My Conversion to Mormonism

The Mormon missionaries came to my door this week.

Asked if they could share a message of love with me.

They were about the same age as my little brother. Both wearing black suits with dark ties and white shirts.

Very clean looking.

Except for the guy with the giant furry catapillar accross his forhead...worse than Frida Kahlo...

I said sure.

They came in (Addie was at work).

We all sat down and they asked if I'd ever spoken with missionaries before.

I said only Methodist ones (is that right? maybe they were something else)...and Jehovah's witnesses.

They assured me that the Mormons are differnent and they continued to explain that I (me--Miryah Bird) am a child of God.

And a few hours later they had me committed to a baptism for next week. You're all invited to come watch me get dunked under the water while I wear a holy white jumpsuit.

Missionary #1: "Isn't that a lovely notion?"

Missionary #2 (Unibrow guy): [picks at fingernails]

Me: "Well, maybe, but what does it mean?"

Missionary #1: "It means that you have a father in heaven who loves you."

Missionary #2: [looks out window]

Me: "okay...So, that's cool..."

Missionary #1: "Yeah. And one day, you could live with him again and enjoy the full glory of heaven"

Missionary #2: [picks at fingernails]

Me: "That sounds cool too...what's that mean, though?"

Missionary #1: "It means that you can feel the ultimate amount of joy and happiness. And all because of the Savior's atoning sacrifice"

Me:"Yeah, I've heard about that Jesus guy... he loved everybody, right?"

Missionary #1: "Not only does he love everyone, he atoned for the sins of every individual past present and future so that one day they can live with heavenly father again."

Missionary #2:  [scratches his crotch]

Me: [completely disgusted by M#2] You mean like EVERYone?

Missionary #1: Every. one.

Me: "So like even homeless guys and murderers and self righteous bitches?

Missionary #1: [looking slightly frightened and confused with a glance toward the door] "uh...yep. Even those."

Missionary #2: [smiles]

Me: "So, even gays?"

Missionary #1: [more confidently now] "Even the gays."

Me: "hmmm. That's nice."

Awkward pause.

Missionary #1: "I actually have a lot of gay friends in the Church..."

Missionary #2: [tries not to laugh. suceeds...barely]

Me: "Oh, cool. Are you gay?"

Missionary #2: [laughs. does not try to suppress this time]

Missionary #1: "I'm not gay." [jabs #2 in the ribs with elbow]

Me: "But god and Jesus love the gays and they're allowed in your church?"

Missionary #2: [rubs at his ribs]

Missionary #1: "Yeah, absolutely."

Me: "Okay. Where do I sign up? You know, my girlfriend was in your church once and she was so devestated when they kicked her out for living with me...She's gonna be so happy to find out that we can both be in her old church again--and that God and Jesus have changed their minds about loving us gays. Do you guys want to stay and wait til my girlfirend gets home? We could have a couple beers and play Monopoly or something."

Missionary #2: [nods his head, eyes wide, obviously very excited about the beer (or maybe the monopoly?)]

Missionary #1: "We better get going...We've got an appointment with...[jabs M#2 again] [whispers] who was it again?

Missionary #2: "We don't have any appointments until tomorrow...let's stay."

Missionary #1: "No, I'm pretty sure it was today. We have to go."

Me: "Okay, well, maybe beer and games another time. Come back when my girlfriend is home and we'll sign up for your church thing."

They haven't come back yet. So, maybe I won't really be dunked under the holy water and become a child of god?

Happy April First, Fools!

RyBread Wisdom: If you want to get rid of Mormon missionaries, tell them you're gay. If that doesn't work, offer them beer (and monopoly).

Daughter of a Lesbian

Guest Post by MomIsLesbian

I’m a 30+ year old woman and my Mom is lesbian. It’s no big deal. What IS a big deal is the bravery my Mom showed in leaving my Father once she realized she loved a woman more than him. That takes some guts! Especially during a time when no one talked about homosexuality and very few even understood what it was. She knew she wasn’t “normal” and she couldn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t. Hats off to Mom!

