Matt here. This will be short.
Today I wished again that I were straight. I was watching a show, and two of the main characters were finally getting it on after thirty-some episodes, and I wanted to be him. I wanted to find her attractive, I wanted sex with a woman to be enticing. I wanted to be like the other 95 percent of humanity.
Some years ago, when I felt like this, it made me wonder if Evergreen was on to something. Heck, I think they were on to something, even if their conclusions about it were wildly wrong. I do crave straightness, I wish I were like straight men. It makes sense to want to be normal. Evergreen was wrong, I think, to suppose that straightness can be cultivated, but not in identifying the craving.
I remember being very young, perhaps seven years old, and wishing on a star. I wished to be Wolverine. There's nothing wrong with that. Wolverine is awesome. Being straight is awesome. But I'm not Wolverine, and I'm not straight.
There are worlds and worlds of alternative universes in my head. Sometimes they make me so sad and dissatisfied with the world as it is. It's hard to feel sometimes that being gay is also awesome.