Quotes PART TWO

All the sticky notes on my computer :P

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Be the change you want to see in the world

Inhale love exhale hate

Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you

When nothing goes right... Go left

When life gives you melons you know you're dyslexic

When life gives you lemons make OJ and confuse everyone!

Act happy until you are happy.

Everyone is going to hurt you, You just need to find the ones worth suffering for.

One person's craziness is another person's reality - Tim Burton

You've chosen to forgive and forget. Now get on with your life.

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left

FALSE: This is just what girls who just want to have fun do!

Fake it until you make it

Life is like going up a down escalator. If you run you'll get ahead, if you walk you'll stay where you're at, but if you don't do anything you'll be dragged down.

You've seen much wiseness and eaten many potatoes. Find a leprechaun and teach him the hoola. Don't get angry, get delirious. Jump through earthquakes and dive through canoes. It could be fun. Then eat a million corn chips and blame it on someone else. :D

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love; Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for thy courts above

You haven't failed yet but it's always a possibility.

Start out depressed and everything is a pleasent surprise

Friendship is an involuntary reaction -How I Met Your Mother

Noise

It's so easy to get lost in the noise; so simple to get swallowed in the flow of work and social activities and work and work.  It feels so good to be go, go, going and accomplishing this and that and having something to show, having the praise of others for a job well done.  Those words feel so good in my ear; make me want to do more, to get more, to go more.  And so I go.  I do.  More.


And I forget.


I forget the beauty of the silence.  Of the quiet.  I forget how to listen to the beating of my own heart, like a drum, steady and true in my chest.  I forget that none of it really matters.  None of it.  I forget all that can be heard in the nothing - the whispers, the nudges, the sweet longings of my soul.


But when I get a taste of that quiet once more, I ache for it.  Standing out in the freezing dark of winter, listening to the silence, the way the snow absorbs the sounds of the city, the way the air is still while the world sleeps.  The way even the earth seems to hold her breath in honor of the silence.


Then.  


Then I remember what's real.

I can feel the attack coming...

So dear readers; I have a feeling that I am not going to be fairing quite so well in a few days. This week at USGA we are having a panel discussing the wide range of spiritual steps and journeys in terms of being an LGBT individual.

Now incase you somehow didn’t know; religious people are generally hated by gays and that sadly that means that religious gays are far and few in-between. Funny how a group that tries to teach to everyone to accept and love them as a minority would then go and attack a minority within their own culture… hypocrites.

Well I am going to be on the panel which I am very very excited about because I feel like I have a very unique viewpoint on spirituality and mormonism; I am active and a proud member of the Church with a strong testimony. There will be a few people who aren’t members anymore but still consider themselves mormon all the way to an ex-mormon who is now an atheist.

I feel an attack might be coming. Not a physical attack, but, I honestly think others won’t like what I have to say unless they are in the same boat as me. My biggest worry is that others will think that I am judging them or looking down on them. I am going to be very careful to make sure that this doesn’t happen; I just have very strong personal convictions and I want others with those same morals to know that they aren’t alone.

I don’t want people to get offended and end up loosing friends over this panel. Oh and I don’t want to have to get into a huge argument or debate with the atheist; it is not worth my time trying to convince someone who wouldn’t be willing to listen…

Are you LGBT and religious or am I the only one?

Surprise--!

I'm going on a big, grand adventure.
What kind, you ask? With the khakis and the pith helmets and the ethnocentrism? No, hopefully not.

This journey is one of physical and spiritual locales. Part of it will be with my family. Another part of it will be finding myself, because I've felt like I've been trapped under a rock for a long time. If I was applying to be an unemployed author, I could just chalk this up on my resume. Oh wait--I already am.
Whatever it is that's trapped away, I will find it. I'm being quite vague here due to the nature of the trip--but you will see many, many pictures when I am through.

Keep journeying in your own lives,
-Amber 

How I get through my days

I have sticky notes that I put up around my desk for inspiration. And since I couldn’t think of anything this week well…

Once you realize that will power is just a matter of learning how to control your attention and thoughts, you can really begin to increase it. –Mischel

Eye single to the Glory of God

Strength isn’t something you have… it’s something God helps you find. –Emma Hale Smith

You know what they call a unicorn without a horn? A friggin horse. –Glee

If someone wants to be a part of your life they’ll make an effort to be it. So don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay.

