Sunday, February 19, 2012

For a Woman to Be Fully Informed

I've been hearing/reading/seeing a lot about contraceptives and abortions.
Maybe some of you have heard about Obama's mandate for contraceptive coverage (if not then check out the link HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, or HERE) Basically, Obama's plan is to require free insurance coverage for birth control for women. Apparently religious freaks (excuse me, fanatics...ahem, I feel like it's a violation of their religious freedoms to be required to supply free coverage for birth control. I can only imagine what these people's views are...Probably that sex is for baby-making only (oh, and that it's the MAN's choice about when sex will happen, even though he'll most likely be a fucking bastard and leave the woman alone and pregnant with a child that SHE will have to take care of). Hmmm. There was not a single WOMAN on the witness board (take a look at the 2nd HERE), Representative Carolyn B. Maloney, Democrat of New York, asked: “Where are the women? It’s outrageous that the Republicans would not allow a single individual representing the tens of millions of women who want and need insurance coverage for basic preventive health care services, including family planning.” Why ask a woman? It's not like she's going to be the one AFFECTED by it at all.

I love a good war against religion. They're pretty devastating in the minds of religious people...probably because that's the only place they occur...

What really pisses me off about this whole thing is that these religious dudes say that it violates their religious beliefs to provide affordable contraceptives for women, or for insurance companies to provide free birth control to women--because sometimes these religious organizations have to provide insurance coverage for people (I've never heard of religions doing that, but okay, whatever). It's not like women are REQUIRED to USE the birth control. If a woman is religious and believes all this bull shit about birth control then she doesn't have to use it! What these priests and rabbis and bishops or whoever are trying to do is keep their people trapped in their stupid little religious rules. News flash, religious dudes, your ladies are going to have sex anyway (whether it's forced on her by some jackass like yourself who thinks he can run other people's lives or of her own free will). And damn, if these religious guys have their tighty-whities in a wad over contraceptives what in the world do they believe about ABORTION? Would they rather have women aborting their babies than simply using contraception and preventing those fetuses from even developing a tiny bit? Or maybe they'd rather have impoverished, single mothers struggling to take care of their children alone (because we all know few men are going to stick around to take any responsibility).

Now, if that isn't enough to tighten my jaw and make the hairs on my arms stick out all crazy, there's some law being considered about trans-vaginal ultrasound in Virgina, Texas, and Iowa. People are lovingly referring to it as Government-Sanctioned Rape. You can read about it HERE, and if you think that's already biased then maybe HERE for the bill.
(Taken from the 1st HERE)
During the debate Republican State Del. Todd Gilbert said:
“the vast majority of these cases [abortion] are matters of lifestyle convenience.” And, 

“We think in matters of lifestyle convenience and in other matters that it is right and proper for a woman to be fully informed about what she is doing.”

I agree with this statement by Todd Idiot Gilbert in one aspect. It IS right and proper for a woman to be fully informed about what she is doing--about sex, and her body, and the consequences of not using birth control. Every person ought to be informed on sex, and their bodies, and the consequences of not using birth control. But most importantly, I think that everyone needs to be taught that sex is NOT BAD. Once people understand this then it won't be a huge fucking issue about rape and abortion and STDs. People need to be informed about the feelings in their bodies, about healthy ways to release those energies, about how to respect other people, and more importantly oneself in every aspect--including sexuality.

Okay, sorry to get all political over here (not really sorry). And, to you religious people, I don't hate YOU. I just hate your religion, your beliefs, and you know, your ideas that it's okay to let women get fucked up and then make them deal with the consequences alone. :)