Unfortunately, we lived in the mid-west. When I was very young, no one spoke of homosexuality. As I got older the whole AIDS epidemic started opening up all sorts of unwanted discussion around homosexuality. In the mid-west it wasn’t safe to be “out”. So, I was asked to keep my Moms relationship with her partner (whom we lived with) a secret. Most of their families didn’t even know the truth. So, even at family gatherings, lips were sealed.
As I grew up, I watched, listened, and learned. I learned that even though society doesn’t view “difference” as something to accept and welcome, I certainly wanted to. I learned that when you’re different people aren’t very nice…therefore I certainly would be. I learned that when someone is condemned by society all they need is someone to accept them for who they are. I was certainly going to do that. In other words, what I learned was that society isn’t always right and I wanted to be the person my heart told me to be…which (oddly enough) went against what “society” wanted.

This is not to say that I rebelled and got involved in politics. No, I kept to myself for the most part. However, I had some awesome friends who were “different”. I put myself in cliques and positions that had a variety of different types of people. As I went into my professional life, I chose to do work that would make people think and look at who they are/how they treat others.
As an adult I live my life. I don’t keep my Mom’s secret anymore, but I don’t wear it like a badge of honor either. I support equality and I donate money to the HRC. I vote for people who are “different” if their platforms make sense to me.

On the topic of Gay Marriage
Today, my biggest concern is the legalities of my Mom’s relationship. As my 2 Moms age, I need to be able to make decisions for them. I have no legal rights to do anything for my “Step-Mom”. My Moms have no automatic legal rights to make decisions for each other. They have to carry around Power of Attorney papers and make sure they are accessible if needed. My Moms Love each other and will spend the rest of their lives together as though they were married. However, the law doesn’t recognize that and will not allow them to take care of each other the way my Husband and I will. This is a problem that needs to be fixed. I want my Moms to have the same legal and social rights that my Husband and I have.

On the topic of Sex
I watch the gay community from inside and out. I have always been able to see both perspectives. One thing that has always bothered me is that the gay community makes homosexuality about sex. The more “in your face” sex you throw at the people, the more they will rebel against that. It’s not about sex anyway. Yes, it’s about choosing who your sexual partner is, but more than that…it’s about love. It’s about loving someone deeply, having that connection and being able to show that by holding hands, kissing in the park and being there for each other as you want to be. To me, it just seems like many homosexuals are trying to push the envelope more than it needs to be pushed. Show love, not sex and I’ll bet society would be more accepting as a whole.

I Wish…

… For Them

I wish I was good enough for you. I wish I would have kissed you before you left. I wish that you didn’t feel the need to write me a generic letter three months later. I wish you would have just been honest and harsh and shooed me off.

I wish you could have loved me like you love her. I wish you knew my eye color.

I wish I wasn’t as honest with you. I don’t wish for things to stay the same, I like the way they’ve changed, but I wish I didn’t want more.

I wish you would have remembered my birthday. I wish I was more to you than just an outlet. I wish you needed me when I was around, not only when I was out of reach.

I wish you could have seen how much I loved you. I wish you weren’t so blinded.

I wish I could be honest with you. I wish rules and fear didn’t dominate my emotions.

… For Me

I wish I was good enough.

I wish I was proud of myself.

I wish I wasn’t so restless.

I wish I knew when to hold my tongue.

I wish I knew how to flirt and be cute.

I wish I had the courage to wear my “gay” tee-shirt.

I wish I had the courage to follow my heart, my dreams.

I just wish I knew how to be comfortable with me.

If the Shoe Fits

Since Monday, when I read the post on MJ's personal blog (which you can read here), I've been thinking about the shoes in my life and it seems only fitting to explore the ideas that have been wandering through my head.  MJ talked about the concept of walking in someone else's shoes to gain understanding and how that's not really possible.  My brain went a different direction.

