So I had a lot of options of things I could have talked about this week. I could have discussed Mother’s day or the anniversary of my grandmother’s murder or how I’m still so indecisive about what I’ll be doing next fall or how I’m trying to build up confidence or finally write that piece as to why I go by Dupree and not Sarah…
Basically I have a lot of ideas. But I don’t really the emotional capacity to write about any of them. I don’t know what has been wrong with me lately. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to talk to friends. Curling up in bed with a book is the only thing that sounds good and even that is a last resort. So because I just don’t give a damn at the moment I thought I would post my summer bucket list. I made it the other day when I was trying to get out of my funk. Didn’t help much but it was interesting.
Summer 2012 Bucket List (In no particular order)
Get a tan
Go on 5 dates (be asked for at least 3)
Allow myself to receive help
Raft down Provo River
Decide what I want to do next fall
Become dining hall coordinator
Go to Nickel Arcade
Go to at least 5 concerts
Read at least one intellectual book to counteract all my YA novels
Hold someone’s hand
Tell HER how I feel
Get over people
Learn to let go of the pain
Refill my Prozac and cut down on the anxiety/ learn how to relax
Write my grandfather and missionary
DANCE like no one is watching
Draw out the tattoo I’ve wanted since childhood
Learn to trust people but not blab about every inconsequential detail
Be more social
Become comfortable with my body
Love myself enough to stop wanting to hurt myself
Love the new “Bob”
Tell my secrets to Mom
Stop waiting for Mat to show up and apologize
Treasure the happy moments
Feel sexy as much as possible
Do the ropes course for real
Moonlight ski rides at Sundance
Longboard down the canyon
Visit Timp caves
80’s & 90’s night
Don’t be so quick to judge
Stop skipping meals, just eat healthier
Fix Rici, show her some love
Be comfortable as a misfit but don’t disrespect your bosses
Walk in the PRIDE parade
Have an open mind at mandatory church
Create a budget
Dance in a lightening/rain storm
Watch Modern Family
Laugh at myself
Lay in the hammock with someone
See a show at the SCERA
And I reserve the right to add more to it. I’ll let you guys know if I happen to cross any off.
Love you guys!
Song of the Week
Shake It Out – Glee cover (Florence + The Machine)
I’ve been listening to this on repeat. It’s helped me calm down. I like it. I guess that’s all I have to say about that.
The other night I had a jam session with some friends. We all just sang random stuff and then it was just a couple of us singing the Black Parade. So I think this applies to singing and being more social (and maybe being more comfortable with myself because I have a TERRIBLE singing voice :P ).
And the other day I was able to let a friend pay for my lunch. Receiving help!
Love you guys!