You always zig when I think you are about to zag and that’s what I love about you. –Glee

Perfection equals complete and whole. Am I complete and whole?

Who honors those by the very life we live. You have all the weapons you need… Now FIGHT! -Sucker Punch

Some people just need a high five… in the face… with a chair.

I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

When people cut you down or talk behind your back, remember they took time out of their pathetic lives to think about you.

I know you are out there. I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid… You’re afraid of us. I don’t know the future. I didn’t come here to tell you how this ends. I came here to tell you how it begins. –Dane Cook (Totally shocking that he wrote this. Maybe he didn’t but he did post it on his FB)

How many haters does it take to change a light bulb? None. They fear change, even if it can make the world a brighter place.

Peace: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.

What is the worst that can happen if you don’t sin?

It’s never too late to be who you might have been.

“I thought America was all about unique people coming together?” “Old brochure dude.” –Glee

So remember folks, keep a mini drag queen in your hearts at all times. – Our own Nathan Cunliffe

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. –Buddha

Examine the contents, not the bottle.

You may think and believe something with all the conviction of your heart yet you will never know what is best for a single individual. –Me

Remember that guy that gave up? Neither does anybody else.

We become who we want to be by being the person we want to become every day.

The reason you should let go and can’t let go are the same.

Trust should be a drop of water/Administered once a day/So that at the first sign of pollution/We can stop the flow/And let the rest dry away. -Tricia Levenseller

That is a terrible, self destructive plan and we are behind you 100%.

Organize people are just too lazy to look for things.

And technically it’s not a sticky note on my desk but it’s an 8X11 that I keep posted next to my desk. It’s helped me so much and is like a daily reminder for me so…

Winners never quit and quitters never win. –Jim Dodds

Wild Geese

This poem has been running through my head for weeks.  It's one of my very favorites, so I'm sharing it today.  Enjoy.

Wild Geese - Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

From the Girl That Writes to the Boy That Reads

((This essay is a tribute to this lovely prose. I decided to save it for today.))
Sometimes I wonder if you understand the world I see. I imagine things so quickly and with such ferocity that I don't think you understand that each story for me is a high. It's like being filled with saidar or letting the song of a faraway civilization guide my will into a magical force that can end the world--or spawn them. It's the flow of inspiration that enters the mouths of boys training to be bards--with a stone on their bellies and blindfold-covered eyes. It's the ambrosia of the gods, the blessing light of the Divine and the lure of the power offered by the Dark One present in so many fantasies.

I used to create world after world, read book after book, and play games--old, cheap PC games that my family would let me play, all because I wanted to get away. I wanted to escape a world where the glares always held malice, where the smiles hid knives, and faces held hidden anger that would lash out at you, bruise you, beat you to the ground until you thought you were going to pass out. I hated the world of fluorescent lighting, fireworks that made sounds so dissonant and loud that the pain felt like a gunshot echoing into my brain. I couldn't hide my flabby rolls or my acne, and this was when kids are supposed to be warm in their tree forts, hanging from branches, and playing tag. Worse, I couldn't hide that I didn't understand. I didn't understand why children needed to play out the stories of their parents, or why they had to be so cruel to each other. I couldn't ever feel what my face was saying, and when it became obvious that I was the token retarded child, I ran away. I dove into the other worlds, where I could speak from the lips of queens, destroy my enemies and fears through swords, axes, bows, magic, and condemnations, and roar in the flames of dragons.

Yes, I love being busy with building and exploring these worlds. I love the worlds that you give me, too. I go in and harvest the thoughts, the feelings, the descriptions, the magic, and the souls that I find there. Don't worry, you know that I take good care of all of them and give them right back if I can't give them the home they deserve. I tried to run away from Earth, but she's the one that gives me everything to write with. She gave me my life, and she gave me you. I don't mean to offend you or your ideals of God, but if He did place us here, He did it through the grandiose weft and weave of life around us. Thankfully, both are so giving that they allow me to be with you, even with all of these visions leaking out into the world through me.