I got thinking about how shoes come and go.  When old shoes wear out, I get new ones.  New shoes generally need some breaking in, taking a bit of time before they feel really great and don't rub me wrong.  And once they get to that point, I LOVE them.  I love shoes that fit just right.  Generally my shoes last a long time (even though I'm really hard on them, with all the hiking and running and climbing trees that I do), but eventually they wear out, becoming either uncomfortable or non functional, and the cycle begins again.  I have some shoes (like my chacos) that have been around forever.  Other shoes, like work shoes, don't last so long.  Sometimes I get a pair of shoes that I try really hard to like because they are cool or something...but no matter how hard I try, they never reach that "comfortable" place.

Now maybe there are some holes in this metaphor (give me a break....it's midnight), and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, but it seems to me that the shoes in my closet are a lot like the different things I've tried out in my life.  Hear me out...

I once tried to be a teacher.  I taught English, history, art and music to a bunch of 9th graders.  I truly loved it in a lot of ways and could have continued doing it, but something about it didn't fit for me.  Those "shoes" didn't quite fit, even though they looked damn good.

Another time I tried on the "engaged" shoes.  There was nothing nice about those shoes.  It was like I was wearing these awful heels (and any of you that know me well know I would never do this) that would look really great on a lot of people, but not me.  I kept twisting my ankle and getting the heel stuck in every porous surface around.  In the end, I got rid of those shoes seconds before I almost tripped over them and fell into an oncoming bus, narrowly escaping a nasty, nasty end.

I used to have a pair of shoes that lasted for a really, really long time, carrying me many places.  These were my "religion" shoes.  They were really comfortable for a really long time.  But then I started to outgrow them and they felt more cramped and suffocating than anything else.  It was time for a new pair.

For a long while I wore the "musician" shoes.  Those shoes were awesome, and they, too, fit really well for a while.  I could run faster and jump higher in those shoes, and everyone loved them.  But again, they soon became uncomfortable.  I still have them and can put them on if I get a hankering, but I don't wear them very often.  Mostly they live in the closet with my instruments.

Sometimes things just fit.  Sometimes something feels so right that you can't help but be excited about it.  Sometimes I get new shoes that I love and I want to wear them all the time.  Other times, I hate them.  But just like shoes change, so do my life circumstances.  If I tried to wear the same pair of shoes my entire life just because they were comfortable, refusing to change when I outgrew them, I would be left with nothing more than smelly feet and ingrown toenails.

So this is my reminder to myself this week:  Things change, and that's okay.  It's more than okay.  It's awesome!  If a shoe doesn't fit, I don't have to wear it.  On the flip side, just because something feels right and fits really well at one point in my life doesn't mean it's always going to stay that way.  And refusing to change your shoes...stinks (bahahaha!).

Love and growth and change (and new shoes) to all of you,

Jo

Fernweh... wait what?

So today I am going to be talking all about Fernweh. Yes that is spelled right; fernweh. Fernweh is defined as, "A crave for travel; being homesick for a place you've never been." I have fernweh all the time and it is getting more and more relentless. So you may ask yourself where do I crave to go? Where is it that I feel homesick for even though I have never stepped foot there? Well the answer is Japan.
I love japanese culture and always have ever since my parents got me the movie spirited away back in 2001. Here was 11 year old me being transported into a world of pure imagination all surrounded by a culture that I had never known or seen before. The beautiful characters, the amazing food, the unique clothing, the rich history. I loved it all and yep, still do.

It is something that I literally day dream about all the time and it drives me up the wall. I want to go and see the incredible sights, explore the nightlife and immerse myself in the language and people. As Belle said so eloquently in Beauty and the Beast, "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell, and for once it might be grand to have someone understand..."

Does anyone out there understand? Are you so drawn to a culture that you think about it relentlessly? I need to travel. I need to feel lost and out of place but enjoy the idea of being surrounded by something entirely new and magnificent.
I am of course a major disney fan and Disneyland is one of the best places on the planet. It should come as no surprise than that with my love of cultures and the foreign, that one of my all time favorite rides is It's a Small World. I love the colors the music the culture even though they might be a simplified and stylized version of what is real; it still captivates me.

