Lately I have been watching a lot of YouTube video's about what it means to be bisexual, pansexual, a lesbian and everything in between. I have been watching video's on how to tell if a girl has some homosexual tenancies, how to flirt with said girl, and what mainstream lesbians think of bi/pan/queer folk. And in watching these videos I've realized something: patriarchy is everywhere!
Patriarchy, is defined by Google as a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. This is particularly troublesome in the girl-girl relationship field. Girl-boy relationships are predicable, and easy to figure out. The boy opens the doors, pays for dinner, makes the first move. But what about girl-girl relationships? Who takes the lead, who is the initiator? What if you both are initiators, or passive gals? Rarely does one find a relationship where one girl is ALWAYS the initiator and one is ALWAYS passive. It is more likely that they will switch roles, many times throughout the day, let alone the course of the relationship. It is also more likely that one will find oneself passive at the same time one's girlfriend/love interest is passive and the same goes for initiators.
[I hope that is it not going unnoticed that I am avoiding the use of the word aggressive, which would naturally be the opposite of passive, but I HATE the word aggressive and anything surrounding it. I also am trying to be very careful not to call girl-girl relationships lesbian relationships, because that implies that all girls in all girl-girl relationships are lesbians. And that is just as untrue as calling every person in a girl-boy relationship straight. Though I guess one way around this would be to call the girl-girl relationships homosexual relationships because they are TECHNICALLY homosexual, meaning comprised of two individuals who are of the same gender. I guess that's what I'll do.]
So how does one navigate the dark and twisty road that is female homosexual relationships, without that oh so comforting blanket of patriarchy to use as a guide? I should hope that the answer would be obvious: discuss it with your date/girlfriend/partner/_(other similar words)_. If one is not sure who is paying for dinner, or who is leading in the dance, or who is opening whose door, I purpose talking about it.
Dating is hard, there is no need to make it harder by trying to play a game, or be coy, or any of that nonsense. And I need to follow my own advice.