Hi everyone! SO I had the most amazing experience yesterday! I was walking along when I was suddenly grabbed on the shoulder. I turn around and there is the most adorable girl simply smiling at me. She then proceeded to ask if my name was Nathan and if I wrote on this blog. I said yes and she was SO happy to meet a writer on this blog and kept talking about how much it meant to her and to keep up the good work. So Mary (hope I spelled that right) you are incredible and I dedicate this post to you!SO In response to this question I am just going to lay it out. I am a faithful member of the LDS Church and I love it. What is more important to me, however, is my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior. I have an incredibly strong testimony and no matter what happens with the church and my membership, my testimony can never be taken away from me. I have made up my mind that I will live the gospel principles and doctrines my entire life.
This being said, I want to get married. I want the family, the house, the pet dogs (I want to have 3 golden retrievers or labs, and yes I have names picked out) and I don’t see anything wrong with wanting these things. Everyone wants basic things in their life and I am no different.
I will remain a member of the church and follow it’s principles as long as I can. But when I eventually get proposed to, I will get married. I hope that at that point I can still remain a part of this incredible church but if I can’t be than I will accept it. I have heard of LGBT couples who have followed all the rules and done things by the book and who are allowed to still attend church and hold callings. They might not be able to do everything that they wish but if I could still raise a family in the church and have a calling and be worthy I would be incredibly happy.
That is a far ways away so I don’t worry about it too much. Right now I am focused on my family, my education, my career, and my friends.
Nathan, I hope with all my heart that your dream will become a reality, and that you won't have to give up either a loving relationship and family of your own...OR your involvement with the church that you love. To me, it seems perfectly reasonable to want both.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this post :).
Nathan, I am so glad to hear that this blog is affecting some of our readers so positively. That is wonderful! Also, send my love to the wonderful woman that sent you such a heartfelt comment/question on your personal site. She sounds great, too.
ReplyDeleteAs for the gay dream of getting married, buying a house with a picket fence, 2.8 kids, and three Labradors (I prefer yellow labs, they're my favorite), ALL while trying to maintain some semblance of membership in the church, seems so foreign and undesirable to me.
Sure, I guess there was a time that I wanted that. It would sure make the situation easier for my family to digest. Nowadays, however, I really struggle with wanting to stay part of an organization that seems so intent on condemning me and eager to cast me out. I have been hurting for so long, after giving everything, that it just doesn't seem like my cup of tea anymore.
But, if that's what you want, and he's willing to do it too, best of luck.
For me though, I'll stick to the picket fence and two-story, 2.8 kids, a cat, an English Mastiff, and a loving spouse/partner who loves me and our family. I love the idea of having a spiritual connection with everything, I just don't know if religion can ever again be that conduit for me.
MJ, You know...maybe the GA's should read a few blogs, listen to some podcasts, and have a nice sit down chat with Carol Lynn Pearson. Because they just don't see the hurt they're causing, or the amazing people the church is losing because people like you are being forced into impossible situations. I'm sorry.
DeleteIt is a church of miracles, right?
DeleteAs a Mormon lesbian, I have had a lot of the same thoughts and hopes as you have, Nathan. I have a hard time sustaining that hope, however. But I'm old, and I don't seen radical change happening in the church in my lifetime. Maybe you'll have more luck.
ReplyDeleteI'm working through being LDS and Pansexual. It's nice though because the most perfect example of the Church to me is my best friend, who loves me unconditionally. But I think if we all had that mentality than the Church would be such a better place. Best of luck, Nathan and MJ. And thanks to the girl who had the courage to approach Nathan. :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteUm, I'm dumb and I think I accidentally deleted my last comment, ha ha. What I meant to say was, I am totally reading Nathan :) Thanks for the shout out! I love this post and I love that you are trying to stay close to Heavenly Father. That's the most important thing for anyone, and I can say that with all sincerity. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMARY!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteI love you! I'm glad you're reading (even though I already knew at one point that you maybe were...). Thanks for commenting. Remember how you're like the cutest girl ever with the most adorable little dimples??
Basically, I think you're great.
Nathan, when I first came out to what I call my "England group" (a study abroad group) one of the professors said essentially, that I should stick around in the church because it would soon change and I'd be accepted in it as a lesbian. I liked his acceptance of me, and even his optimism for the church.
ReplyDeleteI even thought for a while that maybe I could make it work. Either I could have a family with a nice man in the Church. Or I could find a nice lady who still loved the church and we'd at least be able to keep some close ties with it.
As I've gotten out of the Provo bubble and the BYU bubble and the Church bubble a little more I've begun to recognize that I don't have to want a family and a big house and a dog like I was taught to want.
And the more I thought about it the more I came to realize that those are not my personal goals. The church is not for me.
Your last line holds a lot of wisdom. Focus on what's important right now. If you want to stay with the church, I hope you find a way to make it work. But more than anything, I hope you find love--I hope you find that special one to marry.