Enlisting in the Navy is a significantly faster process than applying for an officer commission, so even though I started talking with my recruiter back in August, I’m still working on my application while the guy has finished his and started basic training. I haven’t signed any contracts, so if I were really serious about having something with him, it would still be possible. Part of me says that that’s what I should do: Leave off the paperwork, stop pestering my recruiter, and start looking at schools around where the guy will be stationed. I’ve thought it through a hundred times, and some of the possible ending scenarios are quite nice.
When it comes down to it, though, I’m not in love with him, and I would probably need to be in love with him—and know he were in love with me, which is also not the case—before I started arranging my life around him. I’m going to continue with my officer application. I hope that I’m commissioned, even though that will make this particular guy off limits.
This is something of a pattern in my life, choosing X over the possibility of a relationship. At BYU I chose to adhere to the honor code; later I chose to not date a certain friend until he came out and broke up with his girlfriend, which he didn’t do until after I’d moved to Seattle; I chose to move to NY to pursue my editing career instead of staying with the guy I was dating in Seattle; I moved to Japan to clean my palate instead of staying with the guy I was dating in NY. The point is that I guess I’m not in a frantic hurry to find The One, as it seems to me many people with Mormon backgrounds are.
Or I’m afraid of commitment? Or something?
To me this soldier situation seems like another entry in the pattern. Seeing if something with him might be awesome isn’t a priority now. Great as he is, there are other great guys. I still believe I can have it all, dream career and dream family.
The next thing is a background check. Tomorrow I’ll be plotting out every address I’ve lived at since I turned 18 (a double handful) and getting contact information for someone who knew me at each location. Plus all employers. Plus all immediate family. Then an FBI agent will talk with each of those people and make sure I’m a quality guy. They don’t kid around about this stuff.
This week I’ll think about Christmas. It’s that time of year, even in Japan.