Today I think I want to talk about my frustrations with being a pansexual. Here’s the thing, I don’t know how to label myself, nor do I really want to label myself, but sometimes it’s easier to classify myself then to be “I’m just too dam unique to explain”. Pansexual is the easiest (and closest) to use. But me… I have this thing. I like people. A LOT OF PEOPLE. Seriously I can be interested in like five people at once. It’s crazy. But it makes sense. It’s not like I’m dating anyone so why limit myself?
Anyway that was just a pre-cursor to what I want to talk about. I like this person. No hints shall be given as to who this person is because I CAN NOT have them now. Why you may ask? Because it’s a girl. And I go to this lovely little school where that isn’t allowed. And I’m okay with that. I love the education I am receiving and I’m gonna stay here till I graduate in two years.
Once again that was just a pre-cursor. The real question I have is, how can I like girls but not be allowed to date them? I’ve never dated a girl, never kissed one, held one’s hand, or done anything intimate with a girl. So how do I say I’m attracted to females? I guess the same way I was attracted to boys before I ever dated one.
The other day (when I spoke to UVU’s sexuality class) a lady asked if I was thinking about dating and marriage. I told her no but the answer is I think of it all the time. So the FINAL question: what’s the point? My love life has to be on hold for another two years. What’s the point of saying I’m a pansexual, when I can’t show my attraction to females? What’s the point if when I meet an amazing girl I’m not allowed to take her out on a proper date?
So this is my song for the week
I Need A Doctor- Dr. Dre, Eminem, Skylar Grey
I don’t know why but lately I’ve just been listening to artists from my past. Eminem is definitely one of those artists. One of my best friends mentioned the other day that this was our theme song. It kind of made sense.