Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Turkey Day Frustrations

My sister's name: Sal

My sister's husband name: Sam

My relationship with Sal before I told her I was gay: Good

My relationship with Sam before I told him I was gay: Decent/Okay

My relationship directly after I told them I was gay: Great

My relationship now with Sal: Strained

My relationship now with Sam: Great

I mean, don't get my wrong. Sal is totally accepting I'm gay. Totally. Everything is fine. I mean, she says I don't have to be Mormon. I don't have to be straight. Sal even wants to hear about my dates with my half asian. And then, something clicked with her. I'm going to BYU. I signed an honor code. I shouldn't be dating men. I shouldn't be not Mormon. Hell, I should even quit BYU for destroying my integrity. And this is just the start.

Sal. "You know, mom has a reason to be upset you're gay. She wants to spend the rest of eternity with you, and you're choosing to not let that happen. She isn't getting what she wants." (Paraphrased)

Me. "..." (Not paraphrased)

Sal. "You're not my responsibility. My kids are though. And if one of my kids tells me their gay, I would have major problems. I want my kids to be in heaven with me. And their choice wouldn't let them be there with me." (Paraphrased)

Me. Well F*** you! (Not really said, but clearly how I felt.)

Oh. I hate contention. So, I didn't respond. Just sat back, played with her baby, gave him the love he would deserve no matter who this 3-month year old turns out to be. And listening to Sal, telling me how conditional love can be. I'm not a romantic person. I don't believe in unconditional love. But I still can't understand, I can't respect, what she is saying.

Sal goes to bed. I'm wrapped up in the book I brought. And Sam emerges from the bedroom to play games with me (Carcassonne, Word Press ect.) and to talk. He abruptly apologizes for his wife's behavior.  And he respectfully disagrees with her. Maybe he just said this stuff because I was winning all the games we played (an uncommon, but not rare, occurrence) but I think he meant it. I think I'm the same to him before and after. Thank God someone in this family of mine understands and isn't feigning/trying tolerance.

And for the record, being gay IS NOT A CHOICE. Get over it people. It simply isn't.

Short summery of my family now at this point.

Father; Knows I'm gay and largely ignores it. Relationship remains the same.

Mother. Knows I'm gay and is trying to understand. Feels like it is my right to tell everyone in the family and is prone to jumping the gun and telling people before I can. But she is trying.

Five siblings who know. Two don't care, two believe it is a choice I'm making, and one is like my father; she largely ignores it.

One sibling doesn't know. He professes his hatred of gay people. Apparently, we are the stem of all problems in America. And no one has/will tell him. Because he is a bigot, which, ironically, is a more likely cause for America's problems.

Also, I didn't post last week. If I had, though, the post would have gone something like this...

Half asian is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I want this. I want this because I'm happy with him. And don't tell him, but I have got this wonderful date planned next week of which I need several females to help me set up. And it's going to be awesome :)


  1. Auuuugh. That sounds so incredibly frustrating. Auuuuggghhhh. I'm really sorry : ( I'm glad you're happy with your significant otter though : ) Wishing you the best!

  2. You handled the situation well, and I'm glad everything else is well for you! God bless her children if any of them are LGBT. At least an awesome dad and uncle will be there for them.

    Half asian? Lol interesting blog name for your beau.