Broke up with Jay recently. He reads this blog, so it might be difficult for me to put my feelings on the subject into "Breaking The Silence." Then I realized this blog is all about putting what you feel. So, you get the (semi-rare) look at my emotions.
What I learned from the relationship is don't rush things. I wanted a realtionship, so when I went on three dates with three different guys, my brian somehow told me that I had to choose one of the three. I didn't like one, leaving it to two men. After a week and a half, I chose Jay because we clicked better. And to me, that was a done deal; I made my decision and that was that, so now we're boyfriends. I never stopped to examine what our relationship was like. If I had waited a normal amount of time (longer than two weeks, minimum) I would have discovered that Jay and I make great friends, but not great boyfriends. I realized this in the end, and thus we are now both single.
Anoother discover was found in Josh's friends. I found a world where people aren't Mormon but still struggling with becoming good people. And in our entire realtionship, this was probably when I was most infatuated, but even then, I was infatuiated witht the idea of what my life would be like post-BYU. And I think I am still loving the idea.
Jay also showed me that some random bracelet that he had goes GREAT with my tan skin.
Just so there is no confusion, I do like Jay. But as a friend. Who I hope to be able to play Dominion with.
And if any friends call me up asking me if I'm okay, the answer is yes. No, I'm not an emotionless robot who disregards feelings like I use to. I fully embrace my emotions now. And the emotion I've embrassed in this case happen to be logic. Jay is a friend. Not a boyfriend. And now I've made it official. Simple.
And now I'm focusing on new areas of my life.