This is my first time writing on a blog..... Ever. I wish I could say that I had some clue of what I was doing here, but in all honesty I don't. I'm not usually an open book...in fact if you were to ask anybody that knows me they would tell you I was the exact opposite. With that said I am trying to be more open and what better place than here. I don't know where to start or how to introduce myself. So I'll start from where it gets Interesting.
It was October 8th 2013. Five days after my 25th birthday. I remember waking up that morning with no hope. Like every ounce of happiness and ability to rationalize and look towards a better future had been stolen, robbed in my sleep. I sat in bed that morning and contemplated the question William Shakespeare so brilliantly approached in Hamlet. "To be or not to be". I don't remember much after that thought. Looking back I can remember choosing to take my life but I don't remember the selling point. The straw that broke the camels back. What I do remember is waking up in the hospital with nothing. No feelings towards anything or anybody. I remember being overwhelmed with emotions of helplessness, loneliness, being scared, mad, confused, and yet....I felt nothing. I remember the looks on my family's faces as they stood over me asking me questions I knew I wouldn't be able to answer. However, of all the things I remember...the one thing that sticks out is remembering the relief that over came me as I came to the realization that I had been given a second chance. At that moment the deciding factors to take my own life did not seem relevant or important. At that moment I knew things were going to change. That I was going to change. That day I cowardly came out to my family. At the age of 25 I was finally admitting who I was. Not only to myself but to family. To make a long story short my family was nothing short of supportive. My Mom is constantly reminding me of how happy she is I "Got Out" and strangely enough that's how I feel. Like for all these years I had been trapped in this mindset that nothing could make me better. That I was broken and worthless. After years and years of battling with myself I can happily and proudly say I GOT OUT! I have never been happier and though at times I feel down, nothing is as worse as feeling nothing.
My name is Jaimee. I'm 25 years old. I am mormon and love my religion and I'm a lesbian. I came out one month ago and if I have learned anything from my experience its that "It's All Alright". At this point in my life I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. I guess through all this rambling and mess what I'm trying to say is we are in this together.... and it will be alright.