Who wants to play Dear Abby? That’s the one you write to for advice, yeah? I have a little niece named Abby; quite the cute little kid. It’s possible that I might be just a tad biased though. But I digress: she’s not the Abby we’re talking about. Actually, we’re not talking about an Abby at all.
You’ll be happy to know that I made a friend. Or, more precisely, she made me. She’s gay. Not that that matters, except that it does. We’ve been hanging out a little bit, and it’s beginning to penetrate my thick skull that there is a very good chance that she kind of likes me…
Don’t get me wrong; a body could get used to being wanted, let me just tell you. But the thing is I think I might like her too. Which sort of presents a problem, right? Because she’s gay and I feel like it’s unfair to not be completely honest with her about how I’m the T in this situation, not gay like she thinks. I don’t really know how to broach that subject though, you know?
So that’s what’s been on my mind of late. Still not sure what I should do.
Interesting dilemma, with potential for happiness, right? I hesitate to offer any advice, but this is my gut instinct. Take it for whatever it's worth. I'm guessing that if she's gay and living in Utah, she has probably experienced more than her share of not being accepted for who she is. Maybe that has given her a greater empathy and ability to accept others for who they are? And maybe she likes you and that's all that matters to her. Whatever you decide to do I wish you well!
ReplyDeleteTricky. I can't say I've ever experienced that one, but I am a huge advocate of honesty. And timing is probably important too. Do you guys ever talk about gay stuff? Or about yourselves? It seems like, when you are getting to know someone and start spending a lot of time with them, talking about yourself is a natural thing. My advice, dear not-abby, would be to talk about it at some point. But don't let it become this huge stressful thing. Let it happen when it happens. And if it's any consolation, falling in love (or like) with someone has an awful lot, in my experience, to do with personality and soul, which is something you're already showing her. Best wishes with it all!!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with Jo on this one. Be honest. Let it happen naturally.
DeleteI'm also going to add that sometimes you have to be the one to open up the conversation for honesty. Sometimes you have to be bold and you have to be the first one to say "I like you". Sometimes you have to be the first to make yourself vulnerable--maybe that means syaing to your friend "so, I've been thinking a lot and I really feel like I'm transgender, but I don't know what that would mean in my relationships with friends and family...etc. etc. ...what do you think?"
DeleteCan I answer this from the other side of the pendulum? I like a girl and I don't know how she feels about that or if she even knows. But it's scary to breach that subject, because what if you read everything wrong and they get offended, you lose that friendship. So I honestly don't know. But from the other side, I would want to be approached because I am a chicken and don't want to do the approaching. So yea... I don't know if that helps at all.
ReplyDeleteAnd another tid bit of advice. When I'm faced with a choice I ask myself "what is the absolute worst that could happen?" then I ask myself "can I live through that?". Usually it helps to calm my nerves.
Good luck to you and let us know what happens :)
And another thing, I think you should really figure out how you feel before you start any conversation about it.
ReplyDeleteI disgagree with this one, Dupree. Mostly because I'm one who does not figure out how I feel until I start a conversation. Even then I don't think I know how I feel... I just think it's important to be okay with not having the answers. It's okay to leave the labels off of things sometimes. And it's okay to let feelings change as you go--nothing has to be decided. At least for me, it's easier to come to an understanding (even just for yourself) when you talk about things with other people.
DeleteI see what you are saying here. It is easier to talk things out. But maybe just figuring out if she likes her or not? I don't know. I was debating whether or not to comment that but I guess I decided for it :)-
DeleteI agree with everyone. The sooner you are honest and up front about how you feel will make it easier for a potential relationship to work down the road. Good luck and I truly hope it works out how you want!
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