Rybread Wisdom
What it Takes For a Woman to Be Fully Informed: one word--COMMUNICATION.
This means that a parent who has a daughter will tell her that once she hits puberty she's gonna want to dry hump her pillow sometimes, and baby, that's OK. Not only is she going to start bleeding from the lack of egg fertilization (aka not being pregnant), she's gonna have white-ejaculation-stuff (great words, eh?) come from her vagina to lubricate it--BECAUSE OUR BODIES ARE MEANT TO HAVE SEX!
This also means that in health class (and at HOME) teachers and parents don't just talk about how she can get pregnant from having sex some-odd percent of the time. They talk about what her options are, and they need to tell her that celibacy is fucking HARD (I mean not-fucking hard?), and that if she chooses that route then good for her, but remember she still has the option of masturbation (and her pillow) and her sexuality doesn't have to be killed and locked in a closet. They need to talk about options for if she's gonna have sex, because let's face it she's gonna have sex at some point! and she shouldn't go into blind and uninformed. There are all kinds of contraceptives--condoms, the pill, the patch, those awesome things you insert into the vagina that latch onto a man's penis when he isn't supposed to be in there. . . The important thing to remember is to be prepared for it. If you're gonna have sex, make it an active, thought-out choice and protect yourself. Why don't we teach this in schools? Why don't parents think to tell their kids about this MAJOR part of LIFE? I don't have the answer to that, but I think it's time to change it (and maybe dance about it).


  1. I have a love/hate relationship with your blog posts. On the one hand I hate being classified into a group of freedom-stripping idiots (who wouldn't hate that?) but on the other it really makes me stop and think, I am like this? Thankfully for this particular issue I'm not. I've always been pro-choice (and by that I mean every individual being able to choose what they want, even beyond the sphere of abortion). And while I dislike being deduced down to a questionable person, I appreciate your honesty and you write really well.

    1. Dupree, I absolutely don't mean to deduce you to anything--and of course not a questionable person or a freedom-stripping idiot. I've had negative experiences with religion. Maybe you haven't. Maybe it works for you. But, the thing I hate most is when "religious" people try to force their "beliefs" onto an entire nation. I know that nobody is completely good and that no one person can stick exactly to what they claim to believe, but I've read too many news articles and heard too many stories about stupid religious white dudes at the top of some fucked-up hierarchy who rape women or molest children. Small mistakes are one thing--hurting other people in despicable ways does not gain my trust and will never have my forgiveness.

      I recognize that good people get trapped into horrible situations (like religion)--my Addie was one of them. But I also recognize that once those people take a step outside of their little temperature-controlled boxes they realize that that they can actually think for themselves and love who they are rather than being told what to do, think, eat/when to shop, pray, worship/who to pay, marry, be friends with, and rather than hating themselves so deeply for not measuring up to some "perfect" little model that doesn't exist. Once people get out of religion they are happier in themselves, and maybe they get a little bitter towards the fucked-up hierarchies they were a part of, but really? How can you blame them?

      I'm still not reassuring you. I respect you as a person. I may not agree with your choices to devote any portion of your life to a religion (particularly one that I've seen hurt so many people and that has even crept it's pain into my own life). BUT you are still great, and don't ever take my posts as an attack on YOU. Because they're not.

    2. p.s. thanks for the compliment about my writing :)
      and I do try to be honest. Probably that will come off very forceful sometimes, but I've go to stay true to myself. and I encourage you to stay true to yourself--whatever that is, even if it conflicts with my views of the world.

  2. Wow. I read these comments yesterday and was kind of at a loss to how I wanted to respond. I can see, very clearly, that this is something you are passionate about - and rightly so.

    As a gay/bisexual man, who also happens to be fairly religious, I hope you don't find my words to be too hollow. I want you to know THERE ARE good, level-headed, religious, right-winged men out there who are very much aware of the challenges facing women in today's society.

    I will be honest, I am pro life but let me also explain that I am very much a fan of birth control and the day-after pill. I think both should be available to every woman in our country. Also, I think that education (or communication as you put it) is paramount in preventing unwanted pregnancies. Schools - especially schools in Utah - teach abstinence as the ONLY answer and we all know that is definitely not the case. By educating BOTH young men and women on the ways to relieve sexual tension safely (because they're all masturbating furiously anyway...), and by teaching them how to effectively prevent pregnancy, there would be less of an argument against abortions.

    I think there is definitely a place for abortions in our society, too. In cases of rape and incest or when the woman's life is at risk, I think that a woman should be able to protect herself - that is truly her choice.

    However, in cases of heated passion when neither party is prepared for sex, I just assume take a trip down to the local pharmacy and fork over the 30$ for a morning after pill. Again, it all comes down to education/communication and proactive living.

