Ever been mind-fucked? You know when you believe something and then something changes and you’re just like WTF? O.o Yea… Mind fucked.
That’s happened a lot this week. So I wanted to tell you about all of them and maybe there will be a moral at the end.
Story One: I have this friend. Let’s call him Bob. Bob hated the Church. Bob was the only person I could relate to completely. I could tell him anything and never second guess if it was the right decision. He knew everything about me. So the other day I started to talk to him about being suicidal that night. Yes, I’m still dealing with my suicidal thoughts and that night got really bad. But I painted him some great imagery and he asked me what was wrong.
Me: I’m different. I’m living with 19 good Mormons and 1 like me. I hate being gay right now.
Him: You should talk to your bishop and pray. That’s what “true to the faith” says about homosexuality But as far as the other things go I have not answer. You can choose to follow God more closely, it’s hard but doable.
EXCUSE ME? Where is the Mormon basher I used to know? I don’t need another preacher telling me what to do. And I told him so. But I don’t want to talk to him now. He’s changed and he’s not the person I used to love. It is evil of me but it brings me to…
Story Two: I am starting to understand why my best friend became my EX best friend. I changed. I found myself and it wasn’t who I used to be when I met her. How can I blame her for not loving me after I changed? It still hurts but I’m starting to be able to let it go. Love her but maybe it’s for the best that we won’t be spending so much time together.
Story Three: Moving on from poor me :p BEST NEWS EVER! And I’m pretty sure the dude who made my day might read this so I hope he knows how happy he made me. Anyways… Someone wrote an article about me! Let me explain with back story and why this is a mind fuck (even if it is a good one).
I don’t really expect people to my blog posts. Maybe my fellow bloggers. And I do post a link to FB every week. I make it totally accessible. But I still don’t think anyone reads it.
But then I found out people did. And one dude even wrote a response to my posts. He wouldn’t let me read it but he thought it was awesome what I was doing. Someone was finally proud of me coming out.
It helped so much because I have felt so hated and different here. But things are getting better. Even as I sit and listen to people diss those who can’t follow the honor code I am still proud of who I am.
Well it actually works better this week and it is still stuck in my head.
Somebody That I Used To Know- Gotye
And this song has just been through my head because I've been so stressed. So I need a minute. Just to get my head straight.
I Need A Minute- Imagine Dragons
Crappy quality but I love it. And it is at the Velour.