Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Coming In, Out, Up, Down, Near, Beyond

"East of the sun, west of the moon, above the stars, below the earth, beyond the furthest pinpoint of divine understanding, but nestled in your very soul."

It's a phrase that will be used in a particular series that I've been working on for some time. It has to do with the story of two friends turning on each other after having become something of gods, and then going through the process of life in the world that they have both created. Both science fiction and heavy, gritty medieval fantasy is present in it, but enough self-promotion.

What I refer to is the ever-present changing nature of the human soul--that while you can put a name and a finger to many things about yourself, how much of it is based in your genes? Your psychology? Your habits? Your culture? Your community, society, nation, environment, geography, your very planet? Can a person ever know who they are without a context? Can we know the meaning of a sentence or phrase without it?

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. It's all about communication and the fact of whether or not the audience can emotionally connect with what you are talking about. It's true for whatever you're coming out about to others. It doesn't matter if you want to reveal if you're of a different sexual orientation, religious belief, mental condition, political reasoning, or if you highly prefer the fighting style of capoeira over Krav Maga. Personally, I prefer the standing techniques of the kung fu martial art, the mental aspects of aikido, and the ground techniques of Japanese Jujitsu.

How many people who read this blog will have the foggiest notion of what I'm talking about? Likely none, and thus I have nothing in the way of emotion to give you, which is what people want in conversation with each other. They want something that they can recognize on an emotional level, something that can be illustrated into the feelings we crave all so much. Sure, people can take something logical, something based in fact, but even then, we have emotions linked with our logic. Social rules and boundaries have logic to them, but hellfire if it's syllogistic. It took me a very long time to figure that out.

I could hand you the label that I'm an amateur martial artist, which would be fair and appropriate. However, how far away is that label from the reality of the situation? You don't know because I haven't explained the experience. I don't know if you'll listen to me for that long. If I don't have a mastery of what that label means to you, then we're at an impasse as to what I mean.

Before you say

I'll make my point.

There's no reason to put a name to yourself and stop growing. There's no reason to find constants for yourself that you've outgrown. Just because your shell has a beautiful spiraling red and gold pattern to it doesn't mean that it's not a cocoon. Wings are meant to fly, and if you find that you're flightless, you can likely outrun whatever's coming at you.

Seriously, these guys can move!

That cloud of cultural understanding, built from labels and propagated ideas and terms, it's a language all on its own. It's for understanding. However, for coming out, it all really depends on what you want, free of everything else. I mean everything, all assumptions, all of them. People don't have to understand you as long as you understand yourself, and that's a really, really difficult thing to do. 

On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with understanding the context of who you are, now, in that environment and society and culture and psychology and genetics that I listed above. It's the only context you have, and if you need to rely on it to find yourself, that's also okay. We do it for literary analysis all the time, why not for individual reflection? I personally wouldn't rely on it heavily, but it's a worthwhile examination nonetheless. Analyze all of the factors and everything that comes with them--cultures of churches, psychological effects of your particular career study, nutrition, organization of your very living spaces, everything. Changing the context will change you, and the greatest spark that people have within themselves is the ability to always grow, to keep on moving, to master the blistering and icy winds that fates send them.

You can come out to whoever you want about whatever you want. Once you have, can you move past the fact? Can you keep learning about yourself and not stop at that great discovery? Don't stop growing. Don't give into fear when it will hurt you more than protect you. Hundreds of worshiped people, human or demigods or otherwise faced ridicule and showed love. It was because they knew themselves better than anyone else ever could, and from their own examination, they knew others. 

"Blaze with the sunset. Watch the dawn. Sing with the stars. Breathe with the earth. Find the little truths, for the biggest ones are found within yourself while searching for others." 

Be yourself, and let you be yourself.

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