Lately I have been watching a lot of YouTube video's about what it means to be bisexual, pansexual, a lesbian and everything in between. I have been watching video's on how to tell if a girl has some homosexual tenancies, how to flirt with said girl, and what mainstream lesbians think of bi/pan/queer folk. And in watching these videos I've realized something: patriarchy is everywhere!
Patriarchy, is defined by Google as a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. This is particularly troublesome in the girl-girl relationship field. Girl-boy relationships are predicable, and easy to figure out. The boy opens the doors, pays for dinner, makes the first move. But what about girl-girl relationships? Who takes the lead, who is the initiator? What if you both are initiators, or passive gals? Rarely does one find a relationship where one girl is ALWAYS the initiator and one is ALWAYS passive. It is more likely that they will switch roles, many times throughout the day, let alone the course of the relationship. It is also more likely that one will find oneself passive at the same time one's girlfriend/love interest is passive and the same goes for initiators.
[I hope that is it not going unnoticed that I am avoiding the use of the word aggressive, which would naturally be the opposite of passive, but I HATE the word aggressive and anything surrounding it. I also am trying to be very careful not to call girl-girl relationships lesbian relationships, because that implies that all girls in all girl-girl relationships are lesbians. And that is just as untrue as calling every person in a girl-boy relationship straight. Though I guess one way around this would be to call the girl-girl relationships homosexual relationships because they are TECHNICALLY homosexual, meaning comprised of two individuals who are of the same gender. I guess that's what I'll do.]
So how does one navigate the dark and twisty road that is female homosexual relationships, without that oh so comforting blanket of patriarchy to use as a guide? I should hope that the answer would be obvious: discuss it with your date/girlfriend/partner/_(other similar words)_. If one is not sure who is paying for dinner, or who is leading in the dance, or who is opening whose door, I purpose talking about it.
Dating is hard, there is no need to make it harder by trying to play a game, or be coy, or any of that nonsense. And I need to follow my own advice.
._. I have no scale for the irrelevance of the previous comment. But I'm just starting out on my blog and whilst this is NOT a promotion I would love it if someone with more experience with blogging could help me out. It's called LGBTeen's letters and I use it to vent. If you want to, have a look. I could really use some help in real life too. :-(
ReplyDeleteLGBTeen, go ahead and email me at eehenrie@gmail.com and I'll do what I can to help
ReplyDeleteI think it is also important to note that patriarchy is also damaging to males as well. What I notice some feminists forget to acknowledge (through no fault of their own) is that patriarchy creates barriers for both men and women. Why is it that as a male, it's deemed as weird for me to show an interest in costume design and to show empathy?
ReplyDeleteNo gender is superior or inferior to another, as both genders are biologically meant to co-exist. That is not saying we should assume structured gender-roles, as that idea builds more barriers than it opens doors.
I do not support this exploitation of the female sexuality in the pornography industry as it paints women as sexual objects for men to use, as opposed to creative, social, and romantic which are more common positive traits associated with both women and feminism.
Feminism can only move forward if we allow liberally-minded men to engage in the debate as to empower both sexes to an equal level, as well as help engage the LGBTI community too.
My opinion, sex is who you are biologically, but gender is who you identify as. And in a relationship it's not about gender dominance, but more about personality and pro-activity.