Monday, January 28, 2013

Why You're Single

We all have those friends. Or maybe you are that friend. You know exactly who I'm talking about. It's the friend that longs for love, a relationship, something meaningful to fill the void in their life. Every cup of coffee or meal with this person, the conversation eventually turns into "I'm so single. I wanna be in love soooooooo much. It won't happen for me though. I'm [insert degrading adjective here]."

In many instances, I have been that friend. Waiting, wishing for the right opportunity to come along. Looking at my surroundings and wondering what's wrong with me and what I need to fix. For some people, maybe there are issues that can be overcame now as a single person, and when an opportunity comes along, you'll be that much more ready for it. For some, these notions of something wrong with us are fallacies we use to degrade ourselves and convince ourselves we're anything but worth it.

Maybe my longest romantic relationship in my 20 years on this planet was 3 months. Maybe I do have a lot to learn about myself, not to mention romance and what it means to connect with another person on that level. But I do know this: I've seen heterosexual couples, I've seen same-sex couples. I've seen super skinny & super fit people be single, and I've seen fuller figured people in relationships. I've seen young love, I've seen old love. I've seen people consciously "play the game" and succeed, I've seen people who didn't even try and found the love of their life. None of it matters. There comes a point where I just accept that despite the hours of theorizing and postulating about how love chooses whom to infect, there's no telling. And until we have it in our lives, there's nothing we can do but keep pushing onward, putting our best faces forward, and bettering ourselves so that we may be happier, for ourselves first and then for whoever happens to stumble into our lives .

"Why You're Single by Amanda Crute

You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.

You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.

You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.

You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.

You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.


  1. I hope this does not sound too trite to you because I know that it sounded trite to me - love will come when you least expect it. That was the experience of many of my friends. It was my own experience. Best wishes.

    1. I've definitely heard that before and find it applicable to many situations. Thank you for commenting!

  2. That's a good way to look at things. I'm a big fan of living your life as it is now and not rushing around trying to find someone. There are some really excellent perks to being alone--for example, my sister deeply regrets not having traveled more before she found love and started a family; now she can't pick up and see the world.

  3. Is it sad that this post kind of makes my heart melt? One of the things I hate the most is when people are insecure about themselves. I don't hate the person, I hate the situations that make them insecure. Relationships, high expectations, anything.

    Anyways, I say enjoy being single! It's the best!

    1. I hate when perfectly good people begin to feel inferior/insecure when these kinds of situations happen. It can be pretty unfair sometimes.