Today was a gorgeous day in Provo. It snowed yesterday, but today it cleared up and the sky was finally blue and the mountains were a brilliant white swathed in clouds and mist. It was sunny and wonderful, especially if you have season affective disorder and are tired of being smothered by smog.
I'm currently in a nature poetry class, which basically means we're just reading a lot of nature poetry. I just got a brand-new anthology of ecopoetry, or poetry that in some way deals with nature and describes our relationship and obligation to it. I thought about this while I walked to the last hour of church today. I was stopping along the way and taking pictures of the mountains. I had good thoughts and bad thoughts. The good thoughts included:
-wow, this is a gorgeous day, and the sun just makes me feel like smiling.
-I'm really excited to read this poetry anthology.
-I heart Robert Hass.
The bad thoughts included:
-One time the bishop told me I was welcome in Relief Society as long as I didn't try to "advocate for" or "make a big deal about" being bisexual, and as long as I didn't ever bring it up in my comments.
Basically that one thought over and over and over again. For obvious reasons, since it was obviously quite hurtful. Still, being out in the sunny snow and looking at the blue sky and the mountains kind of helped crowd out the sad, hurt bit of me. This isn't always the case, and sometimes (a lot of times) it's probably okay to just sit around and puzzle over some terrible things people have said and try to figure out how to deal with them and what your relationship can be. But as we warm towards spring, I find myself thinking about how we're just small systems who are part of larger systems and that we have an important, integral, and humble place in nature. We fit. And that makes me feel better.
I didn't upload any of the pictures I took today, but there are lovely places around the world, and here are some pictures of those.
That last picture is kind of crappy, but it's of a hippo that I saw in Senegal, so you gotta deal with it.
Anyway, those are my thoughts. Mostly I just want it to be summer so I can go outside and bike around and my SADness can go away, but in the meantime, I'll try to enjoy nature where I can.
Should the Fox Come Again to My Cabin in the Snow
Then, the winter will have fallen all in white
and the hill will be rising to the north,
the night also rising and leaving,
dawn light just coming in, the fire out.
Down the hill running will come that flame
among the dancing skeletons of the ash trees.
I will leave the door open for him.