Last summer I got to visit little tokyo in LA for the first time and I was lost in bliss. The smells, tastes, and things there were just a fraction of what could be one day... I long for that day.

I have taken Japanese classes and am currently in a japanese calligraphy class but alas it is never enough. I need to go. I need to travel. I even eat my cereal with chopsticks people.

Surprisingly enough though, while I crave and love Japan, I have a love for most orient cultures and greatly desire to also see Vietnam, Thailand, and China. Who knows if it will happen but it is certainly a major goal of mine. I have fernweh. The longing, crave for travel; being homesick for a place you've never been. Fernweh

To a T

That’s a thing, right? Like people use it in talking? Anyway, this is my first post, very exciting. Which means I should introduce myself.

First of all, Bailey is not my given name, but it is the one I am choosing to go by. Always makes me think of that kids’ book Bailey Goes Camping—not as good as Amelia Bedelia or Dr. Seuss, but still—although recently it’s been connected in my mind to The Night Circus. Can you tell that books are important to me? That’s a box.

Other boxes: I’m nineteen, right-handed, Mormon; I don’t like cheese, once ate a chocolate-covered cricket and thought it was pretty good aside from the chocolate, don’t do meat but not on principle; my eyesight is poor, my coordination lacking, my hearing selective; I’ve never kissed a chipmunk, been skydiving, walked on hot coals (or water for that matter). There—do you know me now? Probably not. The point is, I can sit here all day and write out a list of the things that I am and am not, the things I like and dislike, the things I do and don’t do, but boxes are just going to create preconceptions, not really show you who I am.

I can’t make you know me, but I am going to try my best to honestly share some of my thoughts and experiences each week, and maybe that will amount to something in the end. I don’t really know what else to say in this awkward first post by way of introduction, so I’m going to leave it at that.

P.S. This is a passage I came across the other day, courtesy of a transgender kid, and I liked it so here it is: “It’s like when I was a girl they wanted me to be a certain kind of girl and I was like, ‘Uh, no.’ And then I became a guy. And then the same people were like, ‘Okay, if you’re going to be a guy you have to be like this and this.’ And I was like, ‘No, actually I don’t.’”

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

In Lewis Carroll’s timeless classic, Alice in Wonderland, the Cheshire Cat provides some of the most impressive advice (I believe) in literary history.  The passage reads:

"`Cheshire Puss,' [Alice] began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on.

`Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'

`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

`I don't much care where--' said Alice.

`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

`--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.

`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.

`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'

`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.

`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'”

As I have read, and re-read (and re-read) this passage, I have come to the conclusion that I am much more like Alice than I thought and much more like her than I ever wanted to be.

When I was younger I had my entire life planned out for me – mostly by my mother.  That being said, I was convinced that what my parents wanted for me was equally what I wanted for me, too.  It really wasn’t too much of a push on their part, I’m sure. I’m a people pleaser and at the top of my list is my family.

But, anyway, as I have fallen away from the nitty-gritty, day-to-day expectations that have been a part of my life for so many years, AND as I have grown to embrace my individuality in all of its many forms, I realized that I have been wandering for the last several years.  Wandering in one random direction or another, just hoping to be able to find ____________ (someone to love me, someone for me to love, someone to accept me, a job I WANT to work, peace, happiness, joy, etc.).  Wandering in any given direction to merely find myself among the “mad,” never really happy with where I’m at.

I’ve known for some time that I wasn’t going to be able to follow in the direction and expectations my family has pushed on me but, even with that realization, it is still hard to accept my individual responsibility to choose my own path and live my own life. So, today, I am going to lay down my own desires as the framework for my new life direction.

