Matt here.
My friends! My dear friends. Most of us have never met, but I’ve been writing to you for years from various places. Those of you who’ve been around the ‘sphere long enough have seen me grow from a dark, sad sixteen year old to a bright, happy twenty-four year old. And today, I’m so very thankful.
I’m thankful for your comments and emails, your Facebook friendships and Skype sessions, our meetups and adventures. I’m thankful that I didn’t have to go through the past eight years surrounded exclusively by straight people, who, while often wonderful, can’t connect with me in the same ways you can.
I’m thankful for my parents, who were devastated when I came out but who pulled themselves together, like me, a bit at a time. I’m thankful that this weekend my dad is flying out to Japan so that we can have a three-week foreign adventure together. I’m thankful that my mom Skypes with me most weeks and my sister, who is an EFY session director, asks about my love life.
My life is filled with cherry blossoms and sunshine, and even my impending unemployment (two weeks!) can’t get me down today.
Without the darker years it would still be bright now, but my joy, my understanding and experience and savor of today’s brightness, would be blander. If your bright time hasn’t come yet, I hope it comes soon. I hope you can make yourself strong, and when you can’t make yourself strong, I hope you can find people who’ll lend you strength. If your bright time hasn’t come, know that someday this pain will be useful to you.
Nature.
Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You.
Showing posts with label novels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label novels. Show all posts
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
I Feel Human Dark With Sugar.
Matt here.
The series finale is still postponed, until I have time to think it through. This week I haven’t had that. This time when I’m sitting down to write is not that much.
I love that it’s Saturday. Yesterday a friend flew into Tokyo on a flight so late that, because I didn’t plan accordingly, we missed the last train home. We looked for a hotel but (no longer being in Tokyo and by this time thoroughly exhausted) we couldn’t find one. We ended up renting a karaoke booth for a few hours and singing until the trains started up again. We got to my apartment and went to sleep around six.
I love that I paused at the railroad crossing on my way to 7-11 to pay my electric bill and I saw the crown of Mt. Fuji nearly but not covered in smoky clouds. I’d just finished reading The Fault In Our Stars, so every pain and irritation felt far away and it has been one of those days when I feel I have extravagantly wonderfully much. Clouds. Novels. Tangerines. Poetry. Friend.
I love that my friend asked about the quotes on my mirror. The one from Joan Didion saying that “Character--the willingness to take responsibility for one’s own life--is the source from which self-respect springs” is if not my favorite the one I am most determined to apply. I blamed family and church for my unhappiness for too long, but slowly I’m making it habitual to say “I could have acted differently.”
I love that my friend let me read to him from Human Dark With Sugar. Feeling my tongue make the beautiful words to be heard made me hungry to live, to be human dark with sugar hot to melt the snow. If sex were like that I would not object.
Here is one of the poems I read to him: Why Is the Color of Snow?
Here is a website that made me smile and then recoil. Then smile again. WTF, Evolution?
The series finale is still postponed, until I have time to think it through. This week I haven’t had that. This time when I’m sitting down to write is not that much.
I love that it’s Saturday. Yesterday a friend flew into Tokyo on a flight so late that, because I didn’t plan accordingly, we missed the last train home. We looked for a hotel but (no longer being in Tokyo and by this time thoroughly exhausted) we couldn’t find one. We ended up renting a karaoke booth for a few hours and singing until the trains started up again. We got to my apartment and went to sleep around six.
I love that I paused at the railroad crossing on my way to 7-11 to pay my electric bill and I saw the crown of Mt. Fuji nearly but not covered in smoky clouds. I’d just finished reading The Fault In Our Stars, so every pain and irritation felt far away and it has been one of those days when I feel I have extravagantly wonderfully much. Clouds. Novels. Tangerines. Poetry. Friend.
I love that my friend asked about the quotes on my mirror. The one from Joan Didion saying that “Character--the willingness to take responsibility for one’s own life--is the source from which self-respect springs” is if not my favorite the one I am most determined to apply. I blamed family and church for my unhappiness for too long, but slowly I’m making it habitual to say “I could have acted differently.”
I love that my friend let me read to him from Human Dark With Sugar. Feeling my tongue make the beautiful words to be heard made me hungry to live, to be human dark with sugar hot to melt the snow. If sex were like that I would not object.
Here is one of the poems I read to him: Why Is the Color of Snow?
Here is a website that made me smile and then recoil. Then smile again. WTF, Evolution?
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