Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter and Marriage

Easter this year included not only egg hunts and bunnies, but also the beginning of a brand new relationship.
One of my friends married the love of her life. Legally. That one word might not be a big deal to most people, but it is to some.

I got to see my lovely friend Lisa marry her sweetheart Sarah in Vermont (which is gorgeous btw). Marriage in Vermont is defined as between two adult persons. Don't you just love Vermont? :)

Too bad though that if Sarah and Lisa leave Vermont to live somewhere else, it's likely that their marriage won't be recognized at all anyway. But, they'll be staying, which might continue to give me excuses to visit the other side of the country. I wish I had some pictures to show everyone--gorgeous. Both wore white dresses and looked absolutely stunning.

I've been thinking a lot about marriage this weekend what with the wedding and all. Sometimes I think it'd be great to have a fancy wedding complete with punch bowls, live band, and a dance floor. It'd be great to share with everyone what Addie and I have. To laugh and dance and be with family and friends all for the purpose of celebrating our love for each other. A moment where all our loved ones can join together in seeing the amazing adventures to come in our lives. An excuse to dress up fancy and maybe even have my hair done (okay, maybe that's a little too extravagant...although I know my sister would LOVE to do my hair). We'd make vows to love each other forever even though we both already feel the love and promises won't mean anything. And we'd exchange rings together with Addie's little brother as the ring bearer and her little sister as the flowergirl.

But, even though my friends (like Lisa and Sarah) can have fancy weddings and happy celebrations, sometimes things just seem complicated. At least when it comes to making such celebrations bigger than just the two of us. What if people don't really want to celebrate with us? Maybe I worded that wrong. I know there are people who would love to celebrate. And if we ever do a big crazy-ass party you're all invited! But there's her family, for one. Marriage isn't legal, although that's not really an excuse, is it?

Even when I think about how there's not much stopping us, there's still something. Maybe it's that I don't want a traditional party like regular old heteros? Maybe I don't want the tradition, even though part of me does? Maybe I'm unsure about who we'd invite or who would come or who disappoint me the most by not coming... What do you think? Do you want a wedding--complete with white dresses (or tuxes), champagne, cake--the whole shebang? Do you want the marriage part, the legal papers? Or do you just want the family and the friends? And if you had a party, would they come? Would you be disappointed over someone NOT showing up?

RyBread Wisdom: Wedding celebrations (or celebrations of any kind, really) must always include dancing.


  1. YES!! dancing! I LOVE dancing. ask anyone. And by anyone, I mean anyone who knows me... :)

    I have a really good friend who, when she met my lovergirl, told me I better invite her to the wedding. I adore this friend to pieces, and I had to tell her how I don't believe in that weird? Because I just don't. It's just a religious thing which, like everything else these days, has turned political. I have very little respect for the term. My friend then asked if we were going to have a party. I think we might. What When Where How and Who are still to be decided. At least we've got the Why already figured out :)
    I admit though, I have some of the same hesitations about family and even friends. And if/when we have a celebration I don't know how big it will be...

  2. I like the idea of a celebration. A moment to share vows and express my love to someone in front of everybody. A day to mark on the calendar. I'm a sucker for tradition and yes I am one of those girls who planned out their wedding as a child. But I don't know anymore. And it's not because I discovered I'm pansexual, it's because almost every marriage I've seen has fallen to shit. I do however want the rights and benefit that would come with having a legal partner, I want to know that when I'm not able to make my own decisions, someone I love will be there to make them for me.
    I guess that was drawn out but yea... I think I do want a wedding of some sorts. To be able to say this is my wife or husband.
    And on another subject being pansexual means that the future is really open. If my "soulmate" happens to be a man, that's okay, if she turns out to be a woman, I'm okay with that too :)
    And yes... There should ALWAYS be dancing :D

  3. That's really interesting, Tiff...I've kind of been mulling the whole marriage thing over in my head lately, as well. We got married without a license (because when it comes down to it, marriage is between you and your partner...the state has no place in it), but sometimes I wonder if it even makes sense at all.

    1. Lisa!! I like the idea of celebrating. I think life should be celebrated. And love especially. I think I just don't know how I personally want to celebrate it. Because, really, my lover girl and I have been celebrating our love together in our own ways almost since the day we met... We're going to celebrate our one year anniversary in a very special way this summer that's just for the two of us, but I think a part of me wants others to join in some way. I want to share my love with everyone I know. But I don't want to do it the traditional way with regular wedding type stuff. I just want people to share in the joy of my relationship. Maybe we should reform love parties?

    2. I think it makes sense if it means something to you and your partner. For a lot of people it is a big way to show the level of your commitment and love. So just because it means nothing to the state (or to anyone else for that matter), doesn't mean it's totally pointless.

  4. Here I am again...I just realized that I actually wrote a post about weddings on this very blog about nine months ago...

  5. I think that whatever you each want to do, you should be able to do that with lots of support and love from people who are important to you. I didn't want a big wedding and was happy with just a small dinner afterwards and then running off to a hotel (because I'd been a pretty good mormon girl and the honeymoon sounded better than a party). But my sister wants a huge party with dancing and food and lots of people. Whatever you wish for, I wish that for you, too. And I hope that no one tries to stand in the way of your happiness.

  6. I've wondered about a love party myself, some way to celebrate, with friends and family, the beauty of love and the joy I find in it. But I can't picture how said party would go down or who would be there. I feel like, if I were to invite the usual family/friends that are invited to a wedding-type event, there would be a lot of mixed feelings because, at this point in the game, I don't feel that most of my family is capable of really sharing in the joy. Maybe they could. I don't know. And having planned a real wedding once, I can say I don't want it to be anything like that. I'm not trying to fit into social expectations about what love should look like, which is maybe why I hesitate with the whole party thing sometimes. But I think celebrating is important. And a whole lot of fun. I just want to do it my way. :)

  7. I've been planning my wedding for the better part of two decades. I want one. I honestly want the whole shebang. I'm thinking that the invitation list will probably be drastically shorter than it once would have been but it is still something I want. If nothing else, I want it for me and for whomever I end up with. And yes, there will be dancing. Lots of it!