So I’d like to tell of an adventure I had two nights ago. I had just failed my last final when I got invited to 80’s night: a night of crazy outfits and dancing at a club in SLC. So of course I went (which is why I am writing this Saturday morning and posting retroactively). Now some more background info on me to understand this. I LOVE DANCING! But not alone. I don’t go dancing by myself. I feel like it would totally be lame so I usually go with this one particular friend. She gets hit on A LOT and hates it. So I always feel the need to keep a look out for creepers and warn her if any spot her. But this night I didn’t have to do that, (though I still love dancing with you girl if you are reading this!) I could just zone out and completely lose it (as I do when I dance). So when got there and all split up, it was cool to be alone. I could dance like a freak because no one I knew was watching. IT WAS AWESOME! Anyway so back to 80’s night. I’m dancing, totally achieving dance flow when this guy tries to put his arms around me. I delicately give him the shove but he keeps dancing in front of me. And I was cool with it. We laughed at the music and had a good time but after a while he asks me if I didn’t like dancing with him. WHAT? I let you stay there didn’t I? I didn’t run away? I was having a good time. But apparently because I didn’t want to grind with some dude whose name I didn’t even know, I didn’t like dancing with him. Men: so touchy, so needy. Anyways. After this I went back on merry way, alone.
Alone. Usually I hate being alone. I feel like no one wants to be around me, or call me, or text, or email. Just totally alone. Even now with my roommate gone for break I should be totally happy. I get my room all to myself, I blast my music, I don’t pick up after myself. I should be totally enjoying all of this. But I’m not. In fact, I’m moving to my work in a few days just to be around people.
So the confusing mess I’m left with is why was I so happy alone at the club and not alone at my apartment and the conclusion I came to was that I chose to be alone at the club. I was the one leaving, not the other way around. I hate being left (abandonment issues are so not fun).
So… How do I apply this to my love life? Or better yet stated my lack-of-love life. I hate being without a significant other. Why? Because I didn’t choose this. There are plenty of guys I am into. Plenty of guys I have asked out and made known I was into them. And I’ve never had a boyfriend (unless you count the two in elementary school who coincidentally both happen to be happily gay now, but I don’t, it was elementary school). But either way how do I even know that having someone who likes me will even make me happy? How can I know if the grass is greener on the other side when I’ve never hopped the fence? Who knows if I even like green grass!!!????
Dilemma: no significant other
Solution(s): (1) find a significant other or (2) choose my loneliness
Well I tried number one. Total fail. And after watching He’s Just Not That Into You I’m tempted to keep trying. And I probably will keep being pathetic.
But I guess I just need to choose to be alone. Or at least pretend like this is my choice. Maybe it’ll be like dancing and I’ll realize I actually like it a lot better. Who knows? (Seriously, if you have a solution COMMENT) Anyways…
That’s my rushed post for the week. Sorry I don’t have something more awesome or profound but next week we can talk about how I hate Christmas even though I am Christian and it can be awesome! Love you guys and have a great break for all you college folk!
Oh… I almost forgot Song Of The Week
Two, one for each solution
Keep waiting for my Superman by Taylor Swift
Or go have fun with Cindy Lauper at 80’s night!