Sunday, June 26, 2011

Born This Way

Today I went to a fireside at the tabernacle on temple square in Salt Lake.
I drove there from work, so I got there a little late and I still wore my fire boots and nomex pants.
All that information is irrelevant though.
The point is, I went to the fireside.
I sat on the long wooden bench off to the side.
And I listened.
I listened to a man who has no sense for when to use metaphors and who doesn't know that Easter isn't about coloring eggs. He said that people like to fold their arms, puff out their chests and say "I was born this way, get over it." Then he said that we need to let Christ change us.
I don't have any problems with Christ. Or with letting Him help me become a better person.
But, I stood up. And I walked out of the tabernacle not even five minutes after I sat down.
I don't often leave meetings, even if I feel offended.
I wasn't offended.
It just wasn't the talk I needed to hear at the moment.
Because, sometimes I wonder how important the things we're born with really are.
I was born a Mormon.
I don't know if the lesbian part was there at birth, but I do know that from the day I was born I was Mormon.
Not because of some kind of destiny, or plan of God's.
But because my mom is Mormon. And I inherited all of her good genes.

There are a lot of things we're born with that we cannot change, even with Christ's help.
Blue eyes. Sure, I could put in some contact lenses, but that's just a cover-up. It's a mask that hides what's truly there.
Mormon. No matter what I choose in my life, the Mormon part of me will always be there. I cannot run from it or hide it. This isn't to say that I can't leave the church and live my own beliefs. But it will always be a part of me that I will not forget.
Lesbian. Maybe I wasn't born this way. But, considering the odds, it's very likely. My brother is gay too. He has a different father. I inherited all my mom's good genes.
Even if I married a man, had children, and lived happily ever after, I'm still lesbian. Putting things in the closet doesn't make them go away. It just makes them go crazy to the point that they starve to death or beat the door down.
I am not the type of person who starves.

No matter what anyone may say, I'm Mormon. I'm gay. And I was born this way.

Now listen to Lady Gaga because I know that's what you were hoping for with this post.


  1. I was raised mormon and it's impossible to forget your upbringing. It will always be with you, even if you try to change and live your own beliefs; but, I think it's there for the better. It makes you want to be a good person, and it's not entirely evil.

    Frankly, on the being born lesbian or not, it doesn't matter if I was born a lesbian or became because of daddy-issues or abuse or some weird conditioning ... I can't change it now. Even when I wanted to and prayed to not be gay everyday for YEARS, I couldn't change it. It's definitely not a choice.

    Love this blog. Stay strong.

  2. Thank you chpmunk :)
    Sorry, I took forever to comment back.
    I agree with the mormon part being for the better and also that it doesn't matter why I'm lesbian.