Saturday, March 8, 2014
Marriage. Some Thoughts I Have.
First off, this is not a post about all the marriage-y things--laws and such. It's not about equality or gay rights or any of that. It's just about how I think marriage (as equated to commitment and love) is more than making a deal with someone. Don't think, however, that I do not have more to say on the marriage equality side of things--later.
I have a friend who says she might marry her boyfriend. She's young (aren't we all), which doesn't bother me when it comes to marriage. I think that people shouldn't be worried about age or anything else really if they want to spend their life with someone.
What does concern me, though, is the idea of getting married to a check-list. This guy fits every smart, funny, cute, ambitious mark that my friend could ever ask for. He seems absolutely perfect. Makes good conversation, works hard, wants kids and all that jazz that she wants, too. But when I asked her if she loved him she hesitated. She said yes, but before she said yes, she hesitated. She paused. She had to think about it.
Addie and I have been together now for about six years. If you asked me if I love Addie I would say "Fuck YES. I am so fucking in love with her that there are not words enough to tell you about it." After six years of loving each other, eating together, doting on our dog, Bootsy Wootsy, and all the things that happen in relationships, I am so fucking in love with Addie. She is the coolest, raddest person I know. I cannot imagine being with any other person in the whole entire world. So, when I see people who want to start a family and have children and start careers and include somebody in their journey of making money and changing diapers and sometimes going on vacation together, I want to know that they love each other.
Maybe it's because I came from a family with two parents who love and adore each other even now. Two people who were not afraid to show affection at home and in public. Two people who are more than happy to be alone together again. I expect marriage/committed relationships to involve two people and two people only--the two making the commitment. This means that even if a pair of people want to have some babies together, they are not getting together/married just for that purpose. They are marrying each other because they love each other beyond expression. And that if for some reason it didn't work out for them to have children, they would still be happy living and working and being together every day.
RyBread Wisdom: Don't watch television because it will rot your brain--even if there are really good tv writers out there who come up with brilliant stories based on and threading together a myriad of fairy tales. But, also, in avoiding such things, don't forget that "happy endings" (and beginnings and middles) exist--that "true love" can be a real thing and you don't have to sacrifice that moony, I-fucking-love-you-more-than-anything sort of love for financial security or for a good-business-deal sort of relationship. What I mean is, Once Upon a Time is a pretty okay TV show. But mostly, don't settle for a check-list "perfect match" if you can't say "I am so in LOVE I can't even contain myself or my joy" because love is the real purpose of life.