I do this because at the time it is really something that I mean.
Because keeping the promise would be part of who I am.
And it would be easy, and worth it.
But, I'm realizing something about myself.
I change.
All the time, I change.
I change my clothes when I get home from work.
I change into my work-out clothes before a run.
I change into my birthday suit to shower (and do other various adventurous things).
I change my hair style about 5 times a year.
I change my shampoo when I realize the one I have doesn' t make my hair soft.
I change my tampons and feel glad I'm not wearing a diaper, yet angry that my body must endure menstruation.
I change my shoes according to the events I attend.
Chacos for hiking and wading and everything else summer.
Nikes for running.
White's/Hawthorns for work.
I change bikes according to terrain.
Road for the roads.
Mountain for the mountains.
I change my socks.
I change my underwear.
I change the sheets on my bed.
And yet somehow with all these changes,
I'm still me.
My socks are still my socks, and my hair is still my hair.
But how is it that I can change my mind,
my thoughts,
my views,
my religion,
and still end up
me?
I say, do, and write a lot of things. I have opinions and I express them.
Then my opinions change
and I express them.
I become a hypocrite from an outsider's point of view.
But to me, I'm still me.
Learning.
Growing.
Changing.
And wishing sometimes that I had all the answers
but loving every moment when
I don't know a damn thing.
I know it may seem awful dishonest and terrible of me, but I must tell you now that if I've ever promised you anything, the truth is that it may not be kept.
For one thing, I don't always remember the promises I make.
And for another, I'm never the same person I once was.
I can't make promises.
I don't know if I can keep them.
I might change my mind tomorrow.
~Live your own truth~
I just have to give a big HELL YEAH to this post. I think there is an unsaid expectation in our society and culture that we remain constant with regard to values, politics, religion, college majors, relationships, commitments and on and on. Those who change these things are often seen as flighty, non-committal and unreliable. But the truth of the matter is that when you are committed to your own personal growth and expansion, this involves being open to new ideas, which bring new thoughts, which bring changes in living and believing. It's a constant process really. Constant change. As a result, promises will indeed be broken and expectations lost.
ReplyDeleteSomething that I've learned as I've tried to live this way is that you have to allow yourself to be misunderstood sometimes, even though it's frustrating. By making a commitment to yourself, your journey, and your search for truth, you are making the most important commitment EVER. I'm not saying that this is simple or that I'm perfect at it. But there is something to be said for those who are really willing to leave their minds open to new thoughts and ways of being. It means allowing yourself to look like a fool for changing your mind in a “constant” world. It means allowing yourself to become vulnerable. It means allowing yourself to feel like an ass for breaking promises and commitments that no longer suit your current way of knowing. Funny that those who make one of the most important commitments ever are those that are called "flighty." :)
PS great post Tiff. You certainly have a way.
Thanks Jo!
ReplyDeleteYou don't think it's too flighty of me to change my underwear everyday, do you?