-          I want to be loved and to love.  I have so much love to share and I want to love someone with all of my heart.  I want to be able to share my life with someone who also wants to share his with me.  I’ve had this once and it was wonderful when it was good and terrible when it was bad.  I want to find that one special someone who wants me too.  Sometimes the loneliness is crippling and I don’t know what I’m going to do.  All I can do now, though, is be patient and make myself the best, most desirable me I can be.

-          I want a family.  A real one. Not a second-class one that has to be called something else. I want to be with one person through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Through sickness and health. I want to be with someone forever. I want to be a dad with kids who love me and know that I love them.

-          I want a house, a garden, and someday I want a small ranch with cattle and horses, too.

-          I want to live authentically without fear of retribution at work and at home.

-          Ultimately, I want to be me. The man I’ve buried yet fantasized about becoming since I was 12 years old.  I’m sick and tired of running. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of being half a person. 

 

My time is coming, and my path is set. Some days I walk quickly, others more slowly, but I have followed the Cat’s direction and I know where I want to go. I know how I need to get there, and I’m one my way.

I hope you have a wonderful week and I love all of you!

Cheers,

MJ

PS – This isn’t the original post I wanted to share with you.  I decided to post that on my personal blog ( http://mcwilleyfactor.com ) because I felt like I needed to share the above post here, for whatever reason.  If you feel like reading up on my passion for shoes and my dissection of an old expression, check out it out. Love ya!

Curly Fries

I work at Arby's. I do not eat at Arby's. But the other day I had the craziest craving for curly fries and red ranch. What's one time going to hurt?

I'm sure most people would be surprised just how much fast food--even a small curly fry--damages their bodies.

When I stopped eating fast food (mostly because of that Supersize Me documentary) I started paying more attention to my body. I learned what it liked (spinach, apples, nuts, zuchini, etc.,etc.) and what it didn't like (meat, curly fries, processed "food"). Certain things really make me feel like shit--hamburger for example. I had to stop being polite to people feeding me dinners of taco soup, shepards pie, or spaghetti because politeness just isn't worth the heavy, grumbly pains in my gut. I much prefer to be the stobby vegan bitch who either doesn't show up to dinner or who makes it terribly difficult for others to prepare food for me.

My body is my priority.

But what about those times when I get a mad craving for something? For curly fries?? Well, I give in. Then like the other day I realize that I'm an idiot. I wanted the crunch on the outside and the soft, hot inside combined with that seasoned outer layer and an added smooth tang. It tasted good. I will admit that much. My mouth enjoyed the curly crunch and the tangy red ranch. But, my tummy wasn't happy. Maybe next time I'll remember it isn't worth it.

RyBread Wisdom: When you decide you're not going to do something (like eat meat--or curly fries), trust that decision over your cravings. Don't eat at Arby's.

Enough IS Enough

Enough IS Enough

by Guest Blogger Tiffany

My heart is sad today. A few days ago, a man named Chris Beers took his own life. He was gay. He was my age, and grew up in a Utah town similar to the one I grew up in. He was a friend and mission companion to someone I went to high school with, who is also gay. His story has been circulating Facebook and blogs. You can read one version of the story here: Gay Mormon Man From Utah Commits Suicide.

In April’s issue of the New Era, an LDS publication written for the “youth” of the church, there is an article discussing homosexuality. It’s not particularly nice, or loving, or kind. As I read it, cringing at the harsh tone, I wondered how many young people in the church will read this article and hate themselves just a little bit more, and be pushed just a little closer to their own suicidal edge.

In all fairness it’s not just Mormons “fighting the good fight” against those sinful homosexuals. No, Christian denominations put aside their doctrinal differences and unite in this unworthy cause. Recently a Mormon blogger who calls herself “A Well-Behaved Mormon Woman” (Ha! I guess I’m a badly behaved Mormon woman), featured a post defending Kirk Cameron’s public stand against gay marriage. If you’re interested in what he says, you can find the blog and interview here: Kirk Cameron Out of Step on Gay Marriage - Says Who? .

I see arguments like this one all the time on Facebook and blog comments against gay marriage. And I’m noticing a trend. There are some nasty words being thrown around by good Christian folk. Words like enemy, threat, unnatural, abomination, blah blah blah.

