I miss you.
I miss the way we would watch the news, you in your blue chair and me in the leather one. I miss your red shag and kitchen words carpet. I miss naps on the couch. I miss the kid’s tables and the grown up table. I miss sitting at the bar, playing rummy, listening to Dixie chicks. I miss sharing a coke. I miss wood smoke. I miss how hot it would get with the heater and the stove going. I miss having my window open, listening to the people walk by outside, unaware. I miss the bridge I would cross to see them. I miss the field we played games in and slept under the stars during the summer.
I miss you.
I miss trips to Mario’s. I miss going to get a shake then going to the lake. I miss sitting on the porch swing with you. I miss going to Winco and buying more than you wanted. I miss bike rides to the park. I miss walking over to your son’s house. I miss drives to Clatskanie and Seaside, the radio blaring and Sugarland when we lost reception.
I miss it even when I shouldn’t.
I miss the fights. I miss you losing everything and blaming it on someone else. I miss the drinking and the drugs. I miss the yelling. I miss the adventure. I miss the pain, the tears, the emotion. I miss being hit and hitting you back.
I miss being real.
I miss being home. I miss my family telling it like it was. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere, knowing my place.
I miss “home”. I miss the time when things didn’t pretend to be perfect. You faced your shit and got over it. You told it like it was. You fought, you screamed, you threw a punch. You drank, you smoked. You blasted the music to drown out the pain. YOU DIDN’T PRETEND TO BE PERFECT! And I miss you so much.
Everlast- What It's Like