Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Let's Call It Honesty

I’m going to go back to a topic that I brought up three weeks ago. How much about myself do I tell my roommates about myself? However, this time, I’m not only going to fully answer the question but I’m going to expand it to “How much should I tell people I know about myself?”

One of the first things I tell new roommates is that I’m gay. I don’t want to keep it a secret. It is their right to know, even if, in the end, it doesn’t affect them. I don’t just tell them when they walk in the door. THAT would be silly (and probably wouldn’t make a good first impression) (not that I make good first impressions). I usually wait a few weeks. Yet, last semester, I had a roommate who let it slip how much he hates gay people ON THE FIRST NIGHT! So, I never told him I was gay.

Originally, when I brought up this story, I was going to be living with him next semester. This is no longer the case. I will be living with three completely new guys. However, after my previous roommate, I don’t know if I want to tell three strangers, even if it is after three weeks. Or months. The pictured welcome mat may not end up giving very welcoming roommates.

So, how honest should I be? I think it depends on the people thus I no longer think there is a universal answers for telling my roommates. Let alone my mother.

So, for those wondering, my parents do know I’m gay and have for two years. My dad chooses to largely ignore it and my mother has been very accepting, even if I didn’t think so at first. But, now that I know that my mother is accepting and I now know she will always love me, how much should I tell her?

She knows I’m gay but I’ve kept pretty much everything else hidden. If I were to follow Dupree’s example, I would tell her everything. If I were to follow my mother's own advice, I would be completely honest. But… something still holds me back. Should I tell that I’m kind of searching for a relationship right now? Should I tell her of my semi-regular visits to nudist colonies in high school? Should I tell her I’ve had sex with Brian? With my fourth cousin whom she adored? Should I tell her about my sexual exploits of last night?

Damn it. She’s my mother. This should be easy to determine. I’ve told other people, why not her? She is visiting soon, so we shall see.


  1. Doesn't your mother read the blog? And you should be honest. :)

    1. Yes I am replying to my own comment. But whatever. Also remember that rule we have about the TMI? Maybe explain that to her. Allow her the option to leave (no feelings hurt) if it gets to much for her. LYL (Love Ya Lee) :P

  2. What to say, what to say...? Ummm, I agree with Dupree. Maybe not the sexual exploits with or without fourth-cousins. But, if you have that type of relationship with your mother, good for you. I just know that I certainly do not. At all. I wish I had a closer relationship with my mother but until that happens I will continue to fake whatever positive I have at this point.

  3. Here's the thing. Being totally honest with someone doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell them every.single.thing. I feel that I am very honest with my mother. She know's I'm gay. She knows I had these feelings in high school. She knows about Tiffany. But I haven't told her about my experiences with girls as a teen, or at BYU....or now for that matter. I'm an adult, and being honest with my mother doesn't mean telling her every little detail about my life.

    Tell as much as you are comfortable. I can't imagine that your mom expects you never to want a relationship. The amount of stuff I share with people is usually on a case by case basis, because, like you said, all people and relationships are different.

    Good luck though. In my experience, it's the family and the ones we love most that are the hardest to tell. Go figure. :)

  4. OMG so many good stories in this one!

    I agree with Jo.
    My mom is SO accepting. She knows I'm gay. She knows I live with Jo. I can imagine she has come to some sort of conclusions about my relationship with Jo. She knows that I came very close to being kicked out of BYU and she knows why. But, I don't tell her about everything in my life. Not because I'm hiding from her, but because being honest doesn't mean telling her everything.