Thursday, April 3, 2014

Sex and Love

For a couple years I went on a sexual journey to try to figure out why I couldn't have an orgasm.  True.  Stay with me.

I have trouble connecting with men on a sexual level.

I tried all kinds.  Bigger penis, thicker penis, circumcised, uncircumcised, all shapes, all sizes, I even went black.  But for all my experimentation, I couldn't have an orgasm.  That can get frustrating for men.  But I knew it wasn't them, it wasn't something they were or weren't doing.  It was me.  I felt attracted to them, but I didn't feel desire for them. I never had a real connection with them.

I love big men.  I love beards and mountain man type builds.  I even have a thing for bald heads with beards.  The bigger the better in my opinion.  I had sex with a guy once who felt smaller than I was ( I was a double zero at the time) and lets just say it didn't work out between us.

For me, I need there to be a crazy chemical reaction.  The kind of reaction where you feel raw, burning desire so strongly that the sexual intimacy flows lava like from both parties.

It wasn't until I was with a woman that I found this.

Is it because it's less known area for me? Probably.  Is it because I'm inexperienced with women?  Definitely.  Is it because I have an attraction for women that I've only accepted for a few years of my 31 years?  Absolutely.

I'm happy to say that since I was able to discover my true sexuality, I can now connect with men on a sexual level.  I'm not on the intimate level yet, and FAR from the love level, and that's ok with me.  I realize that my journey isn't through and it will be a lifelong road for me.  I need some recovery, I need some healing, I need some self love.

My hope is that through these things, I will come to find the level of love and intimacy that everyone dreams of and too few are lucky enough to reach.  But then again, I don't believe it has anything to do with luck.

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