One particularly popular argument is that gay marriage is somehow a threat to the the family and to traditional marriage. Really? How exactly? I’ve been married for almost 12 years. I cannot think of a single moment when homosexuality has threatened my marriage. Wait, there was that one time...nope, nothing. Not once. Other things could threaten my marriage and my little family, things like selfishness, financial stress, infidelity, or my own bad choices. If my friend were to marry his monogamous partner of almost a decade, would that somehow invalidate my marriage? Nope, I don’t see how it would. So I guess I can stop being scared of losing my marriage to the gays. Phew, that’s a relief.

There is something that scares me to my very core, and that is the frightening trend I see among many otherwise kind people that justifies meanness and exclusiveness. It’s the thoughtless words and actions against the LGBT community, in the name of morality. It’s the off-handed, uneducated comments someone might make at church without realizing that the person sitting next to them is gay. It’s words from someone in an authoritative position that can make a gay youth, or gay adult feel like they’re not good enough, that they’re somehow unnatural or an abomination. That scares the crap out of me, because no one should be made to feel that way. No one. Ever. That is wrong.

There have been several posts on this blog about suicide, and not feeling like “enough.” I am growing very attached to all of you amazing people and I do not want to see any of you hurt by hateful words or attitudes expressed by ANYONE. I don’t care who they are or what position they hold in a church. No one has the right to make you feel like you’re unworthy of your own life. You have every right to live your truth, to pursue your dreams, and to like yourself, damn it. Please, please, please...don’t listen to the haters. Be okay with who you are and know that you are absolutely fine, just as you are. In the words of Stuart Smalley (an old SNL skit that most of you are far too young to remember, “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.” Most of all, YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Stuart Smalley - Daily Affirmations

And at the risk of including far too many links on this post, I love this song. It reaffirms my faith that being ourselves, being different, is very much okay.

Linda Eder - What's Never Been Done Before

Dear Home,

Dear Home.

I miss you.

I miss the way we would watch the news, you in your blue chair and me in the leather one. I miss your red shag and kitchen words carpet. I miss naps on the couch. I miss the kid’s tables and the grown up table. I miss sitting at the bar, playing rummy, listening to Dixie chicks. I miss sharing a coke. I miss wood smoke. I miss how hot it would get with the heater and the stove going. I miss having my window open, listening to the people walk by outside, unaware. I miss the bridge I would cross to see them. I miss the field we played games in and slept under the stars during the summer.

I miss you.

I miss trips to Mario’s. I miss going to get a shake then going to the lake. I miss sitting on the porch swing with you. I miss going to Winco and buying more than you wanted. I miss bike rides to the park. I miss walking over to your son’s house. I miss drives to Clatskanie and Seaside, the radio blaring and Sugarland when we lost reception.

I miss it even when I shouldn’t.

I miss the fights. I miss you losing everything and blaming it on someone else. I miss the drinking and the drugs. I miss the yelling. I miss the adventure. I miss the pain, the tears, the emotion. I miss being hit and hitting you back.

I miss being real.

I miss being home. I miss my family telling it like it was. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere, knowing my place.

I miss “home”. I miss the time when things didn’t pretend to be perfect. You faced your shit and got over it. You told it like it was. You fought, you screamed, you threw a punch. You drank, you smoked. You blasted the music to drown out the pain. YOU DIDN’T PRETEND TO BE PERFECT! And I miss you so much.

Everlast- What It's Like

Spring

I love spring

Colors crack through the brown and gray
chasing away the monotony of winter

After months of waiting beneath the soil
the bulbs break through
reaching skyward,
upward.
Now, they are ready.
All of the beauty they have been gathering
All of the treasures found in their quiet solitude
are ready to burst forth
exploding into blossoms of color
Red
Pink
Yellow
Orange
Violet
Green
Everywhere.
Colors everywhere.

I love spring.

