There are two women who stole the heart of my childhood
self: Leann Rimes and Shania Twain. And while the 4 year old me self-identified
with Rimes’ "Blue" (or at least her ability to hold the note), it was evident to
everyone that I connected most with Twain. Indeed, her cassette tape (90s child
and proud of it) Come on Over was on
constant repeat in my mom’s car. “Honey I’m Home” became the first song I recall
enjoying in its entirety. It is no wonder that my love for all things Shania
has lasted through the years. But it was only this morning that I truly
understood how long Shania and I have lasted.
I will not pretend like it is easy for me when my exes move
on and meet someone else. Thanks to Facebook and being an active social creature,
I have been around long enough to witness every ex boyfriend, date, crush, and
hookup move on to someone else. And the majority of these exes share one thing
in common: they move on to something bigger and better, or at least more
serious and long lasting. The trend has not been broken with a recent ex, who mentioned
to me the idea of us turning serious a mere month ago. But to log on to
Facebook last night and see his status as in a relationship with some other guy
was upsetting, to say the least. Cue feelings of inferiority and emo-ness, and
preparations for a life as an old cat lady.
When I awoke this morning, I felt no different, until I
decided it would be best to blast some Shania on the way to school. Indeed, Ms.
Twain (and more importantly the shuffle feature on my iPhone) blessed me with
“Today is Your Day,” her most recent (and not well known) track from 2011. What
burst through my earbuds was this:
“You just gotta make up your mind//That today is your day”
In that moment, I realized it was up to me to turn my mood
around. I could allow other people and events that do not involve me to bring
me down, or I could choose to make the most of the day I had been given. Soon
after that decision, I realized something even bigger: just because two people
are labeling themselves on Facebook as in a relationship, does not mean that it
fits my schema of what I want in a relationship. It does not indicate that
their bond will be as fulfilling, gratifying, or solidified as the one I aspire
to have. Therefore, when I get envious of others, I cannot say I’m envious of
their relationship, nor can I let it affect me and deem me fundamentally unable
to ever fulfill the role of a boyfriend for someone, somewhere.
Seems like Shania is still the one I run to…
Haha . . . oh Shania. She makes feeling like a woman sound like such fun.
ReplyDeleteApparently, it's a prerogative to have a little fun...
DeleteI don't know, that's totally crazy.
Delete