Sunday, September 25, 2011


This semester I got all brand new roommates (and by all, I mean all of them are people I've never lived with before even though I already knew and loved two of them). Maybe I only really got three BRAND NEW roommates then. After two years of being "out" and two years of living with people who already knew and loved me for a few years, it was a little scary to think about coming out to three new people who share my living space.

Since I've been so busy driving back and forth between Salt Lake and Provo for work and school, I haven't really seen my roommates very much. But my few interactions with them were difficult at first. I'm not very good at being closeted. I need to have people know some certain things about me. First, they have to know that I'm a firefighter so they know just how hard core I am. Second, It is absolutely essential that we recycle whatever we can. The black can is for recycling and the red can is for trash. Third, they have to know just how much I love words and books (that was easy, all they had to do was look in my closet and on my shelves and, yeah). Fourth, they have to know that I don't like to wear clothes if I don't have to. Fifth, I'm lesbian. Sixth, everyone must do their own dishes--all it takes is a rinse and a toss into the dishwasher ( I mean really, come on now).

I think once my roommates knew a few things about me (like the recycling stuff) it wasn't too difficult for them to take in the fact that I'm lesbian. Two of my roommates told me that they had talked to each other and speculated already that I'm lesbian. I was actually really glad to hear it because that meant that me telling them wasn't some big shock that would then lead to the beginning of a new process for them. By the time I had "the talk" with them they'd already seen it coming and had already begun some sort of process on their own. That's what I get for being so open about everything on facebook and everywhere else, I guess. :)

I've been pretty lucky in terms of roommates. I've never had a problem with anyone. And as far as I know nobody has had a problem with me either. I don't discount the possibility that some had problems and never told me, but really doubt that anyone had concerns they didn't express.

I think the best way to come out to roommates or any other people who are forced into my life in some way is to just be frank about it and then assure them that they can ask any questions they want. I also like to ask that they speak to me before anyone else if they have an concerns about anything (this is especially critical because, for instance, if they went to the Honor Code office at BYU before talking to me, it might be a sticky and unnecessary situation for everyone). I try to explain my position within the LDS Church and my commitment to living the contract I put my name to when I decided to attend BYU. I think sometimes people have misconstrued ideas about what it means to be gay or lesbian or homosexual. I like to open up a clear line of communication with people I'm living with so they feel comfortable to talk about anything they don't understand or want to know more about or just want to chat about for no reason. I have nothing to hide and I actually feel better when people ask me questions because then I know they're not just jumping to silly conclusions about me that may or may not be accurate.

So far I think my roommates are pretty cool. And I feel really lucky to have some open-minded people. The world isn't as scary as I sometimes think it is. Perhaps times are changing faster than it seems.

~live your own truth~


  1. And that you are a dinosaur. In disguise. As a brontosaurus. That one's very important as well ^_^

  2. NO Erin! That's the ONE thing I NEVER tell anyone! That's why I have this disguise...
    Now you've blown my cover.

  3. I'm glad your roommates are understanding. And I'm glad you recycle. ;)