    1. MJ, you're right. There are good, level-headed, religious people out there. Perhaps even men (I joke). I tend to be rather forceful with my opinions and in doing so perhaps I generalize a little too much. I don't mean to attack anyone or even the majority of the world (religious folk). It's just frustrating. Aren't we supposed to have separation of church and state? Why must the state always cater so much to religious institutions? Aren't the tax breaks enough?

      I appreciate your views on birth control and even the day-after pill. And, even if it doesn't seem like it I consider myself pro-life as well...sort of. I prefer not to really take a stand when my options are "life" and "choice". Just as I said at the end of my post, it all comes back to education. So, forgive me for changing my mind, I'm not pro-life. I'm pro-EDUCATION. I think that people have to look past the current "issue" far enough to address what's creating the problems.

      So, how do we educate people before pregnancy and abortion become a problem?

    2. There are a few of us, albeit it very few and very far between. I understand the pain that religion has inflicted on both you and Addie. Trust me. I come from the same background and I'm confident I am dealing with many, if not most of the same feelings and challenges Addie has regarding homosexuality. Sometimes religion really sucks. A lot. Like, a lot, a lot.

      Anyway, sexual education MUST begin at home. I had my first sex talk before I was five and, similarly, I had my first sexual experiences before then too. The education I had from my mother (never came from my dad) laid a good foundation on what sex was and how it fit into my family's belief structure. If more families took responsibility to educate their children and then let the public school sphere SUPPLEMENT the communication children and teens were getting at home, I think the majority of the problems surrounding this issue would be resolved.

      Frankly, though, we all know that is not going to happen. So we we need more liberals like us in the arena helping to educate the upcoming generations on what "IS is..."

      Thanks for your thoughts, love!

  3. I love the honesty of your posts, Ry. I, too, have a hard time with this particular issue...and with most issues where religious people try to force themselves on others via "politics." But you're right. Communication is the major thing that is lacking. At home. At school. I grew up in a religious world where all they ever told us was that sex was bad, evil, of the devil....They never said a damn thing about it being a natural desire, and they sure as hell never mentioned what to do if you found yourself pregnant after following these "bad" and "evil" desires. I had so many friends end up pregnant, hopeless and heartbroken. Hopeless because there was never anything said about anything, and heartbroken because now, in their little religious world, they were seen as "bad" and "evil," nothing ever been said for how natural it is to have a sex drive, heaven forbid.

    1. Thanks, Jo. It's a hard issue. That's probably why it fires me up so much. Isn't the problem always communication? and the solution: always communication?

      Political views aside, I think that if the world could have one thing, it would be a lesson on how bodies are beautiful, wonderful, and good.

    2. Couldn't agree more on that one. Women are fed too much shit about how they need to look a certain way to be beautiful/accepted/loved. We would be such a powerful force as women if we loved ourselves in our own skin, just as we are.

  4. Ry, I love the videos, first off. They were awesome and made me smile. :-) This is an interesting issue and a tough thing at times. I kinda agree with Dupree, MJ, and Jo.

    I'm terribly sorry for the times "religious" people have hurt others and especially you and those close to you. Some were probably hypocritical two-faces; others were probably just human and didn't mean to cause so much harm. We all make mistakes, after all. (Which is okay on some level, but not excusable past a certain point, of course. I definitely think it's dangerous to go around justifying everything on the basis of imperfection.) There's so much I don't know, so I can't give any insights on why religion's hurt you and those you love. I'm just sorry it has. My experience wasn't like that, and I love my church. As I've expressed in previous posts, I'm LDS myself and my beliefs and the LDS church are a huge part of my life. I'm even working for the LDS church at the moment, with Humanitarian Services to be exact, and I love my job! All in all, the church has brought me a ton of joy and I never feel trapped by my religion. I could leave or rebel whenever I wanted. As a teenager I naturally rebelled in ways. But I always know I can choose anything I want and I'm lucky to know that my family will always love me regardless of what I choose.

    I think it's hard to classify religious people, though, because it's a huge and pretty diverse group. I remember I used to get some grief from fellow students at BYU for not always fitting their stereotypical understanding of righteousness. It was over tiny things, like being a moderate democrat, being mostly vegetarian, wanting to be a doctor (and a mother), and loving to visit other churches. (I had a pretty funny conversation about loving cathedrals once.) But it helped me learn that there's nothing wrong with different perspectives and most of the time those I talked with opened up after talking to me. If they didn't, I laughed at them in my head and pitied them a bit. Regardless, I've met so many Mormons over the years who are unique and don't fit in any one stereotype. And this was especially true in the times I've lived outside of the US and met LDS members overseas. All in all, the only thing that describes all of the Mormons I've known is that they're people with human nature and longings and weaknesses and they're in some way part of the same church. And that's just one church of many, many, many.

