Veronica is coming!
She'll be here the weekend of Salt Lake Pride, by accident, how fun is that?
We are planning what to wear for the White Party, planning our whole 4 day weekend.
Plenty of poolside tanning. Plenty of wine, plenty of late night snuggling, plenty of pillow talk.
It's been almost two years since I've seen her. I miss her and I love her terribly.
But I'm really nervous. I don't want to sleep with her, but I know that I probably will, given the situation I'll be in. Tempting, easy, comfortable, sexy as hell. But I literally DO NOT want to sleep with her.
I told her this and she almost cancelled her trip. I don't really know how to handle the feelings I have toward her. Yes, I love her, yes, I'm very attracted to her. My heart doesn't want the sexual pressure and her reaction to my telling her I didn't want to get to that level of physicality bothered me quite a lot. I always knew that men wanted me just for my body. I'm athletic, small, toned, and tan and I have beautiful crazy long brown hair. I get it. I never, however, imagined that a woman would want me for the same reason alone and her response made me feel like a cheap cut of meat.
And that breaks my heart a lot because I thought and hoped I was more.