Juju

I believe in Karma. I believe that when you put good juju vibes into the universe, the universe will present you with more good juju vibes back.

So over break I was tempted with something bad. Something I knew was wrong and degrading to my integrity. Something I knew would totally mess up my juju vibes. But I did it anyway. And my karma has been shot to hell since.

My phone broke. My car broke. I was quickly running out of groceries and staple toiletries. I had to ask people for help (I really do hate that) and life was just stressful. I wasn’t signed up for the class I needed and so I was missing things and it was just this big glob of mess and all I could think about was how I had messed up my karma and how dumb that was of me. I’ve essentially been kicking myself in the arse since Christmas.

The bottom of the barrel had arrived two days ago. I got a letter stating that my endorsement could be withdrawn. I had to meet with the Bishop. I essentially just crumpled to the floor. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was trying so hard and it just kept coming. I wanted nothing more than to let them kick me out so I could run home to my mommy and be done with this place. I was so beyond tired. I even toyed with the idea of suicide but tried to keep it at bay.

But that was the bottom of the barrel. It has to be. I can’t keep serving a punishment for this. And today my car started working again. I was finally able to put food in my cupboards (there are only so many variations of eggs and bread and ramen that I can stand) and get my phone working again. I got an iPod and I’m starting to get over this cold. I have all weekend to work on homework and best of all I called my bishop and he seemed happy to work with me.

The moral of this story: don’t screw with your juju.