system that didn’t acknowledge the capabilities and capacities of women to pray at worldwide meetings until 2013, 183 years after the Church was formed. And a system that is still in place, despite a historical prayer this weekend.

A system where at the same conference as the first woman’s prayer, talks were given that weren’t so welcoming and loving. Some warned us against the “tolerance trap,” as it was coined. Talks like these are especially harmful to members of LGBT Mormon spaces, and do much to show how little progress is being made, and how the institutionalized patriarchy is still operating at its finest. 

I am glad that women are now able to pray in these spaces. But it’s only one of many worthwhile causes Mormon feminists are working on. These people are continuing to work on the causes pertinent to bringing about substantial changes. A Facebook event the other week clued me in to a movement of women nationwide to wear pants on a specified Sunday. Besides this, people are working to challenge this patriarchy and other systemic issues limiting the participation and equal treatment of fellow churchgoers. Some promote tolerance and acceptance of women not complying with social expectations of marriage and homemaking. Others are working towards the inclusion of their fellow members who happen to identify as lesbian or gay. The Exponent illustrates the many issues Mormon feminists are working on and steps to take towards resolution. 

I do not wish to downplay the historical nature and significance of Sister Stevens’ prayer during General Conference. I accept it as a long overdue change that needed to happen, and hope it’s only a pit stop to real progress and adjustments of systemic and institutionalized issues present. For me, progress runs deeper than putting a woman on a pulpit and letting her speak. It’s making changes so that everyone may be able to partake in worshipping their God, and eliminate fear for being accepted or safe in religious spaces. That will be progress worth tuning in for. 

True Equality Won't Come with Marriage

A peaceful spring break quickly turned into a hectic one. Surprisingly, the continuous plans I made to keep me busy weren’t the most hectic part of it all. Dinner and Jersey Boys, a Giants game, and catching up with friends were the least of my chaos. The most frenzy came from Facebook and this symbol:

and my having to explain my position.

This post is not about arguing for or against the issue of same-sex marriage. That’s not the point. I myself am weary about marriage as an institution, specifically because of the inequalities it perpetuates and small population marriage is even applicable to. I invite anyone to click here, here, and here, for more reading on this topic, as more educated people have been better able to articulate their thoughts on the matter.

And yes, I do realize that this issue reaching the Supreme Court is historical and could produce significant legislation, so that’s not what this post is about. 

What this post is about, however, is how the issue of same-sex marriage is being deployed as a solution to injustice towards the LGBTQ community, the solution to everyone’s problems. And as I struggled to formulate my opinion on the matter, Jack Halberstam, Director of The Center for Feminist Research at University of Southern California and queer theorist, came as my saving grace with the following quote:

"Get married by all means--gays, straights, whatevers--but don't confuse recognition with liberation or the cementing of social norms with social justice."

Amen.

If anyone needs any proof that other and more crippling problems persist, then I wish I could show you my Facebook News Feed, filled with posts from conservative LDS Facebook friends that directly and indirectly denounce not only same-sex marriage, but most importantly homosexuality and being attracted to members of the same-sex. Attraction. Within these spaces, many are not even at the point of grasping the acceptability of individuals interested in members of the same sex, and allowing these people to express their interest through romance and relationships. Even if same-sex couples are granted the right to marry, there are still many problems facing people in the LGBTQ community. The fact that people identifying in such a way can only be accepted in my church if they abstain from romantic relationships is one issue, as it’s unfair to deny anyone to feel and experience the Christlike emotion of love, and build a family, which is one of, if not the, most important teaching of the church.

I admire those allies in support of same-sex marriage, as, for some, it reflects a genuine interest in gay and lesbian politics. But I beg that these same people become allies to the LGBTQ community as a whole, and keep this vigor and passion in issues much more plaguing and vital to the larger community. There are causes and actions more worthwhile than changing a profile picture, and these movements call for personal involvement to work towards solutions towards these problems. Because when “faggot” continues to be yelled at me as I walk down the streets of my community at night, I must admit that same-sex marriage is only a pit stop on this journey, with stops of homophobia, acceptance in religious spaces, and LGBT youth and homelessness needing to be addressed. There are many more issues plaguing the community that are vital to the mere survival of some. Before marriage, survival and basic necessities must be met first.