So I’d like to tell of an adventure I had two nights ago. I had just failed my last final when I got invited to 80’s night: a night of crazy outfits and dancing at a club in SLC. So of course I went (which is why I am writing this Saturday morning and posting retroactively). Now some more background info on me to understand this. I LOVE DANCING! But not alone. I don’t go dancing by myself. I feel like it would totally be lame so I usually go with this one particular friend. She gets hit on A LOT and hates it. So I always feel the need to keep a look out for creepers and warn her if any spot her. But this night I didn’t have to do that, (though I still love dancing with you girl if you are reading this!) I could just zone out and completely lose it (as I do when I dance). So when got there and all split up, it was cool to be alone. I could dance like a freak because no one I knew was watching. IT WAS AWESOME! Anyway so back to 80’s night. I’m dancing, totally achieving dance flow when this guy tries to put his arms around me. I delicately give him the shove but he keeps dancing in front of me. And I was cool with it. We laughed at the music and had a good time but after a while he asks me if I didn’t like dancing with him. WHAT? I let you stay there didn’t I? I didn’t run away? I was having a good time. But apparently because I didn’t want to grind with some dude whose name I didn’t even know, I didn’t like dancing with him. Men: so touchy, so needy. Anyways. After this I went back on merry way, alone.
Alone. Usually I hate being alone. I feel like no one wants to be around me, or call me, or text, or email. Just totally alone. Even now with my roommate gone for break I should be totally happy. I get my room all to myself, I blast my music, I don’t pick up after myself. I should be totally enjoying all of this. But I’m not. In fact, I’m moving to my work in a few days just to be around people.
So the confusing mess I’m left with is why was I so happy alone at the club and not alone at my apartment and the conclusion I came to was that I chose to be alone at the club. I was the one leaving, not the other way around. I hate being left (abandonment issues are so not fun).
So… How do I apply this to my love life? Or better yet stated my lack-of-love life. I hate being without a significant other. Why? Because I didn’t choose this. There are plenty of guys I am into. Plenty of guys I have asked out and made known I was into them. And I’ve never had a boyfriend (unless you count the two in elementary school who coincidentally both happen to be happily gay now, but I don’t, it was elementary school). But either way how do I even know that having someone who likes me will even make me happy? How can I know if the grass is greener on the other side when I’ve never hopped the fence? Who knows if I even like green grass!!!????
So…
Dilemma: no significant other
Solution(s): (1) find a significant other or (2) choose my loneliness
Well I tried number one. Total fail. And after watching He’s Just Not That Into You I’m tempted to keep trying. And I probably will keep being pathetic.
But I guess I just need to choose to be alone. Or at least pretend like this is my choice. Maybe it’ll be like dancing and I’ll realize I actually like it a lot better. Who knows? (Seriously, if you have a solution COMMENT) Anyways…
That’s my rushed post for the week. Sorry I don’t have something more awesome or profound but next week we can talk about how I hate Christmas even though I am Christian and it can be awesome! Love you guys and have a great break for all you college folk!
Oh… I almost forgot Song Of The Week
Two, one for each solution
Keep waiting for my Superman by Taylor Swift
Or go have fun with Cindy Lauper at 80’s night!
Okay, Dupree, really you oughtto read this lovely post and more importantly you MUST watch the video.
ReplyDeleteHow To Be Alone
It isn't a matter of pretending that it's your choice to be alone. If you want a significant other then go ask someone out. It's really that simple. You go on dates til you find someone that you like who likes you back and then they become significant. Or something.
BUT, in my personal experience, the only time you'll really find a significant (magnificent) other is when you are comfortable with yourself and happy to be along, living life for YOU and for no one else. That's when you'll really be ready to love someone--it takes finding yourself and loving yourself first.
You're on the right path. Keep going :)
I agree with TA Demings, and I know just how you feel because that was me two months ago. I'm still single (always have been) and do want a boyfriend, and I'm working on that. And I have abandonment issues too, since many of my friends are married or have moved on in some way. Those feelings aren't fun and make it tough to be alone.
ReplyDeleteBut I've learned that spending time on my own can be very meaningful. It lets me sit and think or day dream without losing focus. It gives me the flexibility to work on my hobbies and goals, and become the sort of person who will attract the man I dream of. It can be downright relaxing too, and I've learned that I can throw pretty sweet one-person spa nights or movie parties. And if I ever feel lonely, I can always visit a friend or go and volunteer somewhere, and just enjoy being around other people.
Oscar Wilde once wrote that "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." And being alone honestly provides a perfect way to love, and spoil, and become comfortable with yourself. At least, that's how it's been for me this semester. Just keep up the dance parties, girl, and it'll get better! It did for me, even though nothing in my love life changed in the slightest.