The Gay Stereotype

It seems like a lot of people get hung up on stereotypes.

For instance, gays are known for being crazy sex fiends who get std's out the wazoo. Gay people even seem to think this is how things are or how they are perceived. And then as if to prove something some gays feel like they have to act like the most pious Christians out there. Gay Mormons feel like they have to show they're being celibate and following all the rules in order to prove that gays aren't bad. Others feel they have to prove that gays can have families and build lasting relationships just to show that gays aren't bad. In some ways this sickens me, but at the same time I'm going to give you my proof.

I've been in a committed relationship for about four years now with the most beautiful girl on the planet. We are best friends. We communicate, we have fun, we work together on things like planting and caring for our little garden or washing the dishes or cooking dinner. We have our arguments and misunderstandings just like everyone else. We cry sometimes. We get frustrated and angry sometimes. Like everyone else.

If you read my post last week, you'll know that we have sex--like everyone else. But, probably unlike most people in the world neither Addie nor I had much experience before meeting each other. I experimented lightly as a teenager with another girl, but never really felt comfortable with it. Addie had never been with anyone before me. Also, quite unlike most people, Addie and I knew each other and dated (although she didn't know we were dating for some of the time) for over a year before ever having sex. According to Addie, this is even rare among the pious Mormons who get married after two months of knowing each other--and apparently, largely in anticipation for the wedding night. Of course in this world, timing and getting to know the person you're going to make love with as well as spend your life with doesn't seem to be as important as some little piece of paper saying you're legally bound in marriage. So, really for all intents and purposes, I'm still a sinner and a bad person for not marrying Addie first. Ooops! guess this isn't proving I'm still a good person even if I'm gay.

The truth is, I don't care what people think of me. I find it very sad that anyone has to "prove" their human identity, their goodness, their worthiness for enjoying legal rights and love.

Even those who wind up with STDs and who have multiple partners and who fit into whatever other stereotype that people see as "bad"--even they are human. Even they have emotions. Even they deserve to love and to be loved. Even they have a right to freedom and to legal niceties.

RyBread Wisdom: We cannot change the way others think. All we can do is live for ourselves, enjoy our loves, and be who we are without letting the ideas and opinions of others weigh on our shoulders. No need to prove we are good. Simply be good according to your own personal standards and belief.