True Equality Won't Come with Marriage

A peaceful spring break quickly turned into a hectic one. Surprisingly, the continuous plans I made to keep me busy weren’t the most hectic part of it all. Dinner and Jersey Boys, a Giants game, and catching up with friends were the least of my chaos. The most frenzy came from Facebook and this symbol:

and my having to explain my position.

This post is not about arguing for or against the issue of same-sex marriage. That’s not the point. I myself am weary about marriage as an institution, specifically because of the inequalities it perpetuates and small population marriage is even applicable to. I invite anyone to click here, here, and here, for more reading on this topic, as more educated people have been better able to articulate their thoughts on the matter.

And yes, I do realize that this issue reaching the Supreme Court is historical and could produce significant legislation, so that’s not what this post is about. 

What this post is about, however, is how the issue of same-sex marriage is being deployed as a solution to injustice towards the LGBTQ community, the solution to everyone’s problems. And as I struggled to formulate my opinion on the matter, Jack Halberstam, Director of The Center for Feminist Research at University of Southern California and queer theorist, came as my saving grace with the following quote:

"Get married by all means--gays, straights, whatevers--but don't confuse recognition with liberation or the cementing of social norms with social justice."

Amen.

If anyone needs any proof that other and more crippling problems persist, then I wish I could show you my Facebook News Feed, filled with posts from conservative LDS Facebook friends that directly and indirectly denounce not only same-sex marriage, but most importantly homosexuality and being attracted to members of the same-sex. Attraction. Within these spaces, many are not even at the point of grasping the acceptability of individuals interested in members of the same sex, and allowing these people to express their interest through romance and relationships. Even if same-sex couples are granted the right to marry, there are still many problems facing people in the LGBTQ community. The fact that people identifying in such a way can only be accepted in my church if they abstain from romantic relationships is one issue, as it’s unfair to deny anyone to feel and experience the Christlike emotion of love, and build a family, which is one of, if not the, most important teaching of the church.

I admire those allies in support of same-sex marriage, as, for some, it reflects a genuine interest in gay and lesbian politics. But I beg that these same people become allies to the LGBTQ community as a whole, and keep this vigor and passion in issues much more plaguing and vital to the larger community. There are causes and actions more worthwhile than changing a profile picture, and these movements call for personal involvement to work towards solutions towards these problems. Because when “faggot” continues to be yelled at me as I walk down the streets of my community at night, I must admit that same-sex marriage is only a pit stop on this journey, with stops of homophobia, acceptance in religious spaces, and LGBT youth and homelessness needing to be addressed. There are many more issues plaguing the community that are vital to the mere survival of some. Before marriage, survival and basic necessities must be met first.  

Guest Post: Privilege

We all have got something called "privilege". It is the natural product of living in a human society that there will be groups of people given more advantage. Someone who is white in America has more of an advantage, and this is called “white privilege”. A heterosexual couple or person in America also has more privilege than a non-heterosexual person or couple. Environment and culture can affect privilege greatly. For instance, in Utah a Mormon has more privilege than a non-Mormon, who has more privilege than a former-Mormon.

Privilege is more often than not taken for granted, and can be difficult to recognize without a few hints. We aren't used to consistently thinking “How would [minority group] feel right now?”. Privilege, or a lack thereof, has the ability to seep into every part of life- individual, legal, societal. Having privilege is automatic: it doesn't make you a bad person. This quote from “Fannie's Room” puts privilege in perspective:

“Having certain privileges isn't about being a "bad" person. It's about being aware that your experience in life is largely seen as a norm, as the standard, even though other people have equally-valid experiences in life. It's about being aware of how some people are the statistical norm, other people are made to feel pathological, wrong, immoral, and unwelcome in certain places because there are fewer of them. We aren't part of the problem just because we're privileged. We become part of the problem only when deny our privilege while promoting the idea that there is only one correct, non-pathological way to live and be in the world.“

Some privileges intersect. For instance, you may not feel the threat of death for being transgender, but you might for being gay. In the process of transitioning, I have both gained and lost privilege. At the beginning of my transition, I still looked female (at best, androgynous), but the more I have transitioned and the more I look male, the more privilege I gain. I gained heterosexual privilege (as an individual, and with my relationship with my female partner.) I gained male privilege (but only so long as I am not out to the group as transgender.) I have also lost certain privileges: I have lost any cisgender privilege I had in the past since I have come out as transgender. How I am treated can depend on how “out” I am as transgender.

For many transgender people who are transitioning to the 'opposite' side of gender-- female to male, male to female-- it is a question of how “out” they want to be, how “out” they should be, and how “out” they need to be. Presenting as male and having an “F” indicate my sex on my identification automatically “outs” me. Having a legal name that is obviously female, and consistently going by an obviously male name has the ability to “out” me. I do not have a fully transitioned body, so this makes it necessary to be out to my sexual partner. While studies have found that glb people are happier and eventually safer in their life while they are out, there are indications that trans people are not always happier or safer while out. Trans people are very aware of the privilege they gain when no one knows they are trans.

Takes Up Space has an excellent cisgender privilege list.

Here are a few cisgender privileges from the list:

Information important for me to keep private will not be revealed by:

Pictures from my childhood

My identification

My voice

The language used to refer to me

I expect the privacy of my body to be respected. I am not asked about what my genitals look like, or whether or not my breasts are real, what medical procedures I have had, etc.
I expect access to healthcare.
I expect that medical therapies offered to me have been the subject of rigorous medical studies & approval processes.
Treatments which are medically necessary for me are generally covered by insurance.

A side note about medical necessity: Often the reason used by health insurance companies for denying coverage of any transition-related care is that it isn't medically necessary, despite both the American Medical Association and the American Psychological Association affirming that these treatments are a medical necessity for transgender people who wish to transition. (Also, often insurance companies will deny any treatment that has a possibility to be related to transitioning- not paying for a prostate exam for a male to female transsexual, or not paying for treatments for ovarian cancer for a female to male transsexual claiming it was a result of taking testosterone)

So, now what-- what can you do if you are cisgender and share in cisgender privilege?

You can try to be more aware of your privilege.

Being aware means making room for people who are transgender, in your language and your actions. It means you take certain actions that recognize the privilege you have, and attempt to afford the same for others. (Perhaps by sticking up for a transman that uses the men's restroom) For cis privilege, it means respecting a trans person as their gender identity, using correct pronouns and names and other gendered language. Because of the nature of transgenderism, there will always be cisgender privilege, but if cisgender and transgender people made an effort to make the world more trans-friendly, my belief is that there would certainly be less of it.

Roz Kaveney has six axioms of trans activism:

1) Display solidarity with all our trans brothers and sisters

2) Build alliances by getting involved as ourselves in other areas of politics

3) Refuse to let journalistic and intellectual attacks on our community go unanswered- we can have and keep the moral high ground

4) Be creative, be smart, be ourselves, and don't let anybody tell us who we are and what we do

5) Refuse the pathological model- we are not sick, just different

6) Refuse those politics- heterosexism, body fascism- that work against all of the above, but especially #1.