The air is filled with the sounds of growth,
birds building new nests
trees rustling in the breeze
Bugs buzzing
Sparrows singing.

I love spring!

The smell of growth is in the air.
The world awakens
it's excitement felt in the way the children play
in the way the workers shed their coats
the way I walk with a bounce

Perhaps I am the bulb,
the sparrow,
the tree.
Maybe it is my turn to blossom,
to burst forth with color,
vibrant
bright.
Maybe, after months of gathering beauty,
of finding treasures in my quiet solitude,
it's my turn.
Maybe

Maybe this will be my spring.

IT IS WEDNESDAY!!!! Yippee?

Hi everyone! SO I had the most amazing experience yesterday! I was walking along when I was suddenly grabbed on the shoulder. I turn around and there is the most adorable girl simply smiling at me. She then proceeded to ask if my name was Nathan and if I wrote on this blog. I said yes and she was SO happy to meet a writer on this blog and kept talking about how much it meant to her and to keep up the good work. So Mary (hope I spelled that right) you are incredible and I dedicate this post to you!

So I have a personal blog and I was recently asked the following question on my blog.

"“I’m a Mormon also, and although I’m straight, I’ve put a lot of thought into the church’s policy on homosexuality. What I’ve decided is that asking someone to give up the chance to love is even more than asking them to give up their life. It’s not quick, and it’s infinitely harder. The way I see it is that the celibacy policy asks homosexuals to put the love of God before the love of man in a more extreme form than straight members are. I do not judge those who choose to act upon their homosexual feelings because I know that if I felt for a girl the way I do about my boyfriend, I would have a very hard time not being with her. I’ve come to believe that those who are homosexual are some of the strongest people on earth, because they’re seated with one of the hardest trials (and even without the moral dilemma, being gay in this world comes with its hardships). I commend you for keeping God in your life in any way possible. I always admire that. You are strong.”

SO In response to this question I am just going to lay it out. I am a faithful member of the LDS Church and I love it. What is more important to me, however, is my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior. I have an incredibly strong testimony and no matter what happens with the church and my membership, my testimony can never be taken away from me. I have made up my mind that I will live the gospel principles and doctrines my entire life.

This being said, I want to get married. I want the family, the house, the pet dogs (I want to have 3 golden retrievers or labs, and yes I have names picked out) and I don’t see anything wrong with wanting these things. Everyone wants basic things in their life and I am no different.

I will remain a member of the church and follow it’s principles as long as I can. But when I eventually get proposed to, I will get married. I hope that at that point I can still remain a part of this incredible church but if I can’t be than I will accept it. I have heard of LGBT couples who have followed all the rules and done things by the book and who are allowed to still attend church and hold callings. They might not be able to do everything that they wish but if I could still raise a family in the church and have a calling and be worthy I would be incredibly happy.

That is a far ways away so I don’t worry about it too much. Right now I am focused on my family, my education, my career, and my friends.

Ten Things Tuesday: To All Our Readers

Hi everyone!

This is Tif just popping in to say

1. We've got a vacancy on the blog (for Tuesday).

2. I'm looking for someone with the transgender perspective if possible.

3. If you'd like to write for the blog (as our Tuesday regular OR as a Saturday guest) then send me an email at tiffanydemings@gmail.com showing your interest, a short bio (and if you're really ambitious, a blog post written just for LGBT Voices Breaking the Silence)

4. We're trying to exand our audience as well as our voices to touch a wide variety of perspectives (including reaching outside of the Mormon views, which we've had a lot of on this blog). If you have any suggestions for the blog, then feel free to send me an email (tiffanydemings@gmail.com) or, even better--leave a comment!

5. To those of you who comment, please KEEP COMMENTING!

6. Every one of our bloggers here LOVES to have comments on their post

7. Don't worry if you're long-winded (some of us are, too)--give us feedback. Positive or negative--we'll take whatever we can get (although we really LOVE the positive :)

8. To those of you who read, but don't comment I'd like to encourage you to comment. Even if you feel like you have nothing to say just drop the bloggers a one liner telling them you're here and you're reading--because you make all the difference here.

