Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Drowning in my own thoughts...

Hi there everyone! It feels like it has been forever since I have posted on here but oh, it's only been a week. So this past weekend I had the chance to do something that I have never done before; I went dancing at a gay club. It was honestly a total blast and I had a great time. I rode up with a bunch of friends from USGA (BYU's LGBT group of awesome-ness) and within like 20 minutes I felt totally alienated... I am apparently totally alone within the group even though it is where I thought I would feel as if I belonged.

I am mormon folks and that's just the way it is. I believe in romance, sex after marriage, raising a traditional family, etc etc etc. I have the mormon ideals engrained into my being and those are things that I am not going to give up. Well as we drove it rapidly became apparent that I am the only person who is still a virgin and stands firm in my beliefs, even if they are old fashioned.

Then there was a group of us guys all hanging out at a mutual friends house and we began to talk about crazy crap. Well I was yet again the only virgin in the room. I don't really care that they have had relations; really it doesn't phase me, but I just wish I wasn't the only one who held close to the mormon beliefs. There are multiple guys in USGA who are returned missionaries and still wear garments but are grinding it out with men on the dance floor and are only too willing to share all their explicit sex stories. Why am I alone here?

I am beginning to even wonder if I will be able to find someone who is like me. I need someone who will love me for my odd habits, unique tricks, and childish fantasies. I don't want someone who will date me just because I have a dick... if you want to screw than go find some other horny bastard to screw, not me. I want a relationship, not a one night stand.

Are there any other gay romantics out there or am I a lone island in a sea of horny men?

1 comment:

  1. You're not alone in the LGBTQ community, Nathan. I'm very Mormon, and also bi. And I can't wait to find a man who shares my values, my beliefs, and my commitments, and who also accepts and loves me for my quirks and passions. I can't wait to be a mother and raise kids with such a man. I haven't had success in love yet, but there are a lot of awesome people out there. When I start to doubt my romantic ending, it helps to remind myself that I'm one of those awesome people and that's bound to lead to something, some time. Being a bi girl, I can't speak for the gay guys, but I know that for my close friends (of all orientations / genders) and me, it's very much about the romance rather than the sex. And, really, the sex will come with a meaningful relationship and be (in my opinion) ten times better than it could have been otherwise. So why settle?