Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Overall, I Think I'm normal!

I know that this week is an important week for human rights. I was going to say an important week for gay people, but I realize that this bill effects everyone. Getting a positive decision out of the supreme court that favors gay marriage will help promote tolerance from everyone. Anyways, I don't think I have anything really new to say on the subject that would be particurally insightful, so I'm just going to leave it at "I support gay marriage and I support people who support gay marriage." :)

What I want to talk about is insecurities and where mine stem from. 

What am I insecure about? 
- Underperforming
- Not being able to be useful
- Not being useful
- People finding out that I LOVE pokemon
- Not waking up on time
- Not being autonoumous
- Not being able to take care of my deepest friends
- Being illogiacal in my actions and emotions
- Losing my half asian

I think most of these are pretty normal, personally. I mean, I'm not afraid that some dragon named Vlegger is going to come out of Y mountain and eat all of the gay people at BYU. So, I think I'm pretty normal.

One of the more abnormal insecurites on the list include being illogical. As a scientist, and a person who hangs around a lot of logical people (Hell, I'm dating one), I hate myself when I do stupid stuff like think that I want to break up with someone for no good reason. Or hating on a roommate who watches TV all day simply because I don't like TV. I actually get upset at myself for this. Like, really upset. And then I get prissy, and then I have to drag myself out of the funky mood that is sure to co-evolve with my prissiness. I just hate when my prissiness and hatefullness and other such emotions have nothing to do with logic.

"You are harder on yourself than anyone else is on you, Lee" -Kim, my best friend, a quote from three years ago or so.

Whenever I do something that I deem as less sufficent, I hate on my self, make myself fell the pain of guilt, and put myself in a general bad mood. But, on the bright side, I'm not dating someone who can't get over one certain impulse I have. Instead, he just looks at me like I'm stupid and, instead of lingering on it, moves on. I made a mistake, I did something stupid, and he calls out on it, tells me to get over myself and then moves on. Unless I do it again (and God I hope I don't), he doesn't think twice about it (or at least bring it up).

Anyways, learning to be less hard on myself and less irrational when I feel like I've made a mistake. 

On the brighter side of things, I also wanted to make a small list of important things I'm not insecure about.
-Vlegger attacking BYU
- My body/weight/looks/hair (Admittadly, the lack of care about my hair can get me in trouble sometimes)
- Finding accepting friends at BYU
- Hang gliding
- Going on a week long vacation with my half-Asian
- My mad skills with board games
- My love of pokemon
- Losing my best friends
- Getting kicked out of BYU
- Losing my half-Asian to his ex

I'll end it here. But, the list could go on for a while. Point is, I may be insecure about some things. But there are many more things that I'm not.

Judging by the two mini lists I made, I think I'm a normal person! With normal insecurities.

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