I’m tired of this. I don’t want to not be who I am, but I want
it to not be such a bleeding huge deal. Bottom line, it’s nobody else’s
business. Not that there aren’t people that I feel like I definitely need to
tell. But then the stubbornness flares up and my rationalization is, Why
should I even make a point of saying anything? That’s basically tantamount to
admitting that I think it’s weird and wrong and something to be uncomfortable
with or ashamed of. So then I don’t say anything, because that ought to
teach ‘em. Or something; it’s still unclear whom exactly is on the receiving end
of this sticking-to. Although, don’t get me wrong, there is still very much
also the element of terror and being unable to open my mouth. So there’s that.
Stagnation, folks, where I’m supposed to have wrought progress.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
Don't force yourself. Know that we love you and that when you get to a point that you need to say something to someone, that you do it because it is what YOU want and need.
ReplyDeleteYour life is your timetable.
Much love to you, friend!
I agree with MJ. It'll happen when it's right for you, when your soul is ready. I do, however, understand the anxiety and the stuck-ness you are feeling, and I'm sorry for that. It's frustrating to have such a weight on your shoulders. This makes me think of the lyrics to a new favorite song by Ellis: "Right on time. You are right on time. You're right on time."
ReplyDeleteI don't know the song, but those are hecka neat lyrics; I like the taste of them in my head. Thanks for the sentiment as well.
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