    1. But in the case of the LDS religion and this issue, MJ and Jo are right that this is often handled imperfectly in Utah. We don't discuss enough options or ideas and teens still get pregnant, so the discussions don't solve much. Granted, teens get pregnant about everywhere and I don't know the statistics involved with Utah. But we all see the point there: communication on this could improve in Utah. The LDS church is not however strictly against birth control. It has no stance on its medical uses and simply counsels that couples decide on birth control or not for themselves. They don't really mention the option of using birth control to prevent out-of-marriage pregnancies, that's true, but I haven't heard of them getting involved to fight against this bill. I'd be a bit surprised if they did, really.

      I don't really have a blanket stance on abortion and I can see the benefits of accessible birth control for women of all ages. Benefits that extend even beyond the huge effect of preventing pregnancy (and thus preventing abortion). For instance, birth control can prevent certain types of cancer in women, regulates hormones and cycles, lessens cramping, and can lessen acne. I'm one of the many women who take birth control for medical reasons, and I have been on the pill since about 9th grade. I had friends growing up who could've been healthier and happier each month on birth control, but they couldn't afford it. And I would love to see them get on birth control. My mom was always open with me about sex and various things and I'm glad that I've always been able to talk to her about that. I'd give her an A+ on that job, especially since she was always great about just listening to me when I came to her with questions.

      I have to say though, I think it's interesting that religious groups can be singled out for trying to force their ideas on others, because, in general, it seems like everybody does that... Don't we all look at the world with our particular perspective and understanding and pretty much want people to match up with what we think they should do (whether that's going to church, or not going to church, or not commenting on who goes and who doesn't, or leading discussions on how we could all get along)?

      I dunno, I could just be crazy, (because I am crazy and know it) but I think all political groups, religious groups, social groups, and groups with an agenda of any kind are pretty much all guilty when it comes to talking to other people with an underlying assumption: that people should see things their way or live a particular way. And I'm not always sure which of the different groups is the most judgmental. Some label certain things as righteous or sinful and some use a slightly different labeling system for good and bad. But aren't the labels being attached black and white either way?

    2. Sorry, that was way too long! Your writing is beautiful, Ry.

    3. I'm sorry, but some of your comments just piss me off even more. I'm fine with people being religious and enjoying their religion...except maybe I'm not. It seems to me that religions are fake. They're just these ploys to make money and control what people do and say and think--and of course they do it all in the name of some kind of god, like that makes it OK.

      It's easy not to feel trapped by your religion when it's the only thing you've known and you've been taught that it's the right thing to do with your life and should be the source of your happiness. I've seen it so many times in my friends' lives. They grew up Catholic, or Methodist, or Mormon, or Baptist. While they were entrenched in their religious lifestyle--praying, and keeping all the commandments and rules, attending their happy little meetings and giving community service--they thought they loved their church too. But once they took a step outside their nice little religious box, they realized that they had spent their entire life working for and giving to and paying a religion that was full of lies. They hadn't made goals based on their true selves, but on all the expectations of these religions.

      I'll agree with your last paragraph. Certainly every individual wants others to see things the way they do. I don't think it's a matter of who is more judgmental than whom; rather, we are all judgmental in our own way, and we all have our own personal agenda. I think a lot of people latch onto religion because they want someone with whom to share their personal agenda, but unfortunately, in doing so they wind up losing portions of themselves in order to conform. Yes, you're right. The white christian men would call me a hater, someone trying to destroy faith and religion or something crazy like that. I call them fanatics, hypocrites, and bastards.

      oh, good for your mom. I like to hear about parents who are willing to listen and answer questions :)
      Thanks for your comment about my writing.
      And, sorry for hating on religion. As I said, I don't hate you. I just hate your religion :)

