Monday, April 16, 2012

SEX!!! - That's What Being Gay is ALL About, Right?

For years, I struggled with the idea of coming to terms with my sexuality because I had always heard how rife the gay world was with lascivious sexual activity.  After all, if you were a gay man, you were guaranteed to get AIDS and, of course, that was godly punishment for your sins and the sins of the gay community at large.  

Being a child of the ‘80s, it’s easy to see why, looking back, coming out is so terrifying for men my age and older. Honestly, religion aside, I can remember riots, protests, and parades flashing across our old tube televisions in the name of gay rights.  These memories are as clear to me as were the bomb drills in elementary school at the tail end of the Cold War. Some of my earliest childhood memories are filled with fear and the literal idea that I was going to be destroyed by nerve gas or the ‘homosexual disease.’

I remember elementary teachers making comments like, “If the Russians don’t destroy this country, the fags will.”  To this day, two decades later, I abhor the term ‘fag’ for this reason. 

Similarly, I remember my dad berating the Red Cross for asking on their questionnaire whether or not he, as a male, had “had sexual contact, even once, with another man” before he could donate blood - every time! As a result, he would go on for what seemed like hours, sharing his plans to ship all the fags to a desert island and leave them to die.

You see, it was a win-win scenario: all the men could screw like bunnies and kill each other off (because they were all going to die of AIDS anyways) while the rest of the world could live in peace, absent the fear of contracting the world’s most dangerous and destructive disease. To top it all off, the world would be free of the gay agenda and all of its associated propaganda.

As I grew older, and became increasingly more aware of my own sexual identity, I began to look towards my future with a renewed sense of fear and trepidation.  Any time I saw anything to do with ‘the gay lifestyle’ it was plastered with sex.  The AIDS Epidemic was all but over and the homosexual revolution was well into its return. It seemed like news stories from across the country and globe sounded the gay siren call back to sexual liberation. “Look at us, we figured out how to stymie the transmission of HIV, we can reopen the saunas and bath houses. Free condoms for everyone, hooray!”

Today, decades later, the general population still views homosexuals as deviant fiends who never get enough sex.  Everyone seems to think if we gays aren’t out dancing in our underwear at the local discotheque, we are in the bathroom blowing each other through glory holes.

Well, I’m here to tell you that we are not all muscle gods who sleep with anything and everything that walks.  We have not all contracted HIV, nor are we all dying of AIDS. We aren’t pedophiles and we don’t secretly want to take advantage of our grandparents’ farm animals.

We are regular, everyday people with the same-strength sex drives as our heterosexual counterparts. The difference between gay and straight people, when it comes down to sex, is merely this: preference.  I prefer a man with a little scruff just as my straight best friend prefers brunettes with large breasts.

To those who accuse us of making it “all about sex,” I challenge you to look at mainstream media and quantify the amount of heterosexual activity on screen, in magazines, and on TV. I promise you will see a vast majority of straight sexualization in the media versus that of the attention and focus on homosexual activity.

Sure, there is a sexual adolescence that many gay men and women go through when they come out. It’s almost like we’re making up for lost time.  The reality of it is that our experiences are no different in principle than horny teenagers who get to act out their sexual impulses without fear of condemnation from family, friends, and society - we just have to wait a few extra years.

Sex is a part of the human condition and I celebrate it in all of its forms.  Whether you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or straight, I celebrate your individuality and I encourage the responsible expression of your sexual identity.  Love yourself, love others,and express your love and passion with someone who loves and respects you, too.


  1. I like your point about hetero-sex. I mean it is EVERYWHERE! But people seem to think that all homosexuals do is have sex? What? O.o And what is so wrong with sex? We need to be more open about it (big shout out to Ry right about now). Girls are getting pregnant all the time because no one will talk to them about sex until they are pregnant... It's a strange society we live in.

    1. I was walking down Bourbon Street in Louisiana last week and the Hustler gift shop's slogan was, "Relax, It's Just Sex." A few years ago, I would have been appalled and disgusted by the sign and the slogan. Now, I just look at it and nod in agreement. Religion demonizes sex in one breath and then applauds it with the next. It's truly no wonder why we are all so screwed up by the time we get to screw, you know?

  2. "horny teenagers who get to act out their sexual impulses without fear of condemnation from family, friends, and society"
    What society did you grow up in? Because that is NOT at all what mine was like. Even if you were straight it didn't mean you could act on sexual impulses without condemnation... Although, I admit that straight sex among young people or anyone in my society is viewed in a completely (more acceptable) light than gay anything...

    Amen to this post.

    1. I agree with you and I should probably have been more specific. But, as we all know, I'm not usually one for short posts and I felt as though my time was quickly expiring.

      To respond here, though, I think there is a difference between cultural and social acceptance. Socially, heterosexual expression of affection and love are acceptable for all ages - even young teenagers in Utah.

      Culturally, though, in Utah and Mormondom, sexual expression is frowned upon unless a married-in-the-temple couple is multiplying and replenishing the earth. But, at least a heterosexual teenage couple can show affection without fear of retribution (as long as they are at least 16) whereas a gay teenage couple still get's spit on and the shit kicked out of them in our high schools.

      It's sad but I do believe it gets better. At least by the time gays are old enough to express PDAs, they are older and may feel the need to make up for lost time. That make sense?

      If not I'm tired and I'll have to try again later.

    2. I get what he is saying here. In my high school people had sex. I feel bad that it wasn't something taken more seriously but even I looked at it like it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't until I joined the Church that I realized that I should probably wait till marriage.

  3. Another great post, MJ! I see this as yet one more stereotype people have about homosexuality. I'm not sure why some people associate "gay" with "illicit sex". I think the AIDS epidemic perpetuated that stereotype - although that was filled with all kinds of misinformation and uneducated assumptions as well. Heterosexual sexual images permeate our society - everything from cars to hamburgers are sold using sex. Do people not see that because it's become such a norm that we don't notice it anymore? You bring up a lot of good points in this post.

    This past weekend I watched a few episodes of "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer" with my husband. There's a lesbian couple who had been broken up, and get back together. A few years ago I might have thought their relationship was kind of sensational and I might have been a little uncomfortable with it (I'm not proud of that - but my perceptions have changed greatly over the last year or so). Now, I just saw two people who loved each other. Gender didn't really even factor into their relationship for me.

    Now I'm not sure exactly what my point was - but I think as more people are open about their orientation, and all of us straight people start realizing that our gay friends pretty much want the same things the rest of us do, maybe some of the stereotypes will diminish. I hope so.

    1. Thanks, Tiffany. So many stereotypes, so few blog entries, right?

      I remember the lesbian couple in Buffy. I also remember the guest appearances by "Angel" were my favorite episodes... Fortunately he's had his own fair share of TV series... ;)

    2. Mmmm...."Angel." Yes, there's a reason "Bones" has been one of my favorite shows. Great acting, right? :)

    3. Hmmm, WONDERFUL acting. And trees. Trees everywhere.