I love that you know the worlds that I escaped to better than I do. It's a huge compliment that you want to know the worlds that I'm building better than I do--reading them despite all of the drafts I give you. Thank you for breathing in the breaths I expel from my mind--the wind of other places that will always exist--across the universe and across the dimensions of one zany girl's thoughts.

Writing is my sobering wine and tintillating provender, my bolstering lavender and a scintillating brine. It brings my mind to strong, vivacious clarity, makes my stomach churn for better material to mentally chew over, takes my nose to lands forgotten, and the brine? It's for pickling dark days into a fantastic pickle that my characters can get themselves out of.

Thank you for delving into my work, because I'm not running away anymore. You've given me the fey bridge between the worlds that I needed to stay here, and I can see the world just as I need to, through honest eyes. I can always run if I need to, but I don't think I'll have to--thanks to you.

--Amber B.

((That's to my dear boyfriend. :D ))

Exhausted

So, I don't have much time for a post.

The past few weeks have been long and very stressful and just exhausting.

Also, I'm on my period so I'm not just worn out. I'm also bleeding.

So, today Jo and I went on an adventure during which I used a public restroom. She waited outside the stall for me while I sang my little song on the toilet and then said, "There goes another baby. Goodbye, baby!" I flushed the toilet.

Jo had a good laugh about that as she imagined someone else listening in on my little conversation with my bloody clumps of uterine lining.

It's tough shit giving birth to a bloody baby every single month.

Here's a trivia question: How long would a woman have to live in order to discharge ALL of her eggs via menstruation?

(here's a hint: I have no clue. so, if you know, that'd be awesome!)

~Live Your Own Truth~

p.s. happy new year! oh, and just a happy little thing to note: I got my very first new years kiss this year. I'm sure you can guess who from :)

Things Left Unsaid

I’ve been thinking a lot about my cousin’s death. She committed suicide last July. We were really close growing up but when I moved to Utah I just kind of put her (and the rest of my family and friends) in a box labeled Oregon and forgot about her. I remember the week she died I was thinking about calling her and I never did. I remember that way back when I was in high school I really wanted to talk to her about some boy drama I was having and I never did. And then when I was coming out I wanted to tell someone in my family and almost called her up but then remembered she was gone.

I don’t know why my cousin took her life. I think about her everyday and can’t wait for the chance to see her again and tell her I still love her even if I don’t understand. When my therapist asked me if I had suicidal thoughts last week I told her it didn’t matter either way, I couldn’t do that to my family. I couldn’t leave people behind questioning what went wrong. I don’t blame my cousin. Her life is her decision. But I wish she would have called me and I wish I would have called her.

I wish I wasn’t left here thinking I could have saved her if I only I would have picked up the phone.

I wish there weren’t so many things left unsaid.

Things Left Unsaid- Disciple

If I Die Young- The Band Perry

Leaping Into Clarity

Let me tell you a little story. 


A few weeks ago I quit my job, declaring December 30th (tomorrow) my last day.  I don't have a job lined up (with the exception of a few little odd jobs that will keep me afloat for a bit).  I have been putting off pulling the plug for a while, trying to find another job to jump to so that I could be sure I'd be ok financially, but I couldn't ever find anything.  It finally got to the point where there was no doubt in my mind that it was time.  Time to quit.  So I did!


I have had a plethora of different reactions from people.  A lot (and I mean a lot) of people are super stressed out for my sake, worrying and sweating about whether I'll be able to find a job.  I've received countless lectures from well-meaning friends and coworkers about how important it is to have a steady job to support your family and yourself and save for retirement and on and on.  I've been called ungrateful for not valuing my job or the "security" it offers.  A few of my friends have been really excited, knowing I've needed to make the change for a while.  And me?  The moment I put in my notice I felt peace and excitement (two emotions which are, for me, strangely similar in feeling).  I am so ridiculously at ease about it all.


Two years ago I might have had some of the reactions that my friends had, but I've learned by now that if I follow my heart/soul/spirit/whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it, I always get what I want.  It always works.  Always.  And I am SO much happier when I do.  That doesn't mean I won't have to live in my car.  That doesn't mean I'll suddenly win the lottery and be able to pay off my bills and retire.  But the answers (along with the job, the money, the new acquaintance who has just what you need, the housing situation, the new ideas...) always come around in perfect time. 


