I've had a lot of beautiful thoughts floating around for a while now and I had hoped I would be able to formulate them into a post, but sometimes words fail me (if you just thought of a Kris Delmhorst lyric you win 10 points). As often happens, my thoughts are better expressed through a song. This week it's Joshua Radin's Streetlight. My favorite line is "I don't mind the wait. It's fine. As long as you know it's the wait that could be the something."
What if the wait is where the something is?
What's so wrong with waiting for the next step, the next door, the next answer, the next opportunity.
Why are we so afraid of waiting? Of the nothing? Of not knowing?
I think I've been finding that I usually miss the something that's in the waiting because I'm so busy filling my life with nothing.
So, let the wind blow us to wherever it says we are supposed to go. I remembered the importance this week of being flexible with myself and with the changes that are always happening. Always. I remembered how important it is to let the wind blow me, to be okay floating on the breeze, not trying to control or steer...
just floating
just going
just waiting....
There is beauty in the waiting.
Thoughts??
Streetlight - Joshua Radin
I'll wait for something under a streetlight
It won't be long
Because it's dark it's cold
It's one of those nights where
There's something out there
Keeps me alive
But I don't know where to go
So I think I'll sit and stay here a while
Till I figure it out
So let the wind blow us
To wherever it says
We are supposed to go
When you want something but can't name it
It's under a streetlight
It's something you've never seen before
Open the door
It's something you've always been afraid of
It's under a streetlight
And now all you want is more
But I don't know where to go
So I think I'll sit and stay here a while
Till I figure it out
So let the wind blow us
To wherever it says
We are supposed to go
Let the wind blow us
To wherever it says
We are supposed to go
I don't mind the wait it's fine
As long as you know
It's the wait that could be the something
I don't know where to go
So I think I'll sit and stay here a while
Till I figure it out
I LOVE this! I have been realizing more and more lately that everyone in this world is so caught up in getting things done right now, fitting in as many things as they can in one day that they end up being stressed and unhappy. Why get mad waiting at a street light? Why get mad because you're stuck in stop and go traffic on the freeway? You can't change the fact that the cars are going slow or that the light decided to turn red. BUT you can choose how you react to it! You can either say "The world sucks. Move faster you stupid truck!" or you can dance to that amazing song on the radio! (honestly I do this ALL the time, it always makes other people smile because I am alone busting some crazy moves) To quote the movie Elizabethtown: "Make them wonder why you're still smiling."... or something like that. :D
ReplyDeleteDitto to what Chris said. :)
DeleteI LOVE dancing in my car.
particularly while sporting some very stylish eyewear. ;)
Stylish eyewear is definitely a must!
DeletePersonally, I'm a huge fan of car dancing...particularly with the windows down and the volume up. :)
DeleteI'm so in love with this post. With that dandelion (and the ones to come--somewhere..I hope). With Josh Radin. With you.
ReplyDeleteYou said it. well, Josh said it, but you bolded it. it's the wait that could be the something.
More and more, I'm learning to love the wait. ;)
This is really hard for me to wrap my mind around. I love the idea and I love your writing but I feel like I need an anchor. I need direction. As I write this, though, I think that perhaps rather than an anchor or something to hold onto, maybe I just need a sail.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's it. I need a sail. I need to be willing and flexible to adapt to whatever life gives me but, at the same time, I need to be able to guide myself towards the goals I've set for myself.
Perfect. Thanks. This was great!
I think that's an interesting idea, MJ. Although...I'm not sure it works for me quite the same. Perhaps it's because I"m a romantic, but maybe it's just because my delusions from the past have taught me that I cannot really even guide myself to the goals I want.
DeleteThe more I think about this though, the more I have to argue with myself. I feel like there are goals (such as finishing my novel) which is something I can choose to do and something that the wind isn't just going to blow me into. However, the last novel that I started, no matter how much I wanted to finish it, was never going to be done and that's just because it didn't have what I needed. No plot. And I had little interest in it. I had to let myself let go even if it meant never finishing my goal. I couldn't guide myself towards what I wanted because it wasn't right with the where the wind wanted to take me.
Perhaps the wait isn't for everyone. But maybe it's just that they don't see the wait as something. As an acceptance for the wind to blow us where we are supposed to go.
Maybe my hesitation about the sail (which I think is much better than an anchor, btw) is it seems really hard to keep it in my own hands. It seems that, in trying to control where my life goes, all these expectations get wound up in it and take over. Not just from others but from myself. I expect me to be a certain way or accomplish certain things, but I forget that even I am constantly changing. What I value today may not be what I value a week from now. And that's okay. For me, the answer is to let the wind carry me. It's about being open to new ways of living and thinking and being.
