Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Striped Horses or Walking Barcodes?

So, I go to BYU, I follow many parts of the honor code, but one thing I can’t handle is BYU’s strict rules on dating members of the same gender. I’m gay. I want to date men. So, as such, I break the honor code and go on dates with men.

Now, that’s not to say that I don’t date women. I do. I’ve gone out with girls for many reasons.

First, my job puts me in a very social environment. Apparently, I’m quite charming and, even more surprising, I'm very popular with ladies. This could be because women are always attracted to the men they can’t get or (more likely) because I’m a tall blond and women just assume that that means I’m attractive. Regardless, my popularity leads to many girls asking me out. Some get creative. They make me little designer cards with their names and numbers on them. One girl even made me a cake that, once eaten, revealed her number. I should say no. I should not be leading them on. But I say yes. Why? I don’t want these women (who, by the way, are almost strictly freshmen) to lose confidence in themselves. They built up the courage, and turning them down is the same as telling them they did something wrong. Also, I do enjoy these dates (with the exception of a certain OCD girl who… well, let me just say that OCD can go WAY to far).

A second reason I go on dates with girls is because sometimes I think it would be awesome to hang out with a certain girl. Get some one on one time and have fun.

Now, what’s the biggest problem with a gay guy going on dates with ladies? I can lead these young ladies on. I DO NOT want to do that. I’ve had way too many of these girls tell me that they like me and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. So, my rule is no second dates. I generally find this to be a good rule and I strictly adhere to it.

However, I have no such rule for dating men. So, why have I never gone on multiple dates with a single man? One big reason is that I find myself not liking the men I date. They only want sex, they have dry personalities, you name it. I just don’t like them that much. Yet, there have been a few I wanted to date more, particularly one guy.

Let’s call him Isaac. Isaac and I went on I date that I thoroughly enjoyed. Whereas most people (including me) would describe a zebra has a striped horse, he would describe them as walking bar codes. Yeah, he was that unique person that you don’t find very often. As we were driving around after the date, we began to talk about fun, after date stuff (some would consider what we were doing flirting). Then the topic of religion got brought up. I should let you know, I’m kind of sick of religion (Why? Story for another day). This guy talks about the Mormon Church and how much he loves it. He wants to settle and marry a woman within a few years and make babies with her. Right now, he claims, he’s trying to get this “thing” out of his head. I could not justify a second date no matter how much I wanted to. Thus, I’m here, in Provo, having never gone on a real second date.

And, just because it deserves mention, I LOVED pride. Everything about it. Signing off till next time!


  1. Give your "walking bar code" friend some time. The church has ingrained all of us with the idea that "this thing" is something that will go away if we just try hard enough to sort it out. Even if things weren't to work out between the two of you, he could end up being a splendid friend.

    Thank you for your sign at Pride, thanks for being you, and thanks for sharing your voice here. Honestly thrilled to have you with us!

  2. I'm with MJ. Time does a lot of things to people. I was once in the same shoes, thinking it was just a matter of "thinking clean thoughts" and "fixing" something. I was raised to believe that, as a gay person, I was flawed. I think a lot of people in the gay Mormon community grow up that way. Perhaps a little time is all your friend needs.

    It was great to meet you on Saturday. Thank you for the great post!

  3. All I can say is I love you Lee and thanks for all you do for me. You're the best. And maybe barcode won't come around but that just means someone else is out there that is perfect for you.

  4. I'm with M.J. and Jo for the simple fact that when Jo and I first met I pulled the whole "I'm still MOrmon and I"m trying to be a good Mormon girl because I go to BYU and blah blah blah." She stuck it out and I found my way out of the church and BYU--man I'm so glad to be out of there! Now she's my love.

    But also I agree with Dupree. Barcode may be unique and cool. But, you never know who you'll meet...and fall in love with :)

    Thanks for the great post.
    And, I really like your policy for the girls. If only I had been smart enough to do that I wouldn't have gotten into such a mess while at BYU. If you keep going out with someone who adores you then they start to think maybe you like them back even if you tell them you're gay and think of them only as a friend and have no feelings for them... :/

    Personally I think of them more like bengal horses.