Tuesday, September 11, 2012

AM


So for my first blog I’ll start with me.  I mean really, who doesn’t like to talk about themselves when given the opportunity.  I am almost 33.  I have 3 daughters.  I’ve been mostly gay/lesbian for 13 years now.  I say mostly because I have dated the opposite sex.  I have dabbled a little in the hetero world of white picket fences and big lavish weddings.  I’ve thought once or twice I could make a real go of it even.  Then, deep sigh, it just quit working.

To me, being a lesbian is kind of like, sliding into your favorite levis.  You know the ones, worn soft from the washer and dryer.  Possibly even a torn knee, with just the right size of tear.  We all have them, the pants that you slide into that you know make you feel good.  They go with everything, from your dressier button up shirt, to your favorite T-shirt.  They are just THE pants. 

There have been times where I tried the tight leather pants, or even worse some leggings. I’ve even been known to do some 80’s style stone wash. ;) I’ve tried ‘em on, worn them around but after a bit I just wanted them off.  Given the style or nature, sometimes it has felt like a layer of skin was peeled off with them. That’s what dating members of the opposite sex is like to me. The pants you laid down on the bed sucked in your gut to get zipped up.  Then you stood up and about passed out because you realized you couldn’t breath.

My daughters I had with my ex-wife.  They are my world.  Every day is better for me because I get to be their mom.  Yeah, tad bit sappy, work with me here. I promise to not pass judgment during your sappy moments in return.  Kids came about the old fashioned lesbian way so don’t ever eat turkey at our house.  For those who don’t know, the turkey baster is the way to go if you want to get some sperm in the right place.  This is especially true if you’re lacking every other thing but the sperm. 

I happen to be the person who will take any side of an argument, just to get a rise out of the other side.  The small caveat is, I’ll never be republican, and I’ll never agree with the mormon folk about god.  Try not to let those things deter you much.  I can spew scripture with the best of them, getting rustier as I get older, but yeah, I’ve read THOSE books (can’t argue against it logically if I don’t know what it says).  I’ve also studied other religions so as not to be just a hater of one religion.  At this point I can pretty much conjure up 100 reasons why god can’t be the way organized religion portrays.  But hay, that’s what makes a horse race, as my mommy always said. 

So now that I’ve probably equally made you laugh as well as offended you I’ll sign off.  For a first go-round I think it was fairly honest.  I hope you choose to take my style with a few grains of salt, as everything is better with some salt. ;)

3 comments:

  1. Well you are a gem! I loved your post and I am thrilled you've joined us.

    Turkey baster stories fascinate me and I truly hope you will consider filling us in on the story at some point. I never thought those stories were real or possible.

    Anyway, salt does make things better and you've definitely added a great flavor to the blog. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Definitely no offense taken at all! You sound like a lovely human. I'm excited to get to know you! Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're so funny. I'm glad to have a new blogger with an awesome sense of humor and some great stories--I know you've got 'em coming!

    Love the pants analogy. Love the turkey baster babies--I definitely agree with MJ about getting more about that. Thanks for the honesty--and the salt ;)

    ReplyDelete