But, it's really hard. And I resist change a lot--which only leads to stress and crying.
I don't know. What do you think about being flexible and adaptable, yet still having hold of the sail, so to speak? Is that possible to be in control yet being willing to accept change?
Perhaps instead of a sail, we need an umbrella. If we have an umbrella then the wind will blow wherever it wants. If we continue to hold on to that umbrella and be true to ourselves, then we will be happy with where it takes as and enjoy the ride. However in life we have a choice... I like to think of it as we are all in the sky on our umbrella (mine is teal)and we can choose to hold on to our umbrella and it will gracefully touch the ground at "moments" in our lives that will mean a lot to us and ultimately make us a better person, or, we can see something on the ground and go for it. In TA Demmings' case she could have let go of her umbrella and landed where she wanted to go to get that novel done. She would be happy that she finished it, but, is she really going to be happy that she just dropped 50 feet to get there?
DeleteI think Mary Poppins had the right idea here. ;)
I hope I conveyed that correctly. :) I thought it was cool in my head but getting it on "paper" is different.
TA, forgive me. I am going to ramble and I hope it makes some sort of sense...
DeleteHere's the thing, it's not necessarily the wait that is the challenge for me (although my red, type A personality definitely makes it a challenge) it's the thought of me not having a purpose that I have a hard time with - that's why I love the "sail" image.
As I have begun reconciling myself and my life, I have lost the anchor that was the church. That was difficult because it is what I held on so tightly to for almost 27 years. Now that I am stepping away from that anchor I feel so much freer than before but I still feel small shackles of doubt and fear that tie me to that anchor - much less than before, but they are still there.
In my mind, I fear that if I DON'T have something (a "sail") to help guide and direct me away from the whirlpool of guilt, and shame, and fear, and pain, etc., etc., I will be stuck floating aimlessly around my former self and former beliefs forever.
As for your example about your novel, in my eyes that is a perfect example of a "sail" steering you in the direction you want and need. You are learning from your past and you have a firm hold on a new direction. You aren't (and can't) going to force it this time - just like you cant force the wind - but you have a new direction and a new goal you're working towards. I think that's marvelous!!!
I cry a lot anyway: change; rejection; ornery people in sacred edifices; bigots; hate; pain; empathy; the list goes on and on and on... I have come to appreciate crying, though. I find it to be very cleansing. With every tear that falls, each of the things I just listed falls out and away from me, too, drop by miniscule drop.
To answer your last question, I sure hope so. Change will occur whether or not I am willing to accept it. I have to give myself the strength and courage (and hope) to be able to navigate all changes or I can never progress effectively. I've already spent more than two decades being blown in the directions others have wanted me to go. Two decades of waiting to be "fixed" and sent on my merry little way. Two decades of pain and sorrow because I always knew I wasn't going to be who "everyone" in my life wanted me to be. Today, and every day moving forward, I hope to be able to navigate change and sail the winds of my life as I see fit, and not merely guide my life to match the prescribed plan others have given me.
I rambled but I hope that makes sense!
MJ. I totally see where you're coming from. And, actually, I think it's a pretty good metaphor...
DeleteI'm trying to understand why I had automatic hesitations to the sail idea...I think it's just my associations with them.
I've seen people do weird wind surfing stuff and they hold on to their little sail as it whips them around in all these crazy twists and stuff and then if they don't let go then they get hurt from the sail...I think for me, the idea of sails just seems dangerous and scary (as most things ocean-related). Also, maybe it's just that I've never even been on a sail boat let alone steered one, so I feel like I have no experience or qualifications for sailing--and I feel like that with my life right now. I don't know what I'm doing, so it seems the best idea to just let the wind carry me and to figure out what my heart wants as I go along.
However, for all intents and purposes, the sail metaphor is sound, and I think could make a fantastic essay--particularly with a comparison to the anchor.
I still think the dandelion blow with the wind sounds much more romantic.
p.s. I like your ramblings. and I like being able to throw ideas back and forth.
I love our idea bouncing, too. My experience with sail boats is drawn off of my time at Bear Lake when I earned my sailing merit badge. Much more tame and probably the root of the errors in my argument... Ha! I love your connection with the image and I feel drawn towards it, too. I guess I'm just jealous of your romance and the idea that good things CAN happen if you just 'let them.'
