Thursday, July 5, 2012

What? I'm Gay??

Sometimes I forget that I'm gay.

No really.

It's not something I think about every second.  Yes, like girls.  Yes, I am in a loveship with one of the most amazing, most beautiful, charming and funny people ever (and yes, she's female).  Yes, I have a rainbow sash draped over the seat in my car and an equality sticker on my water bottle.  I advocate and support.  I post things of Facebook about gay rights and write for an LGBT blog and have a LOT of gay friends.

But being gay isn't my whole life.  It isn't the only thing that occupies my thoughts.

I think about trees.
I think about people.
And work.
And about nature.
I think about food.
I think about moving away.
I think about Tiffany.
About my family.
About my art
and music.

The other night Tif mentioned something about us both being girls and I remember thinking, "Huh.  We ARE both girls, aren't we?"  Sometimes it catches me off guard.  I forget that to most people, my relationship and my love aren't "normal."  Well why aren't they?  It all feels normal to me.  I've never felt anything more natural than loving the way I love.  It's so natural I don't think about it.  But I'm getting a little off track here.

I guess my point is that we are more than gay.  We are sisters and brothers, friends and neighbors, coworkers and colleagues.  We are lovers.  We are artists and business people.  We are lawyers and engineers.  We are musicians and designers and students and CEOs.  There have been times in my life where I have gotten lost in just one of these things, where I get stuck in defining myself by a single label.  But we are so much more than labels.  We are so much more than just one of these things.

So I like when I forget that I'm gay. Or a musician.  Or smart.  Or whatever else.  Because it means I'm not lost in a label.  It means I'm letting myself be whatever I am rather than getting stuck inside of a box.

And who likes boxes anyway? (though they are rather handy when you are moving, I suppose).
Does this ever happen to anyone else?  Am I the only one that forgets?


  1. Yes, sometimes I do too. Other times it's all I can think about. Then, other times still, I'm reminded like a ton of bricks.

    I actually relish the times I forget. Because, like you said, it isn't what defines me or my friends who are lovely people who also happen to be gay. My sexuality is only a part of who I am, but I'm also a student, a business professional, a musician, an artist, a writer, an activist of sorts, a volunteer, spiritual, etc., etc., etc.

    Thank so much for this post and for the reminder.

  2. It's a really good sign that you forget - your sexuality is only a small part of who you are and shouldn't define your entire life! :-)

    On a (slightly related) tangent, my husband is Indian and has a pretty thick accent. At least, in the beginning I had a really hard time understanding him on the phone, when I couldn't rely on facial cues. Now I don't even notice the accent anymore - I can't for the life of me figure out if it's because his accent has softened or I've just become so used to how he speaks! I suspect it's the latter, as some of my friends and family get confused sometimes when he speaks. But I guess it's good that I sometimes forget he has an accent.

  3. Yes! Win! I love your box analogy :)

  4. I have a granddaughter who has Down Syndrome (those of you who know me will be confused by how I'd have grand kids--I have step children). Anyway, her mom is a strong advocate for her daughter and taught me people-first language. You never say "the Down Syndrome girl" but rather "the girl with Down Syndrome". I didn't realize how much I'd define a person by what they "had"--you know, the deaf girl, the autistic kid, the bipolar woman, etc. etc. I love the idea of people first.

    HOLD ON--Don't misread me, I'm don't count gay as a disability--gay is a wonderful variation on the spectrum of human existence. But still, seeing people first before anything else, be it gay, straight, mentally ill, disabled, is a cool way to live. People first. Thanks Jo.

    p.s. Tiffany says I should comment more. So here I am :)

    1. Lara, you sound lovely! I love this thought and I am going to do my best to implement this type of thinking and speaking. Thank you!

    2. MJ, from all the comments I read about you on this blog and your blog posts, you sound lovely also. Perhaps we will be able to meet in real life some time.

    3. Stop it! You're making me blush! That, too, sounds lovely.

    4. Lara, I like your comments. :) And I love the idea of people first. It's hard to hate people when you look at them that way.

  5. I think this is awesome. Sometimes I want to tattoo a rainbow on my forehead just so people know. But then again it's none of their business. Of course it's awkward because people will start talking about lesbians and I'll be like umm excuse me!

    1. I love lesbians! Who's talking?

    2. Oh just coworkers. No bosses thank goodness. Most everyone doesn't have mean comments to say. Actually nobody has said a mean comment to me. But people talk. They always have and they always will.