    4. Why so much hate in the world?! If you don't like religion, then don't like it. I have a feeling you'd have a hard time if someone started saying it was okay to hate all gays and lesbians because they're a selfish group of people. Why is it okay to be prejudiced towards the one and not the other? What we should ALL be striving for is understanding and respecting one another's experiences rather than telling everyone they're wrong all the time. Unfortunately, Ry, you're the exact embodiment of the thing you're fighting against. I can sense that you've had a really hard time with religious groups of people and for that, I'm really very sorry. I wish that had never happened to you. On the other hand, I feel really sorry for you that you carry this much hate towards any group of human beings. It can't be a good place to be and it certainly isn't productive in helping others to want to see your point of view. I appreciate the honesty but could certainly use a little more understanding and consideration for those who don't fall into your prescribed mold of reality.

    5. First of all, Anonymous, "religion" is not people. Yes, some of my comments may have seemed a little riled up, but I feel very strongly about political situations where MEN are making decisions for WOMEN in the name of RELIGION (or in any name for that matter). I appreciate the idea the you're trying to point out my flaws to me (as though I'm not already largely aware of them). I also want you to know that your comment was very well written (something I don't see all the time on the internet). It's an interesting sentiment, however I am NOT the exact embodiment that I'm fighting against. Did you read my post? I'm fighting against a corrupt government in which the upper class white male species makes decisions for all females. I am okay with people practicing their religion and living their beliefs until it affects me, my friends, my family, my community. No, I don't like religion. But that's my choice, and I'm sorry if I've offended you with my word choice.

      I'd really like to know what you think of the post. How do you feel about contraceptives? About MEN making decisions that WOMEN should be making? About abortion? About sex education?

      I seem like I hate so much because I care about these issues. Tell me what you care about. What makes you angry or gets you worked up?

      If you're religious then maybe you'll appreciate this quote: "If you can hate the sin but not the sinner, then I can hate the belief and not the believer."

      I love people. And I said many times that I don't hate the people or the individuals. I just hate the religion--the beliefs.

      And one last thing: you can think whatever you want about the selfish gay people. Your choice. :)

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Note on the above, I made it shorter.

      Sorry, Ry, I didn't mean to piss you off. I'd never do that on purpose. I know I can be annoying though, so my bad. And I give myself a C- for writing so much. I promise to shut up more, and just keep posts brief. I do listen, for sure, and I'll ease up on explaining the other side. I don't wanna bug ya.

      Something that's occurred to me in the last two days is that there's no way to be un-biased about religion and no way to make a post about religion that everybody will agree with, because everyone has different experiences. But I'm also not sure that religion on it's own or atheism or any other takes on spirituality will ever be "all" a person knows or doesn't know. This is one huge part of life, but still just one huge part. For those on this blog and for many of the readers, the LGBT perspective is another huge part as well, though that can overlap with spiritual perspectives too.

      I'm glad you agreed with the last paragraph, and I'm grateful that you're being honest about all of this. I'm glad that we're communicating. I feel like I'm learning from it. By the way, religious "freaks" was my absolute favorite of the names. :-)

      My mum's awesome! And your mom seems to be too, from what you've said about her. Hurrah for supportive parents. And I will always be glad to compliment your writing, because I mean it.

      For the record though, I've never been offended by you. I love your honesty and love that you say whatever you like, even if it's hating on religion. That's freedom of speech and religion and those are invaluable. My only worry would be that hating on religion this much would somehow keep you from enjoying all the religious people in life and they're everywhere. But you seem happy so I won't worry about that. And, really, we ALL have things that bug us, so I think we're all granted a bit of hate time.

    2. L. Fauset. Sorry I never responded. But, I do want to say that I LOVE how much you comment. Even if I get pissed off sometimes. I know your'e super religious, but I think you're pretty rad. I think your concern about me not enjoying religious folks is valid, but I try to make a point not to discuss religion too much with certain people. I don't claim to have it all figured out (even if I do get stuck thinking I know everything sometimes --I'm stubborn like that), but it's hard for me to have a conversation with someone who doesn't have all the answers but has a "god" somewhere who does. Anyway, I try not to talk religion or politics with certain people. And I think it works okay that way. I still have a lot of religious friends and somehow we all manage to not kill each other when we get together :)

      You've really got some good perspective. I appreciate that.