So here I go, leaping into another void, just like Indiana Jones! Sometimes you don't find the next step until you've taken the leap.  Sometimes clarity doesn't arrive until you jump.  And if you've ever been bungee jumping you know that feeling you get in your stomach when you jump (that excited/nervous "holy shit I just jumped off a 50 foot tower!" feeling). 

I've always wanted to be Indiana Jones!



So here's to leaping.  To taking the jump before you see the net.  To the grand adventure of following your heart.  Really, REALLY following it, even when it makes no rational sense.  I'm excited to have more time for me.  More time for the mountains.  More time for writing and reading and being. 

Sigh.  I can't handle it.  Life is just so damn good.

I'm late I'm late I'm late

First:

Sorry for being late...again.

Second:
I decided to save the essay for next week, since things are going to be crazy for me (lots of applications and rearranging things back at my apartment.) I've been visiting with my boyfriend's family, and so I've been intermittently in and out of an internet connection. I may have to move back to Dallas in the summer because of a lack of money, but I'm not the only one who's broke in this crazy economy. I do have the reassurance that if I do, my boyfriend may be coming with me for an internship. It's not set, but... (crosses fingers)

Third:
I'm churning out applications as fast as I can, and working hard on my novel at the same time. Since the 16th of December, I've written 25,000 words for my novel. I have 14 manuscripts that are past that length, but I'm determined--whether the path takes me through hellfire or high water to get just one book done before Febuary is through. I'm tired of not having anything done. I don't want to go to graduate school until I've got at least one manuscript under my belt.

Fourth:
I'm fairly sure that I've found myself on a cultural level, when it comes to bisexuality. I promised long ago that I would look into more of lesbian culture, but it seems that I wasn't being true to myself. I do have gender issues and matters of sexual orientation that I'm still looking to explore and iron out, but I'm doing it with my boyfriend in hand. We would both understand if I came to the understanding that I only loved women, and I would understand if he ever told me that he had come to a new understanding of himself in the way of sexual orientation.

It may affect my own views of myself, but away from the ideals of gender, I feel like we lock together so well. Some of our roles are reversed, we're quirky, and we're weird. He loves funk, I love soundtracks. We both love jazz and South Indian curries. Dark chocolate, fantasy novels, short stories, 90s references, leaning on each others' shoulders and having staring contests that last for hours...all I have to say to all of that awesomeness is a resounding:

I've also got a little surprise for the week after next (perhaps not as great as Jo's and Tiffany's, but still cool.)

See ya!

-Amber

And to all of my readers:

PONIES

Christmas Secret

Happy revealing-of-my-secret day everyone!

So, I'm sure you're all wondering just what's going on and what the deal is about my secret. Here it is.

Tif and Jo Aug 2011 Northern California--beach near the Redwoods

Her name is Jo (yes, as in the Thursday blogger on this very blog), and we've been sort-of together for just over 5 months now (January will make 6 months).

She's been my secret for this long because we were worried about BYU things. But, I'm done with all that school stuff (maybe a story for another post), and I want to tell the world that I'M IN LOVE WITH JO MINER. I really really am. She's wonderful. Magnificent. Marvelous. Amazing.

Here's the whole story from the very beginning.

On July 9th I woke up in my hammock in a grove of trees at Smith and Morehouse campground next to a beautiful reservoir surrounded by beautiful mountains.

Okay okay, I won't go into quite that much detail.

Here's the short version.

We met at a women's outdoor group camp-out on July 9th.

After making a complete ass of myself I finally managed to get her number.

The next weekend she came with me to Goblin Valley for a small camp out and game of night capture the flag.

We hung out a few times a week after that little trip.

We'd watch movies, build forts, hike up the canyon, have picnics near waterfalls, play guitars at the park after a rainstorm.

We went on our first real date on August 15th. It was a double date with my little brother and his girlfriend at the time because that's what he wanted to do for his birthday.

We were both completely in love with each other by this time, but neither of us would tell.