9. Thank you all for reading, and for showing your support. If you have any stories you'd like to share, then please do so :)

10. Love to you all!

An Open Letter to All Readers and Contributors – Past, Present, and Future

Dear Friends, Foes, and Everyone In Between –

My name is Michael.  You can call me Mike or MJ.  I am a closeted, semi-active Mormon, gay man with some bisexual tendencies.  I figure I’m probably a four or a five on the Kinsey Scale but I convinced myself I was no more than a two or a three for years.  I love to cook, play and listen to music, shoot photography, and collect shoes of all kinds.

I was born and raised in the Mormon bubble of Salt Lake City.  I served a two-year LDS mission and graduated from BYU.  I have a strict LDS family whom I love dearly and I know love me, too. I’ve been engaged to two different women, dated a lot of other girls (each of whom I have loved in one way or another), and I’ve fallen in love with one man who truly broke my heart.

I’m imperfect, irrational, and occasionally dramatic.  I’m terrible with money and I’m usually too generous with what I have.  I love to cook but my style of cooking lends me to look more like Paula Deen than Bobby Flay.  I was once an athlete but now I’m just well insulated.  I love to garden and grow my own vegetables and flowers but I’ve become relegated to houseplants. 

I’m artistic and creative and I have a penchant for seeing hidden potential in almost anything. I collect books, antiques, and art and I am currently building a business around re-purposing old furniture and other remanded items.

Ultimately, I am me.  Michael.  I speak for myself; nobody else.  I believe I can relate to many others which is why I lend my voice to this blog.  I am one voice among many who write for this site and each of us share our varied voices in a chorus that is unified in purpose.  Each of us writes to share our experiences and raise awareness for the LGBT community. Each of us does this regardless of religious affiliation, gender, gender identity, orientation or any other defining characteristic.  Although most of us come from an LDS background and that may influence our writing, we are not singular in our faith or in our target audience. 

As a member of the LGBT community, and as a writer for this blog, I welcome everyone to read our messages and I invite everyone to comment and participate in our dialogue. But, above all else, I do not apologize for breaching difficult subjects.  

Over the last couple of weeks we’ve discussed everything from sex and education to religion and suicide on this site. All of these subjects can, and possibly did, offend some of our readers. Again, I echo my previous comment: we do not apologize for these posts - in fact, we celebrate the courage and tenacity it takes to open up and share such personal aspects of our lives. While we recognize that some of our posts may not appeal to everyone who may read our blog, I know that each of us as writers appreciates the maturity that is usually displayed by the majority of our readers and by those who comment on our posts.  Thank you.

That being said, however, over the last week I have been called, along with the majority of my fellow bloggers, an imbecile, simple-minded, crass, intolerant, judgmental, inconsiderate, a jackoff, unprofessional, shameful, and ignorant. 

Really?

Rather than address these accusations, I will just say this:  I love you. I don’t know you, my accusers, beyond your names and your words.  But I do. I do love you.  I love your courage to share your voices and your opinions even though we do not agree.  I wish you the best in all of your endeavors and hope you find happiness in each of your actions.

We are told as children that “Sticks and stones may break our bones; but words will never hurt us.” We all know that’s incorrect.  I played very physical sports growing up and I was never shy about getting into fist fights as a kid but some of the words and accusations that were thrown around this week cut me deeply. Each of these statements hurt me much more than any punch, take down, or tackle did as an adolescent or young adult.

To conclude, the video below is part of a beautiful campaign that I hope each of us can latch onto and share.  We all need more love in our lives.  More kindness. More tolerance and respect. More peace.  We all need to hear something, it’s true. But, let’s start by sharing something kind and loving for someone else.  My voice is joined with yours. I love all of you. Friend or foe, I wish all of you the best whoever you are, wherever you are.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for being you. And to some of you, thank you for loving me.

All my love,

MJ