Monday, June 6, 2011

Friends Can Make the Difference

The last few weeks I've been talking a lot to my roommates. They're amazing girls. I think the thing I like most about them is how they make me feel when I'm around them.

With roommates in the past, the fact that I'm a lesbian was something that everyone skirted around very lightly. I have had a few who would talk about it very openly with me, and most of them remain my friends today. With the majority of them, however, it either became an issue in some way or something we just swept under the rug never to speak of again. Like the big giant glitter-covered rainbow-colored hippo in the bathtub that nobody wants to mention. Sometimes I was grateful for the silence, because it meant they had no plans to grab their torch and pitchforks anytime soon. But mostly I hated it. I hated never talking about it, and more so feeling like I wasn't allowed to. Feeling like everything I did was screaming at them "I like girls!" and so I needed to stop it. They knew the truth, but it felt more like they were trying to pretend it wasn't so. Wishing and hoping that it would go away I once did. I thought that was getting the good end of the "coming out" process. The fact that no one immediately said "you know you're going to hell, right?" was a huge step for me.

Then I met these girls. If it comes up it's never a big deal. We talk and joke and everything else like it's just another normal part of life. Because it is! I've noticed that it almost feels like it's not this huge thing on everyone's mind anymore. At first I thought it was like before, when people wouldn't really take it seriously. Treating it like it was some other thing that would just go away if left alone. Then I realized it's the opposite. This is a part of life, but no more than the fact that my roommate likes boys. A little different, but nothing to be scared of. It feels amazing to feel good about this part of me, that I don't think I fully accepted because I still felt I had to hide it. Now I don't. I've told other people and have found that it's not really a big deal. Not to make it sound like I'm belittling this part of myself, but the opposite. It's just another part of who I am and people are okay with who I am. And if they're not, I still have people who are and love it.

Don't give up ever. There are people who will love you for every part of you, and they are worth waiting for and finding. Life feels so good when you know you're being your true self and being loved for it.

1 comment:

  1. I want to just like this all over the place. It seems like you've reached another step in your "process" and I love it. Friends really do make all the difference. :)

    Thanks for such a good post!