At the end of August/beginning of September Jo and I went on a trip that changed our lives. It cracked our souls, broke our hearts, and opened our eyes. Jo blames it on the trees because we went to visit the Redwoods in northern California, and the trees have a lot of soul power. It was a 10 day adventure through a dozen different forests, stopping to play in a couple lakes and rivers and to eat pizza in delightful artsy towns. We saw a lot of different sides of each other on that trip. I think we both loved everything we saw--even the ornery, worn-out, and the i-haven't-showered-in-ten-days sides.

I nearly drove myself crazy on this trip because the whole time I just wanted to hold her hand. And then a few times I just wanted to kiss her real soft so she could feel all this love emerging from my heart. I didn't, of course. Because I had BYU to stay in compliance with. And it really tore me apart.

On the last day of the trip I couldn't take it any longer. We were driving back towards Utah...probably somewhere in the middle of Nevada when I decided to hold her hand. Just thinking about it now gives me butterflies.

When we got back into Salt Lake she treated me to dinner. The greatest thing is that even in public she wasn't afraid to be seen with me. She even put her arm around me. And I looked something like this:

My hair stuck up like that because it was THAT greasy. Did I already mention that she wasn't embarrassed to be with me in public?? :)

Anyway, after our trip we both had a hard time with being away from each other (because we spent 24 hours a day with each other for almost 10 days). Like I said before, our Redwood adventure changed our lives... Basically there was no more denying that we loved each other.

Because of BYU things we decided to set up some boundaries so I wouldn't get in trouble. I decided that hand holding was okay--I felt like I could hold her hand and still be in accordance with the spirit of the honor code, but I decided that kissing was off limits.

That lasted a month. And at the beginning of October I broke my own rule. I kissed her. But, she didn't kiss me back. I felt rejected. She felt confused. The next day I tried kissing her again. She kissed me back. We've been kissing ever since. Not continuously--that would get exhausting and my lips would probably fall off...

What I'm trying to say is, I'm in love with the most beautiful person ever. And the best part is she loves me back! There's no one else I'd rather spend all my time with. And nobody else who knows just how to play the way I do. We go for walks, swing on the swings at the park, crunch through leaves, hike in the snow, camp in the livingroom, dance in the kitchen, make tree pizzas and peanut-butter playdough figurines.

Okay, (I'm writing this on Friday because I won't have a chance to get online Sunday) so here's the real secret: Jo and I are doing Christmas things with some good friends, and she's staying at their house on Saturday night to be there in the morning on Sunday. She thinks I'm coming up on Sunday morning, but I'm actually going to get there Saturday night. :) teeheehee

If you want to read her posts and see just how wonderful she is then click this or just go to the tabby thing at the top that says Jo.

Christian hating Christmas

Okay so this is possibly the most blasphemous I’ve ever been. Besides that one time I laughed at my mother saying that I ate Jesus. She doesn’t really get the symbolism in the sacrament. Anyways…

Christmas. I hate it. I’ve tried to like it. Claimed I’ve just been in a bad mood but no, I hate it.

It’s not because I think it’s a commercialistic something or other put on by Toys R’ Us.

It’s not because I don’t believe in Christ. I do. And I’m very thankful that He gave His life for me. But His birthday is a bitter reminder of everything I’ve lost.

Here’s some background on me. I have a flippin crazy family. You think your family is bad, I got money that says the Potter’s can take them. And we all pretty much had a love hate relationship. We all loved each other and had one another’s backs but it wasn’t surprising for someone to take a swing at someone and it was guaranteed that someone would pass out drunk.

See in my family there was my great-grandma Sarah who had her five children who all had children and then they went and had children so there was a few of us. And the only time I remember us all sucking it up and getting along was for holidays. Christmas, Halloween, Jamboree. We would try to get along and I think it was just for my Grandma Sarah’s sake.

Now I was raised by a few people. My grandma Sandra and grandpa Paul mostly in my childhood and my grandma Sarah through my teen years and my mom would jump in every once in a while.

So what were you supposed to gather from that.

I once had a big family that had holiday traditions

I was raised by four main people mentioned above.

When I was a junior my life kinda fell apart. Okay it split down the freaking middle and most of the time I feel like I’m still trying to find my ground. And a lot of people don’t know how messed up everything that happened in my family made me… But here it is.

My grandma Sandra was murdered. Or she committed suicide. Thing is no one really knows what happened. Point is she’s dead and my grandpa is in prison for it. There goes two people that I loved.