DeleteGood things WILL happen if you just let them. :) Just sayin...
DeleteIn my mind, this is all about surrender. And there is a GIANT paradox here. Have any of you ever seen Chocolat? At the beginning of that film the storyteller says, "Once upon a time, there was a quiet little village in the French countryside, whose people believed in Tranquilité - Tranquility. If you lived in this village, you understood what was expected of you. You knew your place in the scheme of things. And if you happened to forget, someone would help remind you. In this village, if you saw something you weren't supposed to see, you learned to look the other way. If perchance your hopes had been disappointed, you learned never to ask for more. So through good times and bad, famine and feast, the villagers held fast to their traditions. Until, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North..."
ReplyDeleteIn the past, I lived in a world like that. It was my anchor. I lived in a box with all the answers, and as long as I stayed inside the lines drawn by my leaders/father/god I was accepted and loved and cared for.
But then, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North...and I had to go. Granted, it wasn't just like that. The seeds to leaving were planted long before, but in a way I really did just up and leave. I needed to be free. It's been a long journey, but since then I have come to be repulsed by the idea of an anchor. In my mind, an anchor is something that just ties you down. Never again will I hold to anything so tightly(religion/group/club/job/etc). I think that doing so closes your mind and doesn't allow for the kind of personal expansion that I am after.
As for the sail, I like that better, even though I hate water. It's all about surrender. It's about giving up trying to control things. It's about allowing yourself to flow. But this is where the paradox comes in (and I LOVE paradox). I do believe that we steer our own course...sort of. But maybe it's more about timing. I have ideas and dreams and passions and I create plans and head towards them if it feels right. Sometimes it works. But sometimes I am blown in another direction before that goal is realized. And that's just the thing. We are always changing. Our dreams, goals, ideas, beliefs, ultimately our entire selves, are always changing. I've had to learn about being flexible and allowing those changes. It's not about letting go of everything entirely, but about being flexible. We open, we close, we hold on, we let go, we move, we change....
[sigh]. This is why I tried to explain this one with a song. I don't have words for it. For me, this is more felt than said. But in my life I've tried to commit to following the wind (my heart, my soul, the flow...whatever), and ever since then I've been happier than ever. That is all I really know.
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DeleteJ'aime bien le vent qui viens du nord. C'est superb et, Jo, tes mots me poussent vers ce vent chaque jour! Aussi, j'aime chocolat, le film et aussi le bonbon. Je t'aime mon amie!
DeleteJ'aime aussi le chocolat. Beaucoup! Merci pour ton aimables mots. Je t'aime aussi, MJ!
DeleteFor someone who doesn't have the words for it, you're pretty damn good at expressing something--even if it's not whatever you're feeling exactly.
DeleteWell, Ry, I'm glad I can get something useful across, even if I feel like it's gibberish. Thanks for reading. :)
DeleteHow did I miss Chris's comment!?! I love me some Mary Poppins. A lot. If your umbrella is teal, mine is lime green. Or burnt orange. Mmmm, citrus... Anyway, I like that idea. More than anything, I like the thought of being above the dreary doldrums of society; keeping oneself aloof of the problems the plague everyone around us. And, when the going gets real tough, "a spoon full of sugar" makes anything easier to swallow!
ReplyDeleteHahaha. I love Mary Poppins...even though it's kind of a scary movie if you think about it...and very inaccurate...historically speaking.
DeleteMy umbrella is rainbow. I have to admit, Chris, your analogy lost me somewhere in the middle, but I think that generally the idea I got from it seems pretty cool. I'd much rather fly around with an umbrella than be sailing around on water...
oh, and I prefer a spoonful of raw honey over any sugar...but, it certainly would help anything go down. ;)
DeleteI just think it would be nice to just float over everything. The view would be amazing and you could just enjoy the ride! :D I kind of agree with Tiff here, Mary Poppins (if you think about it) is kind of a creepy movie. However, I love it! :D Movie night!
DeleteDang, now I have "just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, medicine go dooowwwn, medicine go down! Do dah do do do do dah......." stuck in my head.
Wow. Rad post. Or should I say Radin post...yeah, okay. That wasn't as funny as I thought.
ReplyDeleteI love this song. And as always, your post seems to relate directly to where I'm at in my life, Jo. Thanks for the words.
This is officially the highest number of comments I've ever gotten on a post. I'm glad you guys needed to bounce ideas back and forth trying to figure out what the right analogy was...it made me feel good. :)
ReplyDelete