Guest Post by MomIsLesbian
I’m a 30+ year old woman and my Mom is lesbian. It’s no big deal. What IS a big deal is the bravery my Mom showed in leaving my Father once she realized she loved a woman more than him. That takes some guts! Especially during a time when no one talked about homosexuality and very few even understood what it was. She knew she wasn’t “normal” and she couldn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t. Hats off to Mom!
Unfortunately, we lived in the mid-west. When I was very young, no one spoke of homosexuality. As I got older the whole AIDS epidemic started opening up all sorts of unwanted discussion around homosexuality. In the mid-west it wasn’t safe to be “out”. So, I was asked to keep my Moms relationship with her partner (whom we lived with) a secret. Most of their families didn’t even know the truth. So, even at family gatherings, lips were sealed.
As I grew up, I watched, listened, and learned. I learned that even though society doesn’t view “difference” as something to accept and welcome, I certainly wanted to. I learned that when you’re different people aren’t very nice…therefore I certainly would be. I learned that when someone is condemned by society all they need is someone to accept them for who they are. I was certainly going to do that. In other words, what I learned was that society isn’t always right and I wanted to be the person my heart told me to be…which (oddly enough) went against what “society” wanted.
This is not to say that I rebelled and got involved in politics. No, I kept to myself for the most part. However, I had some awesome friends who were “different”. I put myself in cliques and positions that had a variety of different types of people. As I went into my professional life, I chose to do work that would make people think and look at who they are/how they treat others.
As an adult I live my life. I don’t keep my Mom’s secret anymore, but I don’t wear it like a badge of honor either. I support equality and I donate money to the HRC. I vote for people who are “different” if their platforms make sense to me.
On the topic of Gay Marriage
Today, my biggest concern is the legalities of my Mom’s relationship. As my 2 Moms age, I need to be able to make decisions for them. I have no legal rights to do anything for my “Step-Mom”. My Moms have no automatic legal rights to make decisions for each other. They have to carry around Power of Attorney papers and make sure they are accessible if needed. My Moms Love each other and will spend the rest of their lives together as though they were married. However, the law doesn’t recognize that and will not allow them to take care of each other the way my Husband and I will. This is a problem that needs to be fixed. I want my Moms to have the same legal and social rights that my Husband and I have.
On the topic of Sex
I watch the gay community from inside and out. I have always been able to see both perspectives. One thing that has always bothered me is that the gay community makes homosexuality about sex. The more “in your face” sex you throw at the people, the more they will rebel against that. It’s not about sex anyway. Yes, it’s about choosing who your sexual partner is, but more than that…it’s about love. It’s about loving someone deeply, having that connection and being able to show that by holding hands, kissing in the park and being there for each other as you want to be. To me, it just seems like many homosexuals are trying to push the envelope more than it needs to be pushed. Show love, not sex and I’ll bet society would be more accepting as a whole.