My brother (up until last May) hadn’t been sober since her death and my mother relapsed also. Down for two more. At this point I was living with my grandma Sarah who I loved very much. My time with her was the most normal and happy I can remember. We fought. Bickered. I was a bitchy teenager and she was a grumpy confused elder. But we would also watch the news together. Go to Mario’s and share a sandwich. Split a coke. Milkshakes at the lake. Drives to Winco. She was my life during my teen years because not only was she taking care of me, I was taking care of her. She has Alzheimer’s. She lives in a home about an hour away from where I grew up. She had a stroke the first week of my senior year and I had to go live with my mom. After that didn’t work out I went and stayed with a friend for my senior year.

Point: I thought I lost everyone I loved in a sixth month period.

And I’m freaking bitter about it. I don’t like holidays because they remind me I’m alone.

But the thing is I know I’m not. It’s just easier to pretend I don’t have family back home because really what do I have? A woman who can’t remember my name? A mother who has chosen all of her boyfriends over me (sorry mom but it’s true)?

I got aunts and uncles and cousins who all have their families. Friends in the same situation. It doesn’t matter where I go cause I will constantly feel like I’m imposing because it’s not my grandma’s house, the night before Christmas, with all of us there pretending to be elves and Santa, passing presents and eating snacks that we would have for every family gathering. None of it will ever be my family because my family will never be whole again…

Okay I’ve ranted because well this time of year makes me really depressed.

But there is hope. This year I plan on visiting the elderly on Christmas day. When my roommate gets home we’ll make a Christmas dinner together like we did last year. I’ll start my own traditions while incorporating some of what my family left me.

Song Of The Week!!!

Glee- Do They Know It's Christmas

Well I don't like Christmas, but this is still a good song. And the episode really showed a true meaning of Christmas, selfless-ness.
Love you Guys!! Merry Christmas

My Winter Pick-Me-Up

Last week I mentioned how I needed a pick-me-up, something to brighten the nothing-but-gray that surrounded me and seemed to be creeping inside my heart.  I needed to find something to remind me of the beauty and the color that is out there, of the vibrant life that is inside me.  There is so much life and beauty to be had, but I was forgetting about it.  I needed a reminder.  So, off to the thrift shop I went, and look what I found:

A new hat!

It is definitely serving it's purpose.  While wearing this hat, I can't be blue (or gray, as the case may be).  I put it on and automatically am brought back to myself; to my creative, life-loving, joy-filled, dance-wildly-in-the-kitchen, full-of-love self.  There is a small tag on the inside of the hat with the name "Lois" written carefully on it.  The " I " is dotted with a heart, which is extremely fitting.  I like to imagine how Lois would have worn that hat, how she would have put it on before going about town.  I imagine her as an older lady, thin body, silvery hair, smiling face full of wrinkles and love.  Can you imagine this hat on such a head??  Would she have worn a cardigan to match?  Perhaps shoes instead?  A sash?  A handbag?  Only Lois knows, but imagining her joy while wearing her hat definitely augments mine when I have it on.

The moment I get home from work, the hat goes on.  I wear it around the house.  I wear it in the car.  I wear it while talking to my mother on the phone.  I wear it in the bath.  I wear it everywhere.  How could I not??  The bright pink contrasted with a beautiful yellow daisy is making this bleak winter much more bearable.  The holidays are not my "most wonderful time of the year," nor is the cold, cold winter with it's gray skies and gray snow and gray streets.  And then there are so many expectations from family, so many memories of traditions and beliefs and relationships that are no longer.  This year is easier than last, but still tricky to be sure.  But with my pretty pink hat, I can do anything.

I need to insert a caveat here: seasons are useful.  I love seasons, each with it's own purpose and perfect timing (referring both to earthly seasons and our own inner ones).  I don't think running from the changes we experience is the best idea since the ups and downs and warms and colds of our lives are what shape us and facilitate our own growth and expansion, but there's nothing wrong with having reminders of the bright times, eh?  Just because it's winter doesn't mean I'm dead.

I'm off to my family's house for a holiday celebration.  And yes, I'm wearing my hat, my bright new reminder that there beauty.  Everywhere.  Even when it's cold.