The Moment I Realize Being Gay is Killing Me

Health Care Reform is costing my company an additional $4 billion a year.  That's a lot of money and although we are an enormous enterprise, the costs (at least in part) are being passed onto us as employees.

In order to qualify for the best possible insurance plan, we are required to have a physical every year.  As I went into my appointment this week, I was a little bit worried.  I have felt a significant decline in my health over the last several months and I didn't know what to expect.

Well, there was some good news - my cholesterol is perfect (a huge improvement over last year!) and I am no longer pre-diabetic (again an improvement over last year).  That being said, though, my blood pressure has skyrocketed and I am officially dealing with hypertension.

As I have researched Stage 1 Hypertension, I have come to understand that although diet and exercise can affect blood pressure, the number one cause of hypertension is anxiety.  The more stress you have in your life, the higher your blood pressure.

Well, that sucks.  I am a naturally anxious person but if you compound my personality with the stresses of coming out, the associated family drama, moving across the country to get away, trying to establish a new group of friends, learning a new job, etc., it is easy to see why my heart health has been steadily declining. Coming out, is slowly killing me! 

I can't stop being gay, we all know I have already tried that, so what does that mean for me and my health moving forward?  I don't have a definitive answer - maybe you do!

However, as I take this new challenge by the horns, I am committing to do everything I can to improve my health.  I am going to continue to change my diet and increase level of physical activity.  As for my stress levels?  I don't know how to tackle this challenge.  I am going to be doing some intense soul searching to determine what I am going to accept, change, and let go. 


It sounds simple but for me it's not.  I struggle with change and acceptance and letting go are both difficult, too.  Here's hoping I can do what needs to be done before it's too late.  I am the master of myself, as soon as I remember that, I think I'll be doing much better.