“I breaking up with you, BYU. We’ve had this tremulous relationship of a lot of back and forth and now I’m just fed up and done. I’m sorry BYU, it’s not you. You’re great. So many people love you. But I thought that if I came here I would change and “be good”. I don’t want to be good. I want to be me. I want to be free. And you just can’t provide that freedom. So buh-bye.”
…. Or so I wish I was saying. I don’t know if I’m going to leave BYU yet. I want to. But I also want to get a degree and not feel like a total failure for dropping out. And what is funny is even if I do leave BYU I would transfer to another school so I mean I wouldn’t be completely giving up… right?
So I made the decision that I would make the decision at a later date. I have a job lined up in Provo till August and then I will decide whether I want to stay or go.
But I wanted to make a list of the things I appreciate at BYU and things that I think I would have if I let. You know a pros and cons? Plus I just like making lists :P
A prestigious degree
I wouldn’t feel like a failure for giving up
Not a bad degree/career choice
Some people ;)
… And I’m sure there is more
Being able to like a girl without freaking out about the Honor Code
More hands-on degrees
Getting to go home where I was raised
… Did I mention freedom?
I just want a break, a chance to go home for more than a few days. And to not worry every freaking second if I am doing something wrong. I just want freedom. I want to be able to tell the girl I like, that I like her, without wondering if that will get me in heaps of trouble. So BYU, you’re awesome, but you’re just not for me.
will we ever say the words we’re feeling
reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
will we ever have a happy ending
or will we forever only be pretending
how long do i fantasize
make believe that it’s still alive
imagine that i am good enough
and we can choose the ones we love
every move we make
seems like no one’s letting go
and it’s such a shame
cause if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know?