There are two women who stole the heart of my childhood self: Leann Rimes and Shania Twain. And while the 4 year old me self-identified with Rimes’ "Blue" (or at least her ability to hold the note), it was evident to everyone that I connected most with Twain. Indeed, her cassette tape (90s child and proud of it) Come on Over was on constant repeat in my mom’s car. “Honey I’m Home” became the first song I recall enjoying in its entirety. It is no wonder that my love for all things Shania has lasted through the years. But it was only this morning that I truly understood how long Shania and I have lasted.
I will not pretend like it is easy for me when my exes move on and meet someone else. Thanks to Facebook and being an active social creature, I have been around long enough to witness every ex boyfriend, date, crush, and hookup move on to someone else. And the majority of these exes share one thing in common: they move on to something bigger and better, or at least more serious and long lasting. The trend has not been broken with a recent ex, who mentioned to me the idea of us turning serious a mere month ago. But to log on to Facebook last night and see his status as in a relationship with some other guy was upsetting, to say the least. Cue feelings of inferiority and emo-ness, and preparations for a life as an old cat lady.
When I awoke this morning, I felt no different, until I decided it would be best to blast some Shania on the way to school. Indeed, Ms. Twain (and more importantly the shuffle feature on my iPhone) blessed me with “Today is Your Day,” her most recent (and not well known) track from 2011. What burst through my earbuds was this:
“You just gotta make up your mind//That today is your day”
In that moment, I realized it was up to me to turn my mood around. I could allow other people and events that do not involve me to bring me down, or I could choose to make the most of the day I had been given. Soon after that decision, I realized something even bigger: just because two people are labeling themselves on Facebook as in a relationship, does not mean that it fits my schema of what I want in a relationship. It does not indicate that their bond will be as fulfilling, gratifying, or solidified as the one I aspire to have. Therefore, when I get envious of others, I cannot say I’m envious of their relationship, nor can I let it affect me and deem me fundamentally unable to ever fulfill the role of a boyfriend for someone, somewhere.
Seems like Shania is still the one I run to…