For some people this is an everyday, regular thing. To some this craving is normal.
I don't smoke.
I've had maybe three cigarettes in my lifetime--none of which I smoked completely from start to finish.
Every time I've tried smoking, it resulted in uncontrollable coughing.
99% of the time I am disgusted by smoke and revolted by the idea of even standing in the same room with a smoker let alone sticking a papered wad of burning tobacco between my lips.
Today is my Dad's birthday (I'm writing this a day early, so that would be September 12th).
It marks just over 9 months since he died. He would have been 59. He died of lung cancer, and he was a smoker.
I spent most of the past 9 months (as well as several months prior to his death) being angry at him and at smokers in general. During that time I don't think I ever confessed that sometimes I get the urge to smoke a cigarette.
I'm not sure if it has anything to do with my Dad or not.
Sometimes when I smell the lingering of a Marlboro, it's almost as though I'm sitting in my dad's kitchen at the bar with him smoking across from me. He'd be laughing and his eyes would do that crinkling thing at the corners like mine do.
|Do you see the crinkles???|
At least I got his eye crinkles--proof that life is worth smiling about.
~live your own truth~