Wednesday, January 23, 2013

How Far Out Of The Closet Am I?

Let's make a bunch of little stories really quick.

First, an old FHE sister of mine keeps asking leading questions about whether or not I'm gay. But, frustrating to probably both of us, she won't ask the question directly and I won't answer the question.

A different old FHE sister of mine talked to me about how much she hates the church's view on homosexuality and she's so glad that I've given her details about my half-asian. (But really, it wasn't much).

I was home with half-asian when one of my roommates walked in on us causally holding hands. I'm only 60% sure he saw us... but, regardless, he didn't say anything.

A different roommate asked about who I'm dating (it's obvious that I am, with all the valentine's day prep). I just said someone from Salt Lake and he asked "who's the girl?" and then quickly corrects himself and says "or guy. I'm openminded." Still not sure if he knows or was just making a joke.

My final roommate must know I'm gay. After all the flirting me and half-asian did last semster, I'd be almost disappointed if he didn't know.

Dupree's roommates know.

All my old roommates know.

Everyone I worked with last semster knows. Hell, they even help plan some of the dates that I went on.

Everyone I do game nights with knows.

Everyone from Aspen Grove knows.

A whole apartment full of females from my ward know. (You tell one, you've told them all)

In fact, I'm pretty sure at least half of everyone I associate with know that I'm gay. I think I'm more out of the closet then I once thought.

And I think I'm okay with it.

I'm comfortable with myself. I now realize that Utah culture has far more sub-cultures than I thought. People seem to instinctivly know who not to tell. I mean, yes, I know there is still risks. But I don't think it is as risky as I use to think.

I'm still not going to wear signs around campus or tell people I'm dating a man. But what I will do is surround myself with only the best people there are and continue on, being me. Sometimes being who I want to be, but mostly, just being me.


  1. My roommates are way cool though :P

  2. Yeah... I'm pretty sure all your roommates know. I had another gay roommate who thought he was being sneaky, but, everyone knew; he was terrible at hiding it. It's just weird as a roommate at BYU (you're at BYU, right?) to know how to respond because just knowing about someone else you feel some tension around it because you want to be supportive but don't know how supportive you should be, and also--and more importantly--you don't know how important it is to the guy that he think you don't know.

    1. Wait... are you implying that I'm terrible at hiding it? Or that I don't care? haha. Either way...