For a couple years I went on a sexual journey to try to figure out why I couldn't have an orgasm. True. Stay with me.
I have trouble connecting with men on a sexual level.
I tried all kinds. Bigger penis, thicker penis, circumcised, uncircumcised, all shapes, all sizes, I even went black. But for all my experimentation, I couldn't have an orgasm. That can get frustrating for men. But I knew it wasn't them, it wasn't something they were or weren't doing. It was me. I felt attracted to them, but I didn't feel desire for them. I never had a real connection with them.
I love big men. I love beards and mountain man type builds. I even have a thing for bald heads with beards. The bigger the better in my opinion. I had sex with a guy once who felt smaller than I was ( I was a double zero at the time) and lets just say it didn't work out between us.
For me, I need there to be a crazy chemical reaction. The kind of reaction where you feel raw, burning desire so strongly that the sexual intimacy flows lava like from both parties.
It wasn't until I was with a woman that I found this.
Is it because it's less known area for me? Probably. Is it because I'm inexperienced with women? Definitely. Is it because I have an attraction for women that I've only accepted for a few years of my 31 years? Absolutely.
I'm happy to say that since I was able to discover my true sexuality, I can now connect with men on a sexual level. I'm not on the intimate level yet, and FAR from the love level, and that's ok with me. I realize that my journey isn't through and it will be a lifelong road for me. I need some recovery, I need some healing, I need some self love.
My hope is that through these things, I will come to find the level of love and intimacy that everyone dreams of and too few are lucky enough to reach. But then again, I